A Spark of Cinnamon
by The Dreaming Soul Writer
Summary: Sequel to "A Spark of Forever." As Rachel is slowly recovering from the trauma in the months before, she is struck with another spark that might lead to the very end of Finchel forever. Will they overcome it or will they break under the strain? Rated M.
1. The First Sign

**Salve! PLEASE READ THIS FIRST! This is the sequel to my other story, "A Spark of Forever." It would be terribly awkward to try to understand this story right off the bat, so I would highly recommend reading my other story first (if you do, please review, I love them so much). I hope you all enjoy this new story and that you'll review, they are the gas to my writing engine (lame, I know). So, please read, review, and, most importantly, enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee/Fox/"We Found Love"/ So many other things, it's almost depressing...**

01) The First Sign

_Yellow diamonds in the light_  
><em> Now we're standing side by side<em>  
><em> As your shadow crosses mine<em>  
><em> What it takes to come alive<em>  
><em> It's the way I'm feeling I just can't deny<em>  
><em> But I got to let it go<em>

_ We found love in a hopeless place_  
><em> We found love in a hopeless place<em>  
><em> We found love in a hopeless place<em>

Finn smiled widely at the sight of Mr. Schu and Ms. Pillsbury kissing upon the lifeguard's chair, their love obvious as they pressed against each other forcefully with grins on their faces. His joy fort hem was overwhelming, happy that they had finally found each other. They both had pushed their fears away of marriage and past experiences to unite, showing how potent their feelings were for each other.

Without a thought, his eyes moved to the girl who was beaming at the couple, her beautiful chocolate-brown eyes melting with warmth and tears. She looked so beautiful, he couldn't help himself as his eyes drifted to the other parts of her body. Her shapely legs, the cute - maybe a little off portion to the rest of her face - nose that gave her character, lips that demanded to be kissed, the swell of her breasts that were emphasized in her suit, and the soft glow her skin gave that made him want to run his hands all over her body. But what he loved most was her spirit, a strong and potent force that could even make big guys, like himself, cringe when unleashed. She may waver and falter, he thought to himself, but not once did she crumble and allow herself to be defeated.

She was Rachel Berry, his star, his inspiration, his girlfriend. His grin grew wider. Rachel turned to look at him, maybe to see what his expression was or maybe because she felt his stare on her. Her eyes were glistening as their gazes meet, her emotions blazing like the sun in their depths. A small smile crept across her face and he saw her mouth three words that made his body rushand heart beat furiously. _I love you_.

He mouthed them back, wishing that he was out of the water and in her arms; shuddering slightly at the thought of her hands against his bare skin. But he waited patiently for the kiss between his teachers to end and the pool erupted with splashes and cheers as they finally separated, the adults' faces glowing. Finn smiled at it for a moment before quickly swimming his way through his fellow members of glee club and the swimming team, trying to get to the side of the pool as he quickly as he could.

After he pulled himself out of the water, his eyes shot back to where Rachel was. Her attention had returned to the newly-engaged couple, her hands clasped tight together as she smiled and enjoyed in the celebration with a cheer. Finn crept up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her body closer to his.

"Hey!" Rachel laughed, swatting at his hands hopelessly while he just grinned. "This is not supposed to be wet, Finn! You'll ruin the material and this cost a small fortune."

"Your dads bought it, shut up," Finn returned, placing a small kiss on the soft expanse of her neck. She shuddered at the touch. "You look amazing - everything, everything looks amazing. I can't believe how well you put it all together and so quickly."

"I didn't do it all by myself." Finn could see her face flush at the compliment, despite her words. "I had a lot of help. If it wasn't because of Sam and the swimming team, we wouldn't even had a clue of what to do. And without Mike we would have no choreography, without Mercedes we would be dressed in plain swimming clothes, and without Santana we wouldn't have any music. I really didn't do that much."

"You brought it all together, babe." Finn reassured, smiling as he lifted his gaze to see that Mr. Schu had grabbed Ms. Pillsbury and jumped into the pool, her scream of surprise and amusement raising another cheer from the students. "You made sure everyone knew what they were doing and where they were supposed to be, and you saved us boys from wearing those tight trunks with the flag on it that Mercedes wanted us to wear." He scowled, remembering the tiny piece with a shudder of embarrassment.

"I just didn't want the other girls to get jealous," Rachel teased, turning around so their chests were pressed against each other. The material of their clothing was so thin that Finn could feel her heartbeat against his own. Her eyes flashed mischievously. "I want you all to myself."

"Oh, really?" Finn grinned in response, unable to resist a flash at her tempting lips before returning to her eyes. "And what do you want me for?"

"This." Rachel brought a hand to the back of his head, running her hand through the wet hair, then tugging his face towards her in a meeting of lips. Though, before they touched, Rachel's eyes suddenly flung open wide and she backed away from him, clapping a hand across her mouth. Before he could ask her what was wrong, she speed out of the pool area and into the woman's locker room.

Finn, looking forlorn as he was left alone with water still dripping off his limbs and clothes, wondered what he did wrong this time as everyone cheered happily around him, excited for the new couple as a feeling of dread slowly wrapped around him. The same dread that plagued him months ago like a bug, the same feeling he had when Rachel was in her "dark time," as he always called it. He thought that she had overcame it all, but there was times where she would shrivel up unexpectedly for no reason, like when a Range Rover passed by and she clung to him like the ground was suddenly going to drop below her feet. Her face was so ashen and fearful that he didn't dare to ask her what was the matter, only holding her and reassuring her that everything was going to be okay. Then there was a time where she snapped at him when he brought up the idea to do a Madonna song for Regionals; she denied it so quickly and gave him a such an intense look, all he could do was apologize and change the subject.

Okay, maybe she wasn't as better as he thought, or hoped. But it was undeniable that Rachel was doing her best to overcome it, always trying to be that same sprite of a girl with a fiery temper. There had been a month where everything was like it used to be, however, lately, she had been acting even odder. She had been looking pale and sickly more often, complaining of backaches and random vomiting that worried Finn. He begged her to allow him to take her to a doctor and run some tests, but her body only froze at the time, eyes flashing with realization and fear.

That almost had Finn having a heart attack, but Rachel, oddly, perked up and said that everything was alright, grabbing his arm and jerking him through the swimsuit aisle at the mall to find the perfect outfit for them. He watched her carefully that day, making no comment against her, but noting any differences in her behavior that might hint that she was going to be sick or ill. He saw no difference, except for her possibly being more optimistic and perky; it was a huge relief.

That was almost a week ago, and she had showed no other signs of being sick - that he noticed - until now. And he felt helpless, staring at the locker room's door and wishing that Rachel would just emerge and say she ate bad vegetables or something for lunch. The only thing that kept him from running in there and tearing down all the stalls to find her was that he knew Rachel wouldn't want it and there was also about five other teachers, who helped with the flower session of the engagement, standing about the door with tears in their eyes and smiles upon their faces.

"Finn? You okay?" He glanced to his side to see Quinn, wet hair plastered to her face with a laughing Puck thrashing around in the water behind her. She appeared annoyed but there was an amused tint to her eyes, a secretive glint that he was familiar with since sophomore year.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Why do you ask?" He questioned, trying not to let his worry show, especially to his ex-girlfriend who he was on the fritz about if she still had feelings for him or not.

"Because you look like a sad, lonely" - she flicked her gaze up and down his body, a smile forming upon her face- "and wet puppy. Where's the Thing?"

"Who?"

"Your girlfriend."

"Oh, bathroom, I think."

"Finn, do you honestly think I can't tell when you're not telling me something? You obviously are bothered." Quinn teased, raising an eyebrow as she peered up at him. A frown graced her face, looking serious as she realized he wasn't smiling back. "What's wrong?"

"Nothin-"

"_Finn_."

He sighed. "I don't know, Rachel just freaked out and ran into the bathroom. I'm deciding whether to break the door down and ask her what's wrong or wait."

Quinn glanced at the door, her frown turning into a confused expression. "Freaked out? Doesn't she do that on like a daily basis, I mean, she did scream that one day in the choir room when we wanted to wear dark red for sectionals instead of maroon-"

"No, this was different." Finn interrupted, shaking his head. It was strange to be talking this long with Quinn...about anything. The last major talk they had ended with them both crying and her leaving his truck in a fury, torn between sorrow and anger. Ever since then their relationship could only be called awkward, but Finn had hopes that, one day, Quinn would get over everything and be happy - just not with him, he already found his happy.

Even if that "happy" happened to be locked away in a locker room, running away from him.

"Different how?"

"I don't know, this seemed more like her being sick, not being dramatic," said Finn, rubbing the back of his head and making his hair stand up on end, but he didn't care. He only had thoughts for Rachel. "We were, uh" - he shot Quinn a worried look - "about to kiss but when she got close to me, her eyes opened really wide and she put a hand to her mouth like she was about to throw up. Then she ran into the bathroom..." A sudden thought struck him, and he put an arm cautiously to his nose. "I don't smell, do I?"

Quinn sighed, somewhat impatiently, before leaning towards him and taking a sniff. She shrugged, looking confused. "No, you only smell like chlorine."

"This whole place smells like chlorine, why would she bothered by it now?" Finn asked confused, his brow furrowing. "Is this some kind of period thing or something-"

"Finn, really! Read a pamphlet for once in your life!" Quinn snapped, the old-Quinn bursting forth as she put a hand on her hip and raised judging aquamarine eyes upwards. "I doubt it's dealing with her period, but maybe she just has a stomach flu or something. I never really experienced anything like that though, except for when I was..." A look of horrible dawning appeared on her face, the judging expression gone as she took a step back from him.

"Quinn?" Finn questioned, wondering what the hell that look was about and about to ask more when Quinn just turned on her heels and stormed into the locker room. He stared at the door blankly for a long moment, feeling angry and confused at the hopelessness of the situation. He tried not to think it but the thought tore through him before he could stop it.

_What could go wrong now?_

xXx

The smell had been annoying her all along.

The stench, heavy and potent in the humid room, seemed to gather in her mouth and nose, waiting hopefully for her to lose control. However, she kept her body in tight command and a smile upon her face; she was not going to allow her own problems from ruining Mr. Schuester and Ms. Pillsbury big day. She understood the need for everything to be perfect and romantic as possible - and a short girl pucking in the background was just not romantic.

Though, when Rachel moved her head up to meet her boyfriend's lips in a kiss, she took the mistake of breathing in through her nose heavily. The smell struck her like a fist into her abdomen, making her almost vomit right there, all over Finn, but she quickly brought a little bit of it under control and shot into the nearest locker room as hastily as possible.

She barely made it to the toilet before removing the contents of her stomach, the acrid taste burning her mouth and tongue. She felt tears slide down her face, but it wasn't because of her being sick. It was Finn's face the moment she took a step back and put a hand to her mouth that made her cry, feeling hopeless at expression on her boyfriend. It was of disappointment, great disappointment. He wanted her to be better so much - his expression telling her as much as any words - and she knew that he thought she was getting better.

If only he knew that she was getting worse, Rachel thought horribly to herself as she flushed her gross bile away and huddled on the moist locker room floor, arms wrapped tightly around her knees. She never felt so hopeless in her life, knowing what was wrong with her but not able to tell the one who truly cared and mattered.

The door to the locker room opened and she heard rapid footsteps come to the stall, which was the only one that was closed. Rachel saw a pair of slim and pretty feet before she heard a knock on the door and Quinn asking softly, "Rachel?"

"Yeah?" Rachel quickly wiped at her eyes, hoping that Finn may have gotten enough water on her to think that her face was just wet.

"Are you okay?" Quinn's voice was hesitant, almost fearful that made Rachel's curiosity spike.

"Why?"

"Because your sitting on a dirty floor and I can smell vomit even from here," Quinn returned, making Rachel burst into tears again for some reason. "Let me in?"

Her voice was soft and, for almost the first time, not judgmental. Rachel didn't even think as she raised a hand and unlatched the door, revealing a wet-looking Quinn. The pretty blond looked down at her with sympathy for the longest moment before she finally kneeled down next to Rachel. There was a question burning in her eyes and Rachel knew exactly what that question was but she too scared to ask it for her, waiting for the other girl to break the silence.

"Rachel...are you pregnant?"

Rachel's eyes swam with tears, unable to lie as she nodded her head. "Yes."

Quinn closed her eyes for a long moment again, looking pained as Rachel suspected sophomore year was rushing by her in a haze of dark memories. Finally, she took a breath and said softly, "I'm guessing you haven't told Finn yet?"

"No." Rachel managed to say through her tears, sobs now racking her body as she revealed her secret to the least-likely person she ever expected to tell first.

"Rachel, you have to tell him. Are you afraid of what he might think, because, by the way he looks at you, I really doubt Finn would-"

"No," Rachel interrupted, "it's not that."

"Then, why?"

"Because," Rachel lifted her watery eyes to Quinn's, slightly surprised to see tears appearing there. She felt her whole world totter and tremble, her body shaking with sobs and fear. "Because I don't know who the father is."

**Hope you enjoyed and will review, I greatly enjoy them! **

**Hope to see you again next chapter! Vale!**


	2. Breaking Point

**Salve! Enjoy! It's going to be a very emotional ride for our favorite couple so I hope you grab on tight!  
><strong>

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee/Fox/Ryan Murphy/Pretty much anything cool**

02) Breaking Point

Rachel had never seen Quinn look so shocked, her eyes widening and eyebrows shooting up into her short bangs. Old anguish, covered behind a wall of cold nonchalance and judgment, broke through and the smaller girl knew that she was reliving past pains. She started shaking so badly that Rachel feared she would have fallen over if she wasn't already kneeling. Rachel could only watch her with tears running down her face, hating herself even more for breaking down and telling Quinn, knowing how much memories could hurt.

After what seemed like an entirety, "What do you mean by that, Rachel. I swear to God if you cheated on Finn with someone else, I will personally pour bleach down your throat so you can't sing. Finn does not deserve that, he is such a kind guy and he already has been through something like this. I thought you loved him, how could you cheat with-"

"Shut up!" Rachel snapped, her guilt rising up at every word while she placed her hand over her eyes. Every word Quinn said hit her like a knife, digging deep into her heart and turning painfully. She felt like she betrayed Finn, betrayed his love for her. For, deep in her mind where all her rationality was, she knew who the father was, knowing who wore the protection and who did not. In her heart, she begged for it not to be true, but there was always that doubt.

Quinn's pale face turned purple with rage, grabbing Rachel forcefully by the front of her suit and bringing her face close to the blond's; her eyes cyan fire as she stared at the petite girl. "Finn has already been cheated on by both of us and by his best friend, he lost his father all over again, and, now, you're pulling this crap? Rachel, why would you do this to him? You better have a good explanation why you would ruin such a good thing with Finn, why you would waste that kind of love." Her unsaid question burned in the air before them: _why he would have leave me for this kind of pain again?_

Rachel shook her head, or tried to but Quinn's grasp was painfully strong and she could barely breath. She wanted to tell Quinn everything, that she was raped and would never dare of hurting Finn, but she was scared, horrified at what Quinn would think of her. She remembered vividly of the looks that everyone gave her when she first cut her hair and wore dark clothing, the confusion and disgust shining in their eyes by her appearance. They were only getting over that now, the added support of the Troubled Tones swelling their numbers again and making the choir room the usual din of madness so she wasn't the center of attention, and she didn't want everyone to give her those looks again, looks that made her cry in the middle of the night when she was alone.

"Why?" Quinn shook her again, making her vision explode into a blur as more tears rushed in from the girl's tone. It was so angry and pitying, as Quinn was the only one who knew what she was dealing with. Her voice was so soft as she asked, "Why would you do this to Finn, he would have loved you for the rest of his life. Why, Rachel, why!"

"Because...I was raped."

Dead. Cold. Silence.

Quinn froze, her face setting into a mask of such pitying and horror that Rachel had to look away. The other girl's grip went lax, allowing Rachel to climb onto the toilet seat and bury her head into her hands, unable to cry. She wanted to be sobbing and burning with the feeling of regret, but she only felt hollow. The realization that she had finally told someone besides Finn struck her over and over, the horror of allowing someone else to know her dark secret. The oppressive feeling of dirtiness fell over her again, especially as she compared herself to the perfect Quinn Fabray, whose numb stare was burning through Rachel's hands at her.

What had she been thinking? She told Quinn Fabray for fucking sake, Rachel thought bitterly, the one who was proving to do anything and expose other's secrets to meet her own agenda. She couldn't even think of someone worse to tell it to in glee club, and wished that she could have taken it back. She wished she could have taken it all back, the whole year and just start over. Her life was spinning out of control again and her head pounded with what may happen. What if the child was Jesse's? Would Quinn tell the rest of the club, what would they think?

What if Finn broke up with her?

That question brought tears to her eyes again, flooding her face with a hint of salt. The hallow feeling inside of her reached a new level that made it impossibly to stop crying, unable to fathom if Finn left her. Every time she looked to the future, anticipating what was to come, she knew there was one definite anchor from making it fall away into despair - Finn. His smile, the way he laughed openly, the bright, emotional cinnamon eyes that she felt herself lose herself in, how his arms wrapped around her protectively and kept the shadows at bay, the spurt of electricity that went through them when theirs lips meet. How could she lose that?

She couldn't, Rachel realized.

"Rachel?" Rachel reluctantly looked up from her hands, forgetting for a moment that Quinn was still there. She had completely lost herself in her thoughts and, now realizing that Quinn was right in front of her with hands upon each of Rachel's shoulders, she wondered how long she had been out of focus. There was understanding and compassion in Quinn's eyes, her expression soft and supportive. "Everything is going to be okay."

"How?" Rachel asked, begging and pleading for an answer. "How is it going to be okay? How do I tell Finn this? What if it's not his, do you think he could handle that kind of torment again? You saw what he did with Puck, what would he do now?"

"I'm guessing Finn knows about..." - Quinn swallowed tightly, trying to keep her face emotionless but failing as horror reflected mercilessly in her eyes - "your rape."

"Yes, he is the only one. No one else knows." Rachel whispered back, teetering at the brink of totally losing it. "Not my parents, not Kurt, no one. Except you and Finn...and him."

Quinn didn't need any explanation of who _him_ was.

Rachel looked up at her as she didn't say anything, only staring at Rachel with a thoughtful furrowing of her brow. Finally, she said, "You can't tell him you think the baby is your rapist."

"I can't lie to Finn," Rachel cried, knowing the bitter irony to her words as she lied to him countless times a couple of months ago. "Not anymore."

"Then don't," Quinn said, moving her hands to clasp them in Rachel's. "Just say your pregnant, act like it's his child, and he won't make the connection. The boy is great, but he is a little obtuse. He won't think that you have doubts."

Rachel scoffed angrily, pulling her hands out of Quinn's grasp and gave her a dirty look. "He won't have doubts cause he will believe that I am telling him the truth, he will think the baby is his just because I didn't tell him otherwise. That would be worse than lying, it would be playing upon his feelings for me so I won't have to hurt him."

Quinn gave her a sympathetic look. "I know, but what other choice do you have?"

Rachel hated the truth of her words.

"Okay... I'll do it."

xXx

Finn paced the pool area's floor, his large feet stamping in the puddles that coagulated on the hard, grip-like cement. Everyone else had filed out of the pool, moving the celebration to Breadstixs is what Kurt had said before he departed with Blaine and Mercedes to the restaurant. He denied there invitation, preferring to wait for Rachel and Quinn to come out.

He flopped onto a bench, his feet sore from his constant walking, stretched out his long legs and placed his arm over his eyes. Letting out a groan that sounded like a fifty-year old person, he wondered what the hell he was going to do. He tried talking to Rachel kindly about everything but she always pushed it away with a smile and a change of subject, he even threatened to tell her parents that she was sick, but the look of pure horror made him know that he never would do such a thing.

He, Finn realized, was tired.

He loved Rachel, there was no doubt in that, but he felt as if his whole life was now being focused around her. There were times where she would go to his house at the middle of the night and wake him up, asking if he could just hold her for a couple of hours. He never refused, but seeing her that way and seeing her cry with the nightmares that she still suffered through, made him feel hopeless and wish that he could do more.

His thoughts were broken as the door of the locker room creaked open and Quinn stepped out, alone. Her face was paler than normal but she smiled at Finn as she approached him. He immediately straightened, a question burning on his lips but she only shook his head. "She's going to be okay, Finn, she'll be okay." There was an odd tone in her voice that made Finn wary that she wasn't tell him everything.

"What's wrong with her? Why isn't she coming out?" Finn demanded, looking stricken at the door.

"Patience is a virtue, Finn," Quinn smiled at him teasingly, only making him more annoyed. "She just wanted to change out of her suit - saying something about how someone had got water on it and now it was very clingy and itchy."

Finn flushed, feeling a tendril of hope appear in his chest. Maybe he was just over thinking everything, which he knew even for him was odd. But it was Rachel, he wouldn't expect less of himself. "So..she's okay?"

Quinn looked away, Finn not noticing the look of pain and anguish on her expression before she turned back to him with a smile. "She is, not sure about you though. She told me what that suit cost." She fiddled with her hair for a second, trying to make it appear nice. "Everybody leave already?"

"Ya, they went to Breadstixs."

"Okay, I'll see you guys there." She started to take a step, then turned and placed a small hand on his shoulder. He was surprised to see tears in her eyes, making him feel very awkward. "Finn, I never really told you this...but I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything that I did to you in sophomore year and I know I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I just want you to know that I would take it all back if I could."

Finn blinked at the sudden change in Quinn, feeling very uncomfortable now. "It's okay, Quinn. It was a long time ago and we were both younger...people make mistakes, I guess."

Quinn's aquamarine eyes studied his face for a long time before squeezing his shoulder tightly. "We're still young, Finn, and we still make mistakes. I hope you can remember that." Then she was gone, disappearing into the hallways of McKinley while he sat there, more confused than ever.

A second later Rachel stepped out of the locker room, wearing a long skirt and a red jacket. Her eyes were red but there was a small smile on her face as she slowly approached Finn, looking somewhat timid. He was so relieved to see her that he didn't care, standing up and coming towards her with hands held out. "Thank God, I was so worried about you."

"You worry too much," Rachel returned, stopping a few paces away from him. "I'm sorry...about earlier, my stomach has been a little queasy of late."

"It's okay, I thought it had to be some bad tofu or something," Finn grinned, leaning over to give her a kiss but she edged away from it. "Why won't you kiss me?" He felt slightly hurt and angered by the gesture, confused at why Rachel was being so distant from him.

"I-I don't want you to get sick," Rachel muttered, but Finn could tell she was lying by the way she was averting his gaze away from his and finding a deep interest in her shoes.

"Rachel, stop lying to me." Finn grabbed her arm, but she tore it away with an offended look.

"What? You don't believe me, that I would willingly not kiss you?" Rachel shook her head, cheeks turning into rosy flames. "Why would you think I would be lying to you?"

"Because you're not telling me something and all I want to do is help, yet you keep pushing me away!" Finn said fiercely, glaring down at her while she stared up at him with intense eyes. "You're not telling me something and I don't like it. I thought we were over all the lies and secrets."

"I'm just sick, Finn! You're making this a way bigger deal than you think!" Rachel bristled with anger. "You know what, if you're just going to act this way I'm going to go home."

"Fine." Finn retorted, hating his own words as they came out but losing his compassion in his own anger. "If that is what you want, just keep running."

Rachel turned her back to him, looking towards the exit of the pool area. "You would know when someone is running, wouldn't you, Finn? You are the expert on it."

She stomped out of the pool area, leaving Finn clenching and unclenching his fists as he stared after his angry girlfriend. He was mad and confused, not entirely sure of what had just happened. He allowed his emotions to get the better of him and he regretted it almost immediately, but Rachel hadn't been very kind either. Why had she gotten so hostile for, it wasn't like he was the one lying to her!

"What up, man." Finn turned to see Puck come out of the boy's locker room, his best friend's mohawk plastered to the top of his head. He gestured his head to where Rachel disappeared into the school. "I heard you and Princess arguing, everything alright?"

"No, she just got all angry when I asked her what was wrong." Finn made a sound of disgust in his throat, rubbing his eyes tiredly. "I don't get what is up with her anymore, she is acting a lot more emotional than normal, which is something when considering Rach."

Puck put an arm around his friend's shoulder, squeezing comfortingly. "Sorry, bro, but it sounds like you need a little diversion from your life." His eyes glittered mischievously. "I have a few bottles in my truck if you would like to share."

The idea was tempting, Finn thought to himself. It had been a long time since he gotten drunk with Puck - hell, it had been a long time since he had done anything with his best friend. The two were both dealing with their futures and with crazed girlfriends, they barely had time to hang out anymore except for glee club since football was over.

"I don't know...I should really apologize to Rachel."

"Man, does she have your balls in a grip or what," Puck said, removing his arm away in disgust. "Whatever, Finnessa, if that is what you want but don't come crying to me for a beer when she only tightens her grasp."

Finn glared at him, shifting his jaw as he soaked in Puck's words. He hated to admit it, but the boy had a point. If he went to Rachel now she would probably just yell at him more and he wasn't sure if he could handle that without exploding. His head was aching from their fighting already and he couldn't imagine going through another, maybe getting drunk and losing himself would be a good thing.

"Okay, man. I'm in."

Puck grinned and smacked him on the shoulder. "That's my boy! Now, change and meet me at my truck in twenty. I can't have you wearing that, you already look fugly."

Finn threw him a dirty look, but seeing Puck's wide and goofy smile, he could only grin. As the taller boy went into the locker room to change, his thoughts immediately went back to Rachel. He felt bad for going to hang out with Puck when he knew she was mad at him. But, he thought hotly to himself as he pried his locker open and grabbed his clothes, she was the one to start the stupid fight so it could be her to make up for it. He quickly changed into his clothes after a brief shower, the idea sounding even more welcoming as he contemplated it.

His phone beeped and vibrated, the screen lighting up as he took it out of his pocket to show a picture of a smiling Rachel. It made him pause for a moment, a sudden urge to answer the call and forgive Rachel overwhelmed him, but he hit the end call button and threw it back into his jean's pocket. No, for one night, he was going to think about himself for once and do what he wanted.

He could always talk to Rachel in the morning anyway, Finn shrugged as he left the school to meet up with Puck. A small smile came across his face.

Really, what could a couple of beers hurt?

Little did he know how much they could.

**Oh, how I hate doing that. Hope you enjoyed and will review! Until next time! Bye!**


	3. A Spark Flares

**Salve! Another chapter! Yay! Hope you enjoy and review!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee/Fox/Ryan Murphy Productions/Other things...**

03) A Spark Flares

Rachel pulled back her phone and stared at it, numbing shock shooting through her body to gather like a stone in the bottom of her stomach. Finn didn't pick up and it didn't even finish the normal rings, it went straight to voice mail. Tears sprang up in her eyes and she covered her mouth with her hand, masking a sob. Finn had never missed one of her calls in months, he always picked up - even in the middle of the night, keeping his phone always charged and by the side of his bed or near his Xbox.

Him not picking up was like a punch in the stomach, bringing another round of infuriating tears that blurred the steering wheel of her car. She knew he was angry, but not this angry! He had always been such a kind person since the incident, their arguments really only consisting of stupid things like Finn forgetting it was her birthday until the last second or her not "respecting" his Skyrim time (whatever_ that_ was), but they always made up a few minutes later or the next morning they would completely shove it under the rug and let it all be forgiven with a kiss.

And Finn never - _never _- forgot to pick up when she called him after a fight, even when he was the one to initiate it. It hurt. Rachel closed her phone with a snap, trying to stop the tears but failing as she thought of Finn deliberately ending the call on her. She didn't even know what the fight really was about, but her hormones had exploded into a fit of anger. The way Finn said it, how she was lying to him, just pushed her over the edge. If only he knew what that secret was, what she knew, then he would be begging her not to have told him.

But Rachel couldn't blame him, couldn't be angry at him, just because she hadn't had the courage to tell him. Not then, not when he was so upset and glaring at her like she broke his very heart. It was so hard not to break down and cry, to not let him wrap his arms around her and hold her close, but there was a huge obstacle between them.

She was pregnant.

The thought was surreal, she could barely comprehend it herself but the doctor confirmed it. She was pregnant; a baby was growing inside of her, a child born either of a mockery of love or true passion. It hurt so much to know that the baby may not be Finn's, that he would have to go through the same pain he had been dealt two years ago. Worse was the anguish that it was now her lying, her keeping the secrets - she understood fully how Quinn felt and her heart ached for the other girl, hating herself for being so judgmental then.

Tossing her phone into her car's passenger seat, she wiped away the streams and took huge gasps of air to steady herself; realizing numbly that she spent a couple of hours just sitting in her car and crying. All she felt lately like doing was crying, over herself, over Finn, over the baby that was coming closer to existence everyday. She had seen girls whose lives had changed forever since they had a baby, especially with Quinn. The loss of her Cheerio's status, her parents splitting up, the hairstyle, the clothes, smoking...

Rachel laughed without amusement, throwing the keys into the ignition and heading towards her house. Some of the parts she had already been through - the dark clothes, the short hair. What else was she going to have to go through, she thought bitterly, squeezing the steering wheel with enough fury to make her hands go white.

Her phone suddenly rang on the seat next to her and, without a thought of checking who it was, she grabbed it and brought it up to her ear. "Finn?" She asked breathlessly, her heart beating with wild relief.

"I'm guessing it didn't go well then?"

Rachel sighed, trying to not allow the disappointment to show in her voice as it sunk inside of her. "No, I couldn't tell him."

"And why not?" Quinn's tone held nothing back from the disapproval she was feeling as Rachel heard it clear as day. "Don't tell me, you looked into his eyes and couldn't break that innocent look he wears so well."

"No...it wasn't that exactly."

"Oh, really. That was what stopped me each time, him and his damn brown eyes," Quinn muttered, the din of people laughing and dining coming through the speaker.

"Quinn."

"Yeah?"

"Not helping."

"Sorry," Rachel heard her sigh before asking, "So, why didn't you tell him?"

"Because he blew up at me over - I'm not even sure!" Rachel hit her steering wheel, hormones feeding her anger as she growled into the phone. "He was about to kiss me and I edged away, I didn't want to throw up again by the smell of chlorine, and he totally freaked. He started yelling at me that I was lying to him and hiding things from him."

Quinn was silent for a moment before coughing once uncomfortably. "Well, Rachel, you kinda are."

Rachel felt her eyes flash. "Oh, so this is all my fault now? People are acting like I wanted this to happen, that I wanted my life and relationship with the guy I loved since freshman year to be crumbling to fucking hell! Like I wanted to be raped and have a baby coming out of me that might be Finn's or may be _his_! So, I'm sorry! I'm sorry that I did this all because it's so obviously my fucking fault!"

She was now screaming into the phone, her car swerving through both lanes of the side road she was on as she couldn't care less of her own safety. Her heart was beating fiercely with the intensity of her ire, and making her breathe quickly as she waited for Quinn's response.

"Well," Quinn said with a flash of her old spirit, "someone is obviously hormonal."

The anger dropped away, making Rachel feel bad and she deflated like a balloon without air; just sad and pathetic. "I'm sorry, Quinn. I didn't mean to yell, it's just that everything seems to be out of my control and yet it's still my fault. I don't know what to do anymore, Finn won't even talk to me, he is so angry, and I have no one else to turn to. Your the only one who knows what I'm going through and you hate me."

"I don't hate you, I didn't hate you the last couple of years and I don't hate you now, Rachel." Quinn returned. "I can't hate a person I envy - don't scoff, it's true. I may have been the most popular and the prettiest girl with killer abs, but I never had your spirit. I was insecure about my life, I had to use threats and my status in the school to secure everything down. I even had to threaten you from taking Finn away from me and look what that lead to, him walking into your arms right after me. No, Rachel, I don't hate you...but there are times where it comes close."

Rachel smiled at the attempt of humor, somewhat unbelieving of the whole situation. "I know, I can be a drama queen sometimes-"

"_Sometimes_?"

"Okay, all the time. Jeez, thought you were supposed to be helping me here not sending me down Tear-Eyed Lane," Rachel returned, laughing as she heard Quinn laugh back.

"There isn't much I can tell you, except to tell Finn that you're pregnant and exclude...the other parts," Quinn's voice returned to that embarrassed tone, an uncomfortable hint still in it. "Believe me, Rachel, he loves you and he will have no doubts that the baby isn't his."

Rachel took a deep breath, forcing her worry down as she only nodded and turned into her driveway.

Right as Finn stepped out of the doorway.

She smashed her foot down upon the brakes with a scream of surprise and panic, tires protesting fiercely against the pavement.

xXx

Drinking was fun.

Finn couldn't help but to grin as he took the bottle and brought it to his lips, pouring the dark liquor down his throat with a toss of his head. It burned and a cough rose up in his chest, but he suppressed it with another swig. His senses were dulling away and euphoria was spreading slowly to all his long limbs, making his head swim with giddiness. All his oppressive thoughts were slowly being drowned away, and he couldn't do it quick enough.

Puck, the boy leaning against his truck in the middle of one of the million cornfields that surrounded Lima, raised an eyebrow at his best friend. "Slow it down, Finnzilla, or you'll be puking in my truck and she just got new leather."

"Shut up," Finn grinned back at him, enjoying the freedom that he was being given. He had no worries, nothing to think about, no one to watch over; it was only him, Puck, and the beer. He was free, and it never felt so fucking good! He laughed to himself, earning himself another wary look from Puck, but he didn't care. The alcohol took it all way, even the pain.

He frowned severely as he thought of his father, the one whom he once believed to be a hero. Now, he was nothing. Christopher Hudson was just another name, a Lima Loser that tried to overcome the crappy town he came from and failing miserably. He overdosed in Cincinnati, too shameful to die like the nothing he was in front of his wife and son.

Finn finished the bottle to numb the feelings of pain and sadness that suddenly exploded into his stomach, drinking the heavy liquor like it was water.

"Okay, man, that's enough." Puck commented as Finn was reaching for the last one that lay on the hood, smacking the taller boy's hand away. "I said let's have fun, not get wasted off our ass and up chuck all over my girl." He patted the truck affectionately.

Finn glared at him, wanting more. The heartache slowly penetrating through the alcohol, making him feel his life again. But he didn't want to feel that life anymore, the only good thing in it was Rachel and she was angry at him. He flinched at the thought of how his girlfriend would react if she saw him now, but he tossed the thought aside as he lunged for the last bottle, avoiding Puck's arm, and, opening it, he took a deep slug.

He sighed contently as he lowered the bottle, allowing it to mask everything again. It was so easy.

"Not cool, man, not fucking cool!" Puck said, throwing his empty bottle into a distant field in his anger. He glared at Finn and gestured to the bed of his truck, "You can stay in there while I drive your drunk ass home, so if you feel like you have to puke you can do it over the side. Try not to get any on the paint job, man." He slammed the driver's door shut after he entered, while Finn could only finish his bottle, toss it aside, and climb over the wheel into the back of his friend's truck grudgingly.

He watched dully as Puck swerved back onto the gravel road that lead back to Lima, the slight wind a welcoming force against his warm face. He was fully drunk now, and he reclined in the back, enjoying the warm sunlight that was rare for the time of year. It caressed his face softly, teasing his skin like gentle fingertips. He imagined Rachel laying next to him, her chest resting upon his with eyes smiling and one hand brushing along his jaw. Her hair was gently blowing in the slight wind, tossing across her bright and smiling face.

Red lips were curved upward and her chocolate eyes were inviting, demanding for him to kiss her. He reached up to move his face closer to hers and she vanished, a blue sky and a bright sun greeting him as he opened his eyes. His body felt heavy as he struggled to stand up, looking around with narrowed eyes. The truck was still moving but they were in town, and, Finn realized a moment later, close to Rachel's house.

The need to see her overpowered him and, without thinking, he jumped out of the truck as it slowed down slightly for a turn. Stumbling against the pavement, he threw out his hand to steady himself, scraping it in turn; Puck was driving away, no obvious signs that showed he noticed the departure of his friend. Finn grinned at his friend's stupidity, then his face went serious as he remembered Rachel. Her house was only a couple of miles away, and, with a determined expression, set out.

It was dark, the sun dying behind the line of houses, when he finally managed to reach her house. The alcohol didn't seem to be wearing down as he knocked upon Rachel's door, instead still raging fiercely in his body and making everything blur at the edges. There was no response and Finn couldn't help but to feel disappointed, he had walked so far only to be let down. First she wasn't allowing him to kiss her, now, this?

The sound of a car pulling into the driveway caught his attention and his head immediately perked up. Rachel! With his long legs, he was out of the doorway in a second and in front of her car, not realizing that Rachel might not be able to stop enough in time. He heard her scream inside of her car, a phone dropping from her hands as she put them on the steering wheel, and tires screaming as she barely stopped in front of him in time. Her eyes, still wide, looked at him with amazement and great confusion.

He was so happy to see her that he didn't care and bounded over to her window, knocking on it with a wide smile. She only stared at him with that same look as she picked up her dropped phone and quickly said farewell to whoever it was, then opened the door with a cautious gesture. "Finn? Are you...uh, okay?"

"I'm fine," Finn beamed. "No, I'm greater than fine because you're finally here." He grabbed her and swept her out of the car, crushing her body into his in a fire man's lift. She screamed in surprise that turned to laughter as he tickled her, knowing the exact spot where it was the most effective.

"Finn, stop - haha, don't!" She tried to tell him but her laughs stifled any attempts of him stopping. Eventually, he stopped and meet her gaze with a grin. "Is this some kind of an apology, Mr. Hudson?"

"Only if I get to kiss you now," Finn teased, kissing the soft expanse of her neck. She tensed at the gesture, making his ire raise, but the next moment she relaxed and let out a soft moan that sent his mind reeling with the thoughts of hearing it again. Without a word from Rachel, he slowly headed towards the door, never moving his lips away from her neck. "And only if I get to do so much more."

"My dads aren't coming home until later, I maybe just might allow you to," Rachel breathed, one hand upon his neck and caressing the thick curls that lay there. "Finn, I-I just wanted to tell you-"

"Shush," he silenced her, drunken eyes sliding away from her neck as he juggled her and took the keys away from her to open the door. "I know, I love you too and I'm sorry I got mad earlier, but that doesn't matter now. Everything doesn't matter, you being raped, my father being a world-class DBag - it doesn't matter. All that matters is us, our love."

Her eyes were wide as she looked into his, emotion swimming in their depths. "Oh, Finn." She threw her arms around his neck and leaned towards his mouth but paused suddenly, her eyes narrowing with disbelief and the emotion draining away. "_Are you_ _drunk_?"

Finn's eyes darted from her eyes to her lips, their attraction overpowering the disgusted look she was giving him. "It doesn't matter, babe, it doesn't matter at all." He carried her into the living room, setting her down on an end table that was next to the wall, her back pressed against it as he lunged for her neck again. She blocked it with her head, glaring him fully in the eye.

"Finnegan Christopher Hudson, you know how I feel about drinking," Rachel scolded, crossing her arms in disapproval. A sudden spasm of pain flicked across her face, the hallow look replacing her anger. "B-But I can understand why you are, I-I did the same after I was... raped."

"No, no, no, don't cry, babe." Finn hated to see that expression on her face, that look of intense sorrow. Besides it totally killing the mood, he wanted to forget it all, let it be in the past. "It's over, don't you see? It's over and we have the rest of our lives to make memories that will make them all seem like bad dreams." A mischief glint appeared in his cinnamon eyes. "And I know exactly how to start that."

He took a step back from her, a wicked, crooked grin upon his face as he grabbed the hem of his shirt and flung it over his head. As his bare chest was exposed, he returned to his position between her legs, grabbing her face in his hands and bringing it towards his mouth. Finn had only one thought, to love Rachel Berry, to make her forget everything like the beer did for him. It was so easy, so simple, he couldn't believe he hadn't thought of it earlier.

Who said drinking was such a bad thing? He wouldn't have dared try this if he wasn't drunk, but everything just seemed so much easier when he was intoxicated; he didn't think, he just did.

Rachel, after a brief hesitation, threw everything into the kiss, clutching at the back of his neck and pulling him closer to her. His hands moved down from her cheek to the bottoms of her shirt as her hands went lower to his back. He could feel them trace over the scars - scars of her hands - and she tensed, but he didn't stop. Once he got her top off, there would be nothing for her to notice but sweet, sweet pleasure.

"Finn." Rachel's tone was warning, but he ignored it, eager to run his hands on her flat stomach. She grew strangely still as he finally got her shirt off, leaving her only in a bra that emphasized her breasts. He put his large hands on her stomach and was surprised to find it larger than he was used to.

He looked up at her with a confused look, not understanding. Rachel had never been fat, maybe a little baby fat here and there, but never like this. Tears were running down her face as she constantly muttered, "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, Finn."

"Sorry? For what?" His mouth was suddenly dry, the mood shattering like a piece of glass. He took a step back away from her, a sudden cold shiver running through his body to land in his stomach.

"Sorry for making you have to go through this again, for hurting you," Rachel's face was now blotchy with tears, but she never looked away from his fearful gaze. "I'm pregnant, I'm sorry, Finn. It must have been-"

Finn didn't hear the rest as his stomach suddenly churned, from both the alcohol and horror, and he ran to the bathroom to vomit.

**Who says I can't write a classy ending to a chapter? Hope you guys enjoyed, Finn finally knows but not in the way that Rachel probably thought. Review, please! You have all been amazing and I'm loving the comments, they always make me smile! Until next time, bye!**


	4. A Plan of Secrets

**Hello! Sorry about the wait, I went on vacation to New York last week! It was AWESOME! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee/Fox/Ryan Murphy Productions/BUT I DO OWN AN AWESOME 'CAN'T DANCE' T-SHIRT THAT I SAW THERE! So proud of it! **

04) A Plan Of Secrets

Rachel sat by her boyfriend on the bathtub's edge, trying not to cry as she rubbed Finn's neck soothingly as he vomited out the alcohol. He was still shirtless and every time she moved her gaze away from his face, they would immediately return to the scars that grooved his back. Ten lines that if she spaced her hands out right would match perfectly to her fingers. Guilt, terrible guilt, ripped through her, forcing the tears again to come. She felt as if she was never going to stop crying, that her face would be forever stained with salt.

She was silent as Finn finished, one hand over her mouth to prevent the smell from bothering her while the other continued to make circles on Finn's exposed neck. A part of her was angry at him, how dare he drink when he knew how she felt about it. A memory of kissing Blaine sprang up, the embarrassment and disappointment coming with it. Then - another bad memory came - she got puked on by Brittany, which was something that made her complete cold turkey.

Until it happened, but she didn't want to think about those times, not when her boyfriend needed her and she needed him the most.

The other part of her felt terrible guilt, so potent that it would have made her cry if she wasn't already doing that. Finn rarely drank, never got drunk, and this was probably the most she had ever seen him intoxicated before. Done so because of the pain she caused him because of a secret, something that she should have told him but was too scared to do. She still remembered the hollow and agonizing look he gave her when she first told him about Puck and Quinn, the same expression she had given him whenever she thought of her own funeral and with Finn crying at her casket, but so much worse than she could have believed.

It was destruction, complete and utter destruction. His whole world had crumbled that day, he lost his girlfriend, he lost his best friend, he lost the trust he had in people which was slow to come back, he lost it all. But worst of all, in Rachel's opinion, was that he lost something he could finally be proud of, he lost a child that he could call his own.

And was he going to face that again if the child may be Jesse's? Rachel trembled, swearing to herself in that moment that she would never tell Finn the truth, she couldn't make him go through that again; but she wasn't sure if she would be able to lie to Finn so easily, not when he was giving her those damn brown eyes that she felt she could lose herself in.

Finn, panting hard and face pale, finally lifted away from the toilet and flushed the bile down the toilet, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand as he did. He looked so hopeless, kneeling in front of the toilet shirtless and reeking like alcohol, her heart gave a pang for him. She wanted to bring him close and cry for him, lament over the innocence that they lost, but she was scared. She hated the feeling, but she was terrified of what Finn was going to do, how he would react.

He was silent for a long moment, eventually closing his blank eyes as he his face changed from a grimace to cold, emotionless stone. "How long have you known?" His voice was passionless, revealing nothing of his emotions.

"A little over a week, I guess," Rachel returned, her voice shaky with tears. "Felt like so much longer."

"And when were you planning to tell me?" Finn asked, still not looking at her and his plain voice eery in the quiet bathroom. Rachel wished he would be angry or sad, yelling at her with every emotion he was feeling until he grew hoarse, than this nonchalance. It hurt so much worse and she would have preferred him doing anything than this.

"I-I don't know, I was waiting for the right time," Rachel stroked a hair and Finn, annoyed, fidgeted away from her hand. She dropped it with a pang, shaking in fear at his reaction. "I was scared."

"Scared of what?"

"Of how you would react," Rachel answered, thinking against lying as she was doing enough of that already. "I was terrified that you would do the same as you did after you found out about Quinn and Puck, that you would run away like you did then." Her voice broke again and she dropped her gaze as Finn turned toward her, ashamed of herself. "I was scared, Finn, terrified that you would leave me. I feel like I'm losing so much already and losing you would have ended it for me, I can't-"

She couldn't finish, emotion clogging her throat and she buried her head in her hands, sobbing forcefully that made her whole body shake. All she could hear was the sound of her own crying in the bathroom, figuring that Finn had left in his disgust. Rachel couldn't blame him, she would have left too.

A sudden pressure on her arm made her look up, surprised to see Finn still where he was. His eyes were burning with emotion, a deep pain shining in the cinnamon depths. There was an almost sad expression upon his face. "I said I would always love you that one night on the road, and nothing is going to change that. Rach, I love you and I'll never be able to leave you, not because of this, not because of anything." His eyes meet hers, holding her gaze tight. "Do you understand me? And I never want you to think that I would ever leave you, you can tell me anything without fear."

"I'm so sorry, Finn," Rachel begged, placing a hand over his larger one and squeezing tightly. "I should've told you sooner, I was so stupid."

"You're not stupid, Rach, you're the smartest person I know," Finn said, moving his other arm so it was around her neck and pulling her onto his lap. She cradled into his arms, her cheek against his warm chest while he ran a hand up and down her arm. His presence surrounded her, his musky scent overpowering the smell of vomit in the air. She breathed it in, calming her mind and stomach.

They sat like that for awhile, both enjoying the fact that they weren't alone in their problems. They would always have each other, Rachel realized as she traced the veins in Finn's arm with her eyes, and she was so freaking stupid to have not told him earlier.

_And what of the things you haven't told him, that it may not be his child_?

Rachel froze, her body going numb and her surroundings dropping away from below her. The thought was horrible and drove a stake into her heart, but worse was the voice that said it; a voice that she hadn't heard in months. A voice that brought back black memories upon her, reminding her of the things that she had done wrongly.

It was Her. The Girl in the Mirror.

Rachel pressed tighter to Finn, hoping that he would protect her from Her. His arms, after feeling the gesture, came around her and brought her closer to him, her face now in the crook of his neck. She delved her face there, blocking out the Girl as much as she could by listening to the unsteady breaths above and the steady and strong heartbeat below.

"It's okay, Rachel," Finn said, probably thinking her need for closeness was driven by fear of their future. "We'll be okay, don't worry."

"How do you know that, how are you always so positive about us?" Her voice shook with the unsaid question, _How can you be so sure of this when you ran and drank the moment we had a fight?_

"Because, babe, as you said it was us," Finn returned, she could feel his face turn with a smile. "We've been through so much and did so many great things despite all the bad, I mean, look what we did at Miss Sylvester sister's funeral and, just now, at the engagement? We both helped with those things, and we broke up twice before and always came back together; we're supposed to be together, Rach, and to do great things."

"But this isn't some kind of high school drama, this is real, Finn!" Rachel said, shaking her head into his neck, too emotionally drained to raise her head. "I'm pregnant-"

"And, isn't that kinda exciting?" Rachel had to look up at that, his blank expression dissolving to give her a dog-like grin. "You're pregnant, Rach, with our baby. The child that is made out of our love, our feelings for each other, he or she is going to be perfect. I can't think of anyone else I would rather have a kid with than you, Rachel Berry. Yes, it's real, but why must it be a bad thing, why should our child be a thing of disappointment?"

Rachel's eyes flashed across his face, trying to figure if his words were coming from his heart or the bottom of a beer can. By the rapt gaze he was staring at her and with his infamous crooked grin, she could tell it was more than drunken slur. A smile tugged at her face unconsciously, her heart fluttering with unbelieving hope. "So...you're happy about it?"

Finn's face brightened, his eyes blazing with his love. "I love you and any child born from you I will do the same, because I know either he or she will be just as perfect."

"Finn," Rachel couldn't help more tears from coming as she felt such happiness explode inside of her. Finn wasn't angry at her, he wasn't going to leave. Her worry fell away and it felt like a curtain was thrown back to reveal the sun. In a burst of emotion, she flung herself around his neck and cried, "I love you so much, I love you!"

She moved her mouth towards his, rethought it, and gave him a kiss upon his higher jaw, the thin layer of scruffy stubble tickling her lips. There was no doubt that her eyes were beaming as she placed her hands upon his chest, running them over the broad surface. "I'll never understand how you can make me feel so much better even in the darkest times."

"We are two parts of a whole, Rach," returned Finn, a smile tugging at his jaw. "We're connected by something big, by love. And now, we're connected in one more way. Our baby." The last two words rang off his tongue, tasting them with pride and Rachel couldn't help but to feel her heart soar again. "Do you know if it's a boy or girl?"

"No, I'm going in on Saturday...would you like to come?" Rachel asked hesitatingly, a small part of her still feeling doubt; a doubt of herself or for Finn, she couldn't decide.

"Of course," Finn smiled, poking her in mock offense. "I'll be there completely for you, Rach. You have nothing to worry about...just, what are you going to do about him or her?"

Rachel turned her gaze away from his cinnamon eyes, knowing fully which choice he would pick. She hadn't really given it much though, hopelessly pushing it to the back of her mind so she could forget about it. There was a part in her that wanted to keep the baby, to never allow them to feel that ugly question she always wondered about her own mother: why did she give me up? She couldn't bear the thought of her child asking that question, to allow them to feel that unwanted feeling.

But what of her dreams to become a star? How was she supposed to become a star if she had to deal with an infant? She knew Finn would beg to help her, but she also knew that he would never be able to handle it by himself. And where would they stay? How would they be able to afford everything?

Rachel hated being torn between her dreams and her feelings, blasted tears coming to her eyes again. She felt Finn pull her against his body again as she found herself muttering, "I don't know, I don't know."

"Shuu," Finn rubbed her back comfortingly, mimicking the gesture that she was making towards him only a few moments ago. "It's okay, it's a decision that can be made later. You know I love you, right?"

Rachel couldn't help but to grin against his skin, finding herself amused that he could turn everything into something so simple. "Yeah, do you know you reek of alcohol and vomit?"

Finn tensed for a moment and she lifted her head away from him, meeting his guilty look. "I messed up, didn't I?"

"Not as much as I did without telling you," Rachel returned, placing a hand upon his cheek and rubbing her fingers softly over the skin. "Just don't do it again, you scared me there for a moment, Finn. And I don't know if I can deal with anything else."

"It's okay, babe, just a one time thing," Finn said, something almost like doubt flashing behind his eyes but Rachel didn't notice as she rose and riffled through a small cabinet. "What are you looking for?"

"Clean towels, you can't go home smelling like the back of Noah's truck; it smells like beer," Rachel said, giving him a smile which he returned. She tossed him a clad of towels, and prepared to leave the bathroom. "You can shower in here, I'll try to see if anything of my dads could fit you...maybe some over-large sweater they never wore."

"Hey!" Finn gave her an offended look and stood up, staring down at her with a mock frown. "Is that a fat joke?"

"Am I Santana?" Rachel teased back, arching an eyebrow at him. He snapped and grinned, shaking his head. "Good, and I like your body." She went up to him and kissed him on the cheek, standing on her toes to do it, hands running across his bare chest with their night together flashing by in her mind. It was a bright and solid beacon in a sea of black that seemed to be her life now, and she couldn't help but to smile brightly. "Now, go take a shower before my dads come home."

"Okay," Finn muttered, and she turned to leave the bathroom but his hand came out and grabbed her shoulder. She looked over her shoulder confused and was surprised at the intensity of the look he was giving her. His face was completely serious and for a moment he appeared to be completely lucid. "Rachel, I don't want us to fight again, I hate it. I don't care how bad the thing is or what you did, I just want you to tell me. I can't face having another person I love keep things from me."

Rachel felt a pang of sorrow for Finn, knowing full well how hard it was for Finn to deal with the secrets his mom kept from him. They had only slowly been able to return to the way they were, their love for each other overcoming the difficulty. The same thing that Rachel hoped would happen if she ever told him the truth.

In the moment, when Finn was looking at her with such trust and openness in his cinnamon eyes, she wanted to go against her promise she made to herself and tell him of her doubts. However, remembering as well of how happy and excited he seemed for the baby, she couldn't. Finn, although he never wanted to show it, was as close to an emotional brink as she was; the drinking episode proving that. Rachel would have laughed at the hopelessness of it all if she wasn't so absorbed in keeping a smile upon her face.

"Me neither, Finn. No more secrets after today," Rachel said, placing emphasis on the last two words but Finn didn't notice as he only grinned widely. How easily he accepted her word broke her heart and made her want to tell him everything, but she only said, "Now, shower."

"Yes, ma'am." Finn said, and she closed the door behind her as she left the barroom. She kept her hand upon the knob while she heard him remove his clothes, turn on the water, and enter the shower; the shower doors clanging slightly together as he shut them.

Rachel felt her smile slip off as she felt against the door of the bathroom and slid to the floor. Grasping her hair tightly, she buried her head into her knees and cried. Each sob came with a painful jab into her soul, twisting cruelly and making her throat constrict tightly. Her whole body shook with the realization that she was lying to Finn, deliberately lying to the boy that she never thought she would ever lie to. She hated it, despised herself, but she knew that it had to be done.

Finn could not know, never! She wiped at her eyes, trying to hide the tears as she got up and walked to her dads' bedroom to find something for Finn to wear. In her head, the plan seemed so simple: don't tell Finn and hope to everything and everyone that he will never put one and one together, to keep it all secret by using his affection towards her to believe the lies she was spewing.

It had to be done, yet, Rachel looked into a mirror on the wall and saw a empty-eyed girl staring back at her, why did she feel like she was twirling away down a dark abyss, threatening to consume her whole.

**Sorry, not my best chapter but I could never seem to make it work...I'll do better for next chapter, promise! Hope you review, please, and I really hope you enjoyed!**


	5. Warm Glow

**Hello! Another chapter! Hope you enjoy and review!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee/Fox/Ryan Murphy Productions/Saplings**

05) A Warm Glow

Finn sat quietly next to Rachel, one of his hands holding her's reassuringly while she stared at the wall with a fixed stare. He had rarely ever seen her so nervous and he was mildly surprised at his own calmness, but he had been through this before while she had not. A few happy memories passed him by, most of them with Quinn, and he couldn't help but to glance at the girl sitting on the other side of Rachel. The young woman had her hand also in Rachel's, and holding tightly, but there was a far-away expression upon her face. Finn wondered if she was having the same thoughts he was, of revisiting the past as they all sat in silence in the white and eerily-clean waiting room.

He still had mixed feelings about what happened in sophomore year, uncertain if he had truly forgiven Quinn and Puck or not. In his head, he wanted to but there was a small part of his heart that could not believe they did what they did. How could they lie to him for all that time, knowing how much it was going to hurt him? His free hand clenched into a fist as he remembered the rage, the anger, and, most of all, the disappointment that plagued upon him that day.

It had hurt so much, to be let down that greatly. He never felt more alone and empty in his life, and he wasn't sure what would've happened if Rachel wasn't there. She took his hand, held tightly, and guided him back onto the right path. Of course, she started suffocating him and he had to let go for a second, but he never forgot that moment where she helped him through. It was then when he finally realized that he loved Rachel Berry, and wanted her to be with him.

A sad smile came upon his face as he straightened slightly in the small chairs of the obstetrician's office, trying to get comfortable. They had changed so much since then, both having to go through some deep and heavy stuff, especially Rachel. They broke up a few times in the last couple of years, but what mattered was that they always came back together, even through everything they had been dealt.

A smiling young assistant came out of a back room, his teeth flashing in the lights of the office. A clipboard was held to his chest as he approached them. "Hello, I'm Jordan Breckel, and I would like to thank you for waiting so patiently. Doctor Wu will see you now, Miss Berry."

Rachel nodded her head, paling slightly and rose to her feet. Finn kept her hand in his, holding her back a second as her eyes swiveled towards him. The chocolate depths were wide and open, fear making them appear even larger. His heart gave a beat of sympathy for her. "Are you sure you're going to be okay? Do you want me to come with you right away?"

She shook her head. "No, I'll be fine. It'll take a few seconds to get everything ready and I don't want you to get bored. Quinn told me what happened last time you were here and had nothing to do-"

Finn tried not to blush but failed and smiled guiltily. "Okay, so how was I supposed to know that thing would break so easily."

"It was made of glass, Finn." Quinn reproached, a knowing grin upon her face as he gave her a dirty look.

"It looked like plastic. You know, like that clear stuff they use now looks a lot like it!" Finn defended himself, but three smiles were now flashing in his direction, even the assistant's, and he couldn't help but to slouch in his chair, defeated. "Fine, I didn't think."

"Come with me, Miss Berry, " Jordan said gently, looking like he wanted to laugh at the three's antics but keeping his composure professionally. "I'll take you to where Doctor Wu will see you."

"Okay, thank you." Rachel said meekly, giving Finn one last look of anxiety before following after the young man.

Finn hated the glance, wanting to help her but remained seated in the chair that was too tiny for him and only sighed desperately. The same feeling of hopelessness crept over him, reminding him forcefully of sophomore year again, but at least knowing that he was paying for it made him feel slightly better. He had stored up a, maybe not large but substantial, sum of money for college but he wasn't even sure he wanted to go to college anymore, not with the baby that was coming on his or her way.

He couldn't help but to feel a spurt of pride as he thought of the baby that was his, a child born out of his and Rachel's love for each other. A stupid, goofy smile crossed his face as the idea continued to please him; he had something to live for, something to make work in his life. He promised his life to the unborn child in Rachel, and he would do anything for the baby.

Even, he grimaced slightly with a feeling of dread, if he had to take Burt's shop as his own and live in Lima, Ohio for the rest of his life. He would give up his whole future and his dream to move out to make sure that his child would have everything they would need in life.

"Hello? Finn, are you okay?" Quinn's voice broke him out of his thoughts and he turned to see that the girl had moved over to take Rachel's seat and was looking at him with worry. Her face was scrunched up as she examined him closely. "Your expression kept changing like every few seconds, is your stomach nervous-"

"No, no," Finn said, blushing again. "I was just thinking about, you know, everything. I guess I'm kinda mixed about all this, I don't know exactly what's going to happen."

"I know the feeling, and...and I guess you do to," Quinn said, her gaze fidgeting away from his face. Her skin brightened, matching his own, as she continued. "It's difficult, and you have to go through this twice-"

"No, I don't." Finn interrupted firmly, shaking his head as she turned to him questioningly. "Rachel would never do what you did to me, she would never lie to me and keep a secret that big. I loved you, Quinn, but after that, there was no way that I could ever love you again like I do with Rachel. There was a time where I thought we could, but there was only fireworks, no boom."

Quinn closed her eyes, shutting the blue gaze that was filling with tears. There was such an ache of pain in her face that Finn felt awkward. He immediately straightened and moved a hand to her arm. "I'm sorry, Quinn, I didn't mean it like that."

"Oh, you did," Quinn said, still not opening her eyes but gently taking his hand off hers. "And that is the worst part of it. Finn, can you do something for me?"

"I guess, what?" Finn asked, a sense of apprehension crawling up his spin and making him shiver. He didn't like the expression on Quinn's face, almost pitying as she finally opened her eyes to look at him with determination.

"Remember this love that you feel right now for Rachel, how you feel about her and the child that is going to be born." Quinn said slowly, standing up and straightening her skirt slightly, her brown boots making a soft clap as they hit the floor. "Love her, never give up that love, because she loves you as much as you love her. All she worries about is you, and the baby, she isn't thinking about herself anymore. I wanted you to know that, and that she loves you... I'll be right back, I suddenly want to call Shelby and see how Beth is doing."

She then walked away, her eyes bright with emotion, heading towards the parking lot while Finn just stared after her. He blinked, completely confused. Quinn was trying to tell him something, he knew that much about her, but what she was trying to say he couldn't figure out. Of course, he loved Rachel, how dare she think he wouldn't. He committed his soul to Rachel and their child, he wasn't just going to brush that away as nothing.

"Excuse me, sir?" A voice interrupted his thoughts again and he turned to see Jordan, the assistant, approach him with a smile.

"My name's Finn," he said, feeling somewhat uncomfortable with being called 'sir.' The other boy only smiled wider, making Finn wonder if he ever didn't smile.

"I know, I go to McKinley, too," Jordan said, shrugging his shoulder around the office pointedly before looking back at Finn. "I don't do much activities or am really in any clubs as I'm always working here, but I'm a junior this year."

"Really? I never seen you before," Finn said, feeling slightly embarrassed at never seeing him. "Sorry, man, it's just been a really-"

"Don't worry, no need to explain, it's cool." Jordan said, shrugging his shoulders again. "Everyone knows the famous Finn Hudson, quarterback of the football team, star of the basketball team. While I'm just a CNA who hopes he will get into a nursing program three years from now, not as exciting, huh?"

"Nursing sounds...awesome," Finn said sheepishly, before shaking his head. "At least you have a plan, I have nothing and I'm a senior."

Jordan studied him for a moment, his brown eyes critical through the glasses he wore. "Plans aren't as great as you may think, they are what you make of them. I thought I wanted to be a doctor in junior high, then I decided that I wouldn't be smart enough, so I moved down to nursing. All the time I question if I'm right for the health field and that it is the right thing for me; my plans all begin to shake. However, when I see a client smile at me and I know I helped them, it stabilizes. You just need to find your smile, and then you'll know."

Finn blinked at him, surprised at the intensity and passion behind the younger boy's words. "If it helps, I think you'll be a great nurse."

Jordan smiled even wider (if that was possible). "And you'll be a great father." His eyes suddenly widened, the smile faltering but not fading. "Oh, I almost forgot what I came out here for. You may come in and see Miss Berry now, they are about to do the ultrasound if you would like to see."

"I would, thanks." Finn followed the shorter boy through a number of doors, passing by a couple of another CNAs, all who looked frantic and hurried. He never could work in such a fast-paced place, he would lose his mind. Jordan seemed perfectly at ease, however, and led him directly to the room where Rachel, her face even paler then it was a few minutes ago, was lying on a table with her stomach exposed.

Finn immediately went to her side, clutching tightly at her hand as he did. He smiled reassuringly at her, his eyes drifting to her stomach. It amazed him how large it was, slightly embarrassed that he never noticed it before. Returning his gaze back towards her, he leaned over and gently kissed her forehead. "How are you? You okay?"

"I'm fine," Rachel replied, earning himself a wane grin that disappeared almost the next second as Dr. Wu entered the room; an amiable smile upon his face as he walked to the sink and washed his hands.

"Hello, Mr. Hudson, nice to see you here again." The man's face was gentle but his words were so dipped in sarcasm that Finn couldn't help but to blush at and nod his head slightly. He grinned, then turned to his patient. "I already explained most what I am going to do, but it's pretty basic. Put some gel on your stomach and we'll see how your baby is doing, any questions?"

Rachel shook her head but Finn put his hand up. "I do, can you tell if the baby is a boy or girl yet? It doesn't feel right to call him or her an it...like they're an alien or something."

"Rachel said you had intercourse in late October and it being mid-March, almost April, we should be able to determine that, yes." Dr. Wu said, putting on gloves and grabbing the bottle of that strange gel-like substance they always put on Quinn. "It takes about 18 to 22 weeks, so we should be able to see if the little tyke is male or female."

"Cool." Finn grinned, squeezing Rachel's hand while she returned with a death grip; he was surprised the bone in his hand didn't break as he winced at the intensity. It increased as the gel splashed upon her exposed stomach, the doctor mentioning various medical terms and the technology involved, losing Finn almost right away.

Dr. Wu, after a moment, said, "If you look to the screen, you will see your child."

Finn and Rachel both turned to the screen, pulsing and squirming with what was being shown. He really didn't know what he was seeing exactly but his breath was taken away anyway, just astonished that this was actually happening. Blinking away the tears in his eyes, all he could say was, "Wow."

"Wow." Rachel repeated, her voice soft as her eyes glowed with emotion. She loosened her grip slightly, a happy smile slowly spreading upon her face. "I can't believe that is him or her...which is it, Doctor Wu?"

The doctor was silent again, studying the screen with a thoughtful expression. He indicated a mass with one of his fingers, circling areas as he spoke. "There is the head, and that is the arm, and...that, right there, is a young sapling."

Finn blinked. "_It's a tree baby_?"

"No, honey, he means the baby is a boy," Rachel said, her free hand coming to her mouth as tears began to flow down her cheeks. Finn fell into a chair next to the bed, astounded. "It's a boy."

"A boy." Finn felt a stupid and goofy smile come on, a laugh trying to escape his throat. A boy, he had a son. He was going to be a father of a boy, his _son_, his _boy_. He couldn't believe he ever felt such happiness in him then in that moment, wanting to scream and shout to the world that he was going to be a father.

"Wait," Dr. Wu said suddenly, making the young couple's smiles falter in fear and anxiety. The doctor's hand moved a little bit over to a shape next to the baby boy, drawing out things on the screen silently; Finn squinted at it, wondering what the heck it was when Dr. Wu straightened, and smiled at them. "It appears as if your baby are actually babies - twins. A boy and a girl, if my assumption is right."

"Oh my..." Rachel said softly, her face completely glowing now as she turned to Finn, eyes beaming. "A little Rachel and Finn."

Finn couldn't help the tears now, leaning over and kissing her forehead delicately. "A little Rachel and Finn," he repeated.

He lied, there was something better than that moment barely a few minutes ago, that moment now. He was going to have a son, and a daughter. His chest swelled with pride and his heart burst with the love as he stared at the screen, unable to believe the amount of emotion he was feeling. He was torn between such potent happiness, worry, and fear; he didn't know how to raise a child, especially two.

But, turning to Rachel and seeing her beautiful and happy face, with her at his side, they could do anything.

"Well," Dr. Wu said with a smile and removing his gloves, throwing them away and moving over to wash his hands. "I'll have Mr. Breckel come in and clean you up, Rachel, and get you ready to go home. I want to speak to Finn for a moment about the bill, it will only take a second."

"Okay," Rachel said, giving Finn a wary look that he read easily: was he going to be able to pay for the bill.

He only smiled and kissed her forehead again, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear as he did. "It's okay, babe, I got it all covered. See you in a moment."

She nodded, and Jordan came in as Finn and the obstetrician walked out. The older man sighed as he walked him to a small meeting room, indicating for Finn to sit. The taller boy did, slightly confused. He never had to do this with Quinn.

"This isn't about the money, Mr. Hudson, that is all taken care of," Wu explained, probably reading the confused expression on the younger man's face. "No, I wanted to talk to you about Rachel...do you know that there are cuts on her wrists, horizontal ones?"

Finn gulped, the image of them bleeding suddenly flashing into his head and bile rising up at the memory. He could only nod his head, trying to make an excuse for them. It wasn't any business of Dr. Wu's what happened to Rachel, the kind of torment that she had to go through. He couldn't think of anything. "Yes, I knew."

Wu sighed, his face seeming to age as he did, making him look older then he was. "I'm guessing that they were an attempt at suicide, but it was obvious that it was done without much thought. What most people do not know is that it is far more likely that you will die by vertical cuts than horizontal. And, not being very deep to cut anything important like a muscle or nerves, it wasn't forced."

"Yeah, Rachel went through a dark time a couple of months ago..." Finn swallowed, still feeling that same dread he felt when he first saw them. "But it's all okay, now, and she has completely moved on."

"I see that but I'm still concerned." Dr. Wu said slowly, meeting Finn's gaze so he knew the younger man was paying attention. "One of the twins, the girl, is developing slower then the boy. I'm not saying that that has anything to do with Rachel's attempt, as it is common for one twin get more nutrients and supplies from the mother than the other and still have both of them healthy. But, as you said Rachel was going through a difficult time, that stress can place harmful stress upon the children."

Finn swallowed again, trying to get past the lump that was forming in his throat, his happiness slowly fading away to be replaced by fear. "Is there anything you can do to help her? Is she going to be okay?"

"I'm still not sure that there is anything wrong with her, as it is still somewhat early and them being twins, but I would like to do some extra tests." Dr. Wu said, his voice light but every word seemed to crush Finn anyway. "However, they start to become costly and they may show that nothing is wrong."

Finn shook his head, his decision resolving swiftly as he followed his heart, something that never steered him wrong. "No, life is more important than money. Do the tests. I will do everything I can to help my daughter and son, I won't let them down."

Not like my father did to me, Finn finished in his head. He swore that he was going to do everything he could, even if he had to work at shop the rest of his life - he would make sure that his and Rachel's children would have a good home, and love them with all his heart.

_I promise_.

**Hope you like it! Next chapter is the one that you all have been dreading, so stay tuned! Lots of reviews may make the writing process go faster! Thanks for reading, hope you're all having a good week! Enjoy the weekend! I know I will!**


	6. Unexpected Confession

**Salve! It has been a long week and I think we should rap it with another chapter, no? Hope you all enjoy! Finchel is going to be tested!**

06) Unexpected Confession

Rachel glared at his smiling face, trying not to reach up and hit it off him. Most of the time it was charming and welcoming, but not now, not when she was trying to win an argument. But it was just so darn tempting, she thought as she slammed her locker shut, the sound reverberating satisfactorily. "I repeat, how am I supposed to win against that smile? It's just not fair!"

"We've been over this before, you have boobs," Finn said, picking up her backpack and throwing it over his other shoulder easily as they made their way slowly through the congested hallways of McKinley High School. "And, let's not forget, your legs when you're wearing those skirts. Now, stop trying to change the subject."

"I'm changing the subject because there is no way, Finn, it's not going to happen," She insisted, tugging a stray piece of hair behind her ear hotly as she gave a puff of air. "Not yet, not when we haven't even told any of our parents yet-"

"I told my mom."

Rachel turned to him in a flash, stopping, fear erupting in her throat and making her head spin as she hit him on the arm. "Finn! You promised that we would tell your parents together." She put a hand to her forehead, trying to calm her racing heartbeat and nerves. The corridor was spinning around her and she felt like she was going to faint. "Oh my, oh my. Carole is going to tell Burt, who is then going to tell my parents! What did you do!"

"Babe, calm down." Finn put a reassuring arm on her shoulder, clamping gently but forcefully, and making her look up into his deep eyes. She immediately felt herself cool, despite her wish to scream at him front of the whole school body for being a complete moron. But, in a way that she still not fully understand, he could make everything seem so simple, so easy, _so right_. "I only told my mom and, even though she didn't like it, she promised not to tell Burt until we're ready. And I think we should tell everyone soon..."

He shifted his feet for a second, looking slightly embarrassed as he shrugged. "I don't know, just doesn't feel right that we're keeping all these secrets from people, especially people who are supposed to be our friends and family, and I didn't want any more issues between my mom and I, so I told her. Feels wrong by not telling anyone and I don't like it...but I'll do what you want, Rach."

"If you did what I wanted, you wouldn't have told your mom!" Rachel snapped back, but she felt herself deflate at his words and gave a sigh of resignation. "Okay, I'm sorry. I understand, you and your mom are very close...W-What exactly did she say...about everything?" There was a note of fear in her voice that she did not want, unable to hide the fact that she was scared of what Carole would think. His mother had told her once that she was a good thing for Finn, someone to love and resemble his life after, to anchor him to a good future.

Rachel was pretty positive that didn't mean getting pregnant in high school though, especially considering that it might not even be his child.

"I don't know, same thing she did last time," said Finn as he moved his arm so it was upon her shoulder, leading them back on their way to the choir room. "She just held me and said that everything would be okay, but, this time, I actually believed her. Don't you see, Rach?" His face brightened, hope making him smile, wide and filled with his dreams. "Maybe this was all meant to happen, that this is our way to finally get our lives back. A purpose."

Rachel had to turn away, tears suddenly springing in her eyes but she quickly blinked them away so Finn wouldn't see. "Maybe, but let's just get through Glee without anyone else jumping down our throats about me being pregnant. I just want to think about singing and nothing else, to get back on track."

"Okay, babe, but everything won't go away if we simply don't talk about it." Finn noted wisely, and she didn't make a comment. It hurt too much to even speak, knowing that whatever she would've said would have them tumbling down another hole of lies and false smiles. She hated it - she hated herself, for lying to Finn, but what else was she supposed to do? She couldn't tell him that the babies may not be his, that the little Finn might not be a little Finn after all.

Finn would be destroyed, she thought sadly to herself as she watched her boyfriend stride to a couple of seats that were open and dropped her bag next to one as he settled himself in another, carelessly throwing his own bag to the side. Even though he never admitted it, even to her, she knew that he was still torn about his father, and she completely understood that. There were few wounds that were deeper and more painful than the betrayal of a loved one, and it seemed like Finn was being lashed by that his whole life. Quinn, his first girlfriend that he thought he would love for the rest of his life; Puck, his best friend since elementary school; Carole, his own mom who was his only parent for seventeen years of his life; and, not able to deny it, Rachel herself.

She made out with Puck in an attempt to make Finn jealous in junior year, and it completely crushed him. There was nothing Rachel wouldn't have done to be able to go back and stop that from happening, but she had and it hurt Finn. It hurt him so badly that he returned to the very first person that wounded him in the first place. It had taken a whole semester of fighting and regretful glances that were unnoticed by the other - not to mention losing Nationals - to get back together.

Rachel sat next to him, a fake smile on her face as she eased herself into the chair next to him. Finn was distracted by Kurt coming over to talk to him, and she was glad for the excuse not to think of anything to say to him, too absorbed in her thoughts. The question that really had worried, making her stay away at night and stare up at the ceiling of her room emptily, was what would happen if Finn found out. There was no question that he would break-up with her, she couldn't help but to admit and even that thought brought pressure behind her eyes. Though there was so many others, what would Finn do? Would he try running away like he did when he first found out about his dad? And, the worst, would he return to Quinn, bouncing off the two girls each time they broke his heart? And how long would it take for him to eventually _break_?

No, Rachel tightened her hands into fists and felt her heart blaze with the compassion of her intent, Finn would never know the truth. She had Quinn sworn to secrecy and she was certain that the girl wouldn't tell; she too knew of the pain it would force Finn through.

"Hey, guys!" Will Schuester's voice broke her out of her reverie and she looked up to see the smiling teacher approach them, flinging his own bag onto the piano table. "For this week, I was thinking that we should show our love. Now, what that love _is_ will be determined by you guys. Each of us has a special someone, or something, that makes our heart race and brain flutter. Simply, it makes us feel happy."

He laughed, and Rachel didn't need to know whom his "someone" was; a perky redhead with a smile that could almost match her own (just not without Rachel's brilliant shine that could only be accomplished by doing oral care five times a day) popped in her head and she grinned to herself, happy for her teacher. Her eyes slide to Finn, who turned to Rachel the same time she looked at him, and their eyes meet. Chocolate upon cinnamon, melting and falling into each other's gazes. Without a word or facial expression, their hands came up and fingers intertwined.

Rachel didn't even need to think about who she was going to sing about, he was right in front of her.

"I love you," Finn said as the choir erupted into a din of chatter, each muttering excitedly about who they were going to sing to and what song. His soft voice, however, overcame it all and she smiled at him.

"I lov-"

"Oh, stop with the kissy faces, you're going to make me barf," a snide voice interrupted and Rachel turned to glare at Santana who was sitting on the row above them, a wicked smile upon her face as Brittany sat next to her, an aloof and gentle expression on the other girl's face as she held her girlfriend's hand in one hand and twirled her hair innocently with the other. The Latino, however, didn't move her narrowed eyes from them. "You should really stop doing that, you may never know what comes out of it..."

Her knowing tone and the way her eyes glinted maliciously brought a sudden fear to Rachel, panic beginning to rise in her throat. She couldn't speak as her mind tried to connect the dots. Luckily, Finn didn't have that problem.

"Shut up, Santana. You're no better with Brittany, so maybe you should just keep your comments to yourself." Rachel felt a rush of pride for her boyfriend standing up to them but Santana's next words crushed it under despair.

"At least with Brittany, McFinn, I'll never have to worry about getting her pregnant." Her voice was like venom and Rachel saw Finn flinch in her periphery. The way the whole choir room went quiet made her realize that everyone was paying attention now, staring at the three and Brittany, who was humming to herself a Brittany Spears song and completely oblivious to everything. Santana leaned forward, her raptor gaze flicking back to Rachel. "Isn't that right, Dwarf. What would your name be? _Preggy_?"

Rachel snapped, furious and embarrassed that everyone was starting to stare intently at her, especially her belly. A few of them had realization stricken over their faces, some still looked confused, Quinn had her head bowed and was buried into her hands. "You bitch," Rachel snarled, feeling her eyes blaze with furious intent. "You had no right, no obligation to expose that. You _shallow, deplorable, impudent, manipulative, demeaning bitch_!"

Then, doing something that she never dreamed about doing, she rose her hand and swiped it across the Latino's face. Hard. The impact making a pleasing smack that sent shivers of pain through her hand and up her arm, but she was too angry to care. She lifted her hand back to do it again, and again, but Fin nwas holding her now, drawing her body into his lap and pulling her in close to his chest.

"Rachel!" He exclaimed, sounding both astounded and somewhat pleased.

Santana, looking completely shocked for a moment, now rose to her own feet. Her tanned skin was flush with humiliation and anger, dark eyes lost in fury. "I'm the bitch? At least I knew how to put a damn condom on a guy! And don't act righteous with me, _Prego_! I did you a favor, now you won't have to worry about telling the rest of us eventually, and thanks, thanks for keeping something so huge from the rest of us!"

"How did you even found out?" asked Finn, his arms restraining Rachel from leaping at Santana. Her words didn't console her at all, it only feed her hormones to a rage that wanted to devour the girl whole. "We were the only ones who knew, besides Quinn."

"Wait!" Kurt suddenly stamped up, his face red with disbelief, mirroring half the expressions on the students' faces. "You told Quinn about this, but not me? Your own brother?"

"It wasn't my secret to tell, Kurt!" Finn returned bluntly, as Rachel felt her anger turn towards Quinn. The blond girl looked up from her hands and blue eyes flashed guilty, tears filling up the sad depths.

Sudden dawning fell on Rachel, and she felt her anger blaze to a new potency. "It was you! You told her!" Rachel screamed, now grasping at Finn's arms to break loose and shaking her body to try and pry away but Finn kept his arms tight. "I trusted you, Quinn! I put my faith that you would at least keep your word, and you tell the biggest mouth here?"

"I think that spot belongs to Sam, actually." Santana said, making the boy's face burn, dropping his head with embarrassment. "And don't be yelling at her, she didn't tell me. She just picked a very bad place to call you at, a very bad place. I heard it all." She knocked her head slightly to the side, an inquisitive look upon her face. "I was a little surprised at you, Dwarf. I mean, you always were the one prattling around her and crying about club unity, that we're all so good friends."

Santana tapped her lips, eyes narrowing in mock thought as she contemplated Rachel. "I never knew friends kept such big events from another, especially when the two are the captains of this 'club of friends' and one of them is our biggest shot at winning Nationals. Doesn't really seem very united to me, sounds more like you're not very trusting."

"Shut up, Santana!" Finn repeated, his face scowling fiercely at her despite a blush spreading across it. "You have no idea what Rachel is going through, what we had to deal with!"

Santana's eyes flashed coldly in his direction, her mock seriousness replaced by a frown of steel.

"And you do? You always act like you're the leader, that you make the shots. But it isn't you, it's the pipsqueak behind you who does, too dwarfed by your height to be seen by anyone else. You may act like your the tough guy and have all the answers, but you never do!" She laughed coldly, Finn tensing at her words. "I'm surprised that you could even knock Berry up! Sure it wasn't like sophomore year and some other guy had to step in and do it?"

Rachel's anger was gone in an instant and she felt her insides freeze as Finn went completely still, his arms loosening but Rachel didn't bother to try and escape. Her eyes were on Finn, hoping, praying, _begging_ that he wouldn't make the connection that Santana horribly made. Her breathing died to nothing as pain and sudden horror flooded his face, trembling against Rachel. Finn unconsciously tried to pull back away from her, as if she was diseased, but Rachel kept a hold of him tight, their roles reversed now.

"Finn?" Her voice was barely a whisper, but it echoed horribly loud in the choir room and she couldn't help but to cringe at the despair in the tone.

He suddenly stood, making her slide off his lap despite her hold on him, landing sharply on the floor but the pain didn't even compare to the agony that was rippling through her small frame. Finn was deathly pale, his tall and broad body shaking uncontrollably and he looked like he was going to be sick or pass out. Mr. Schuester immediately came to his side, but the younger man pushed him away irritably, eyes still wide and filled with awful realization.

Santana, now looking somewhat uneasy, was rushing her eyes between Finn and Rachel. "Hey, I didn't mean you to get this dramatic on me-"

_"Shut the fuck up, you have done enough_!" Finn suddenly roared, making everyone flinch in the choir room. His cinnamon glare was consumed with such rage and sorrow that even Santana could only sit down and be quiet, something very much against her personality. Rachel trembled as that same gaze was turned down upon her, tears falling down her cheeks as she shook her head, not believing that this was happening.

"Finn, _please_-"

"Tell me something Rachel, and don't you dare fucking lie to me," growled Finn slowly, pointing an accusatory finger at her while all she could do was sob. "Tell me the truth, who is the father? Who is the fucking father?"

Rachel was silent, rocking uncontrollably as she wrapped her arms around her knees and buried her head there. The choir room dropped away from around her and she was lost in her sorrow. Painful sobs and tears ravaged her body, making her hiccup and nose run. She knew that she probably looked like a mess, but she didn't care - she was one. She had messed up so fucking bad and everything that she had been working so hard on for the last month was crumbling.

"Fuck," Finn muttered, forcing Rachel to look up. He was staring down at her with such disbelief and pain that she could barely keep herself from turning away again. His hand ripped through his hair, as if some magical answer would be there. Eventually he looked away to glance frantically at the rest of the gleeks but all were stunned beyond ability to think, and he stumbled back. "_Fuck_."

"Finn, please, let me explain-" Rachel tried but Finn suddenly flashed upon her, his anger exploding.

"What is there to explain, Rachel!" His soft voice was beyond its usual magnitude and the sound made her want clamp her hands over ears and block it out until it went away, but she couldn't move away from his furious eyes, tormenting her as they still captivated her the same. "That you lied to me, that you purposeful kept this from me! I-I trusted you, I gave you everything that I could, and this is what I get in return. I love you, Rachel, why would you do this to _us_? _To me_?"

"Because I love you too, Finn! I didn't want you to be hurt-"

"And what is this? What is this right now, Rachel?" Finn bent his head, tearing his hands through his hair as if he wanted to rip it all out. "What the fuck would you call this? Making it easy, making it less painful? You lied to me!"

"I didn't lie to you, Finn!" Rachel tried to protest feebly, the remark dying in her throat as he shook his head, anger and disbelief radiating off him like a heater. "I never said it was yours, you just kinda assumed it. Please, understand, I only did it so you wouldn't do like you did after you found out about your father. I did it for you!"

The instant it was out of her mouth she knew that it was the wrong thing to say, Finn looking like he wanted to kick something across the room. "You thought I couldn't handle it? That I would be such a loser like my father that I would go OD or something?" Finn shook his head again, flicking a hand angrily at her. "You know what, Santana is right, you really talk a good game, but when it comes for times that are really important - you just don't get it. What happened to that song you sung me? That you could trust me, even when it hurts, even when everything is falling apart. That I steady your heart?" His face scrunched up into disbelief, almost loathing. "What happened to all that, Rachel?"

"I meant every word, I meant-" Rachel cried, sobbing as she hated the way Finn was looking at her, how the whole club was staring at her, and, even more, she hated herself. "I love you, Finn, please..."

"You know what the worst part is, Rachel?" Finn asked softly, his tone hateful and sad as he took a step back from her. "I still love you, I still love you with every fiber of my being, but I can't trust you. I won't run like you think, I'm going to stay for those babies as I made a promise to them that I would be there for them. A promise made no matter the father, but know this, I stay only for them."

Finn looked like he wanted to say more but instead he just bowed his head, hiding the tears, and rushed out of the choir room. Rachel, still cradled miserably on the floor, could only stare after his retreating form. She whispered his name, begging for him to come back but he ignored them; his tall frame vanishing behind a corner, her heart aching with his sudden departure.

The whole choir was quiet, confusion and questions clouding most of their faces, the only sound was Rachel crying, sill staring at the door as if Finn would return, scooping her up in his arms and saying that everything was forgiven.

It was finally Puck who spoke first, his voice his natural tone, "And this is why I _fucking_ don't need cable!"

**So, what you guys think? Opinions are very much appreciated in reviews and I would love to hear what you think, and the drama only escalates from here, folks! Hope you enjoyed and will review. Until next time, _Vale_!**


	7. Hope Among Stormy Clouds

**Hello! I hope you guys are having an awesome week, I know I am! Though, my word, I either have the smartest reviewers, you're all psychic, or my story is just really easy to predict, but you guys had it down! I am pleased that Finn's rashness and "extreme" actions were noticed, now, I'll shut up and allow you to read. Enjoy!**

07) Hope Among Stormy Clouds

Rain began to fall as soon as he pulled over into an empty parking lot, his truck rumbling and juddering in complaint as he drove it carelessly. The water began to shroud the truck's windows but his eyes were already blurred with tears, trying hard not cry or punch anything in his anger. His hands were clasped tightly upon the faded steering wheel, the knuckles turning white in the intensity of his grasp.

Finn didn't know where he was going, nor what he was exactly going to do whenever he got there. He just had to get away, to not have to think about anything; a box of dark liquid sitting on the passenger's seat for that exact purpose. Without Puck's knowledge, he swiped it from the back of his best friend's truck, he doubted Puck would ever notice. There was at least a dozen more, and probably twice that more at his house. It was more for show than anything, Finn had realized awhile back as he eventually stopped his truck and turned off the ignition. The pattering of rain against the cab surrounded him, tears falling down his cheeks.

_I love you, Finn, please..._

Finn banged his hand upon the steering wheel before falling back and bashing his head against his seat's headrest, trying to block out everything with the pain. Rachel's face, pale with horror and blotchy with fat tears, swam before his vision, her words echoing in his ears. They mocked him, cruelly opening old wounds that he thought were once healed completely.

He wanted to scream, he felt the need to hurt something, but most of all, he _wanted_ to be angry at Rachel. She lied to him, maybe not outright, but indirectly she misguided him into believing that the children she were carrying were his. She allowed him to foster a hope, a dream that eventually everything would be okay in the end, and, now, she allowed it to die.

But he still couldn't hate her, not even be angry at her, because a small part of him realized that it wasn't her fault. Rachel didn't want to be raped, she didn't ask for all this fucking crap to happen. What she had done was out of love for him, and it had to hurt her as much as it hurt him, maybe even more, and he completely blew up in her face. The look of pure torture and agony was like a stab into his heart, and he wished he could go back and redo it all over, to be more understanding.

No, he wasn't angry at Rachel. He wasn't even angry at Santana for opening her stupid mouth, exposing the whole secret to glee club in such a douche way. No, he wasn't angry at any of them. He was mad at himself, angry at the reason why Rachel hadn't told him. Her words played through his head again, making his ire rise.

_I only did it so you wouldn't do like you did after you found out about your father._

Rachel was scared that he would run, that he would try to leave her and everyone else again, or maybe even pull a stunt like he did in sophomore year. Finn wanted to say that he wouldn't have, but looking at himself now and the beer in his passenger seat, he knew that it would have been a lie. He ran away now, and he most likely would have done it then if Rachel had told him earlier. She knew him better than he did himself, knowing how he would react when a situation arose. Or, should he say, how best to run away from it.

Finn groaned and grabbed a beer, ready to snap off the lid and poor the harsh liquor down his throat. But he paused, staring at the bottle with a mixture of loathing and want. Why was he so weak, he asked himself cruelly, why couldn't he face up to anything? His feet never seemed to stop running, trying to find a place where he could eventually stop, but everywhere he went there was the same problems, the same hard choices and difficult talks.

Why was he being the same person that he hated the most in his life, a Lima Loser? Why couldn't he act strong?

"No," Finn muttered, shaking his head as he flipped the lid open with practice ease. It wasn't his fault that his life sucked, that everything good in his life seemed to be twirling away from him. That anything he believed in, anything that he took to his heart and wanted to believe in so badly, was either lies or cruelly taken away from him. Quinn, football, his future, his father, and, now, his own children.

He loved them, he loved the little buds growing inside of Rachel, his heart ached for them even when he wasn't sure if they were his or not. A sad smile came across his smile as he remembered the hope and pride he felt when he thought of them as his own, imagining the girl to be a perfect Rachel and the boy to look like him, but with the brains of his mother - _God, he hoped_. The girl remained the same in his mind, but the boy was gone, replaced by a black shadow with non-descriptive features.

Yet, he couldn't stop loving them, knowing that they came from Rachel made him want to love them even more.

And, maybe, that was the worst pain of all, he thought as the tears fell even thicker down his face. To love something that he could never truly call his own, to never be able to look at them and say proudly to anyone who would listen, "Those are my kids..."

"Hey, kid!" Finn dropped the bottle in his surprise, splashing the alcohol down his front and onto the floor of his truck. Glancing to the mirror, his heart jumped even faster. For, peering into the cab with eyes narrowed against the rain, was a police officer; an aged face that looked lean and clean shaven except for a thick mustache under his hawk nose.

Fuck, fuck, _fuck_! Now running wasn't even working for him, as he panicked, trying to think of a perfect alibi for everything but came up completely blank. Heart in his throat, he pulled down the window and said in the most innocent tone he could muster, "Yeah, officer?"

The cop's eyes flashed across his face, most likely noting the tears that stained his face, before revolving to take in the open box of beer and the bottle that lay on the floor. His nostrils flared, and Finn realized a second too late that his whole truck, and himself, reeked of alcohol. _Shit_.

The cop returned to him, analyzing his face again. "You're that Hudson kid, right? Finn, I think? The quarterback at McKinley High, leading the team to state this year?"

"I was the quarterback," Finn said, anxiety and fear making his voice crack. "But not anymore, football is over for the year and I'm a senior, so no more."

"What? No football scholarship?" The cop's voice sounded genuinely surprised, and Finn couldn't help but to feel a stab of chagrin at the tone. "You played an excellent season, brought some life and spirit finally to this small town."

"Yeah, well, not everyone can have it so simple," Finn returned hotly, forgetting that he was speaking to a cop who could put his ass in jail if he wanted. "I'm sorry that I disappointed you, you can take a number and go to the back of the line of all those who I did the same to."

The cop was silent for a long moment, and Finn wondered if he had gone too far, but eventually the man sighed and walked around his truck. To Finn's surprise, he opened the passenger door, tossed the box of beer out into the parking lot with a crash, then slid in to the vehicle. He removed his hat and shook it a little bit, trying to get some excess water off and Finn noticed a tag that said the cop's name. _Sheriff Jahner_.

Oh, fuck, he was a freaking sheriff! Could anything get worse? Knowing his life, it probably could.

"Finn," Jahner started, placing the cap in his lap and capturing Finn's eyes with a rapt gaze. "I don't like what I'm seeing now, not at all. When I came to the games, I saw someone with a chance to get out of this town, playing ball through college and ending anywhere except in this dump that we somehow call a town. What happened to that boy, son?"

"I'm not your son," Finn retorted, furious suddenly at the sad look the sheriff was giving him. "And why should you care? You don't know me, you don't know what I'm going through yet you act like you know best for me. Not like you're the only one, I guess." He moved his eyes away, ruefully staring out the window at the dreary day, the weather mirroring the turmoil inside of him.

"You're right, I don't know," said the sheriff with a shrug, placing a hand upon Finn's shoulder but he shook it off indignantly. "But when I see you now, I have a choice I can make. I can either be the hard cop and arrest you for underage drinking or in possession of an open container, or I could figure out if there is anything I could do.

"You seem like a good kid, and besides that mess with the mailman-" Finn winced at the dark memory, a blush creeping up his neck towards his face "- you have a perfect record." Finn gave him an awkward look, wondering how he knew that and the sheriff laughed. "Well, your friend Puckerman is always being ushered in by Lima's finest, and your name comes up from time to time. We, also, don't have that much to do except watch druggies and pull cats from trees, so filing becomes a big part of our job."

He laughed again, rubbing his jaw with a smile as his mustache bristled with the movement. "Not what I thought it would be when I first signed up, more car chases and fights at gunpoint like in_ Law & Order_ or something, but it's a good job, nice enough pay." He shook his head as if shaking off the subject. "Sorry, my ex-wife says I could ramble away until the very walls were telling me to shut up...Where was I again?"

"Something about having a choice to make," Finn muttered back, slightly confused at the whole situation.

"Oh, yes, choice to make," Jahner repeated, intense eyes back upon Finn. "We all have choices to make, Finn, some important, some small. Every choice we make defines who we are, defines what makes us different than the guy next door. And I see you, right now, picking the wrong choice."

"I see you drinking your life away," said Jahner, his voice slow as his words played across Finn's vision. "You'll get a crappy ass job that will be able to get you a small apartment and enough alcohol to keep you intoxicated half the time, ignoring the world and your surroundings. Eventually that will turn to drugs and God knows what else, and I'll find you dead on the street one day due to an overdose."

Finn gulped, a sudden ache in his throat. "Kinda harsh for a cop, isn't? Aren't you supposed to help us, not bring us down."

"I'm telling it how it is, I seen it enough to know that it happens," Jahner said dejectedly but he never moved his attention away from Finn. "And I don't want it to happen to you, not a lad such as yourself. If the only way to make that not happen is to show you the brutal honestly, then, by God, I'll do it!"

Finn glared at him, eyes narrowing. "Why do all adults act like they know everything, I had the same freaking conversation with my teacher-"

"And I bet you listened and everything worked out well, didn't it?"

"That's not the point-"

"_Didn't it_?" The sheriff's voice held no room for argument and Finn couldn't help but to nod reluctantly, angry at the truth of the words. "See? We all know about this because we've been through the same damn shit you been through, and if you're smart like I wasn't, then you'll freaking listen. Got that, kid?"

"What wrong choice did you make, sir?" Finn asked cautiously, watching the sheriff warily. The man was kind of scary when he was relied up.

"I choose my job over my family, and now I'm divorced," Jahner said sadly, brushing his mustache with a contemplative gesture. "We have to think about what makes us happy and feel alive, not money. Another lesson to learn." He was silent for a long time, making Finn squirm uncomfortably in his seat. "And, now, I'm giving you a choice. First choice, I can take your ass back to the station and ring you up for underage drinking. This would be on your permanent record, lad, and I don't want to know what your parents would do to you."

Finn winced at the thought of Burt finding out, knowing well of his step-father's wrath. "What about the second choice?"

xxx

Rachel sat hollowly on her couch, eyes staring vacantly at the wall as she curled herself into the soft fabric. She wasn't exactly sure on how she even got there, Quinn maybe or was it Mr. Schuester? All she could remember was someone guiding her into a car and taking her home, where she only had the energy to slump onto her couch and think about all she had done.

How could I have been so stupid! Why did I think that this wouldn't rebound, Rachel thought to herself bitterly, why did I believe that everything could have worked. Didn't hiding things from the person you love just cause problems? She should've learned that lesson from Finn...

Finn. His handsome and smiling face appeared in her mind, his cinnamon eyes glowing with intent as he leaned forward to kiss her softly upon the lips. The lure of his mouth drawing her closer to him, eager to feel him upon her. As soon as the vision came, it vanished behind another picture of Finn, glaring down at her with such malignancy that she couldn't help but to cower. Eyes closing to block out the look of hate and despair, she rubbed furiously at them to get that image out of her head.

It was replaced a second later by the looks the glee club gave her after Finn left, the ones before she lost hold of reality and was swallowed in her despair. They were filled with loathing, not understanding everything as they believed Rachel had cheated, had slept with someone else. The last words she could remember was someone screaming, probably Santana but she wasn't exactly sure. "_What did you do, Berry! What did you fuck up now_?"

"Something huge," she lamented now, wishing to cry but her body ached with the effort; she simply couldn't cry anymore.

Rachel tried to think of something, anything else that would raise her out of this pitying despair, but all she could think of was Finn. The way he held her that none could replicate, the feeling of safety his broad form gave her when she was pressed tight against him in his arms. The pressure that his hand gave her whenever it roamed her body, enjoying in the curves that her body allowed and the softness of her skin. She trembled at the memory and couldn't help but to wonder if she was ever going to feel those things again from him.

_I stay only for them._

"Oh, God," she wept, the tears still not coming but a force behind her eyes threatened her. Rachel hated them, despised her _own_ children, a fact that tore her heart, but she couldn't help to think that if they were never conceived none of this would've happened. Finn would still be with her and they would be returning back on the path that they were taking together, a road to recovery.

Now she wasn't even sure where she stood, her life rocking like a ship at sea. Nothing was stable anymore and she was getting tired of floundering, of trying to stay afloat...

A frantic knock on her door broke her out of her state, and she was startled to find that the light in the room was already dying, shadows filling the corners except for a few flashes of lightning. Rachel ruefully fell deeper into the cushions, hoping that the person would just go away but it kept coming, sounding even more hectic as the rain pounded harder upon the roof.

Eventually she forced herself to get out of her small reverie and walk to the door, ready to give someone an ear full. Then she opened the door.

Finn, panting heavily and his clothes plastered to his body from the rain, towered above her. His chest was rising and falling heavily as if he had ran the whole way there. His hair was slapped against his face, the curls almost reaching his cinnamon eyes that sparkled down at her. A smile, so wide and uncanny for the despair she was in about him, was upon his face and she couldn't help but to feel a little of that tension inside of her rise up, her lips twitching into a small smile.

"Hey." She said lamely, unsure of how to proceed but she didn't have to think hard as everything Finn was suddenly surrounding her.

His strong arms curled around her body and brought her up to his face, his lips pressing tight against hers. They were wet with rain and he smelled like the outside, that musky scent filling up her nose, but she didn't mind. All she could concentrate upon was the way Finn's mouth molded to hers, and clutching tightly at his soaked hair, not caring that he was drenching her clothes in the process. An hour earlier she was wondering if she was ever going to be able to do this again, now she wasn't going to take it lightly.

When they reluctantly broke away to breath, both of them were panting deeply and faces flushed with heat. Rachel looked deep into his eyes and only saw happiness, a such deep joy that she couldn't help it.

She cried.

"Oh, baby," Finn said, reading her emotions wrongly as he steered her over to the couch and put her back down upon it, cautious not to get too much water on the fabric now as he finally realized his own wet state. It didn't seem to bother him as he kneeled down beside her, his head leveled with hers despite the difference. He put out a hand and brushed a stray piece of hair behind her ear, a gesture so Finn that she couldn't help but to weep harder. "Baby, it's okay. I understand now, I'm not mad-"

"How are you not mad at me? Why don't you hate me?" Rachel asked incredulously, her chocolate eyes winning with water. "I lied to you, directly lied to you and used your love for me against you? How can you not wish me dead right now, how are you still able to stand here and not hate me?"

"I wasn't mad at you, Rach." The nickname that he hadn't called her since he found out the truth brought a happy ache to her throat, and she placed a dainty hand upon his larger one. "What I said was...rash, I guess? I never meant the words I said, I was just mad at myself." He looked down at the floor, looking ashamed. "You didn't tell me because you were afraid how I would react, and I let you down. I acted exactly the way you wanted to avoid.

"And there is no one else to blame but myself," Finn said as he looked back up at her, eyes flashing with his determined intent. "I should have understood earlier that it wasn't your fault, that you didn't choose this for yourself. I wish I could've changed how I reacted but I can't, this being the only way I can ever show you how truly I am sorry. How I let you down, how I-"

Rachel smiled, her face still wet from her tears and from Finn, and leaned over to capture his mouth in hers, silencing his attempts to apologize. It was a brief, but intense, kiss that both drew back from with love flashing in their eyes. "I love you, Finn, and you never could let me down. You acted as you deserved, I lied to you and there is no reason that I should have, I should've trusted you to understand."

"No, you had every right to think the way you did, and-" Finn smiled suddenly again, his crooked smile dancing upon his mandible. "We're not getting anywhere, are we, by just saying that the other was in the right?"

"No," Rachel laughed, wrapping her arms around his neck and burying herself into his wet shirt. She could feel the heat waving off of him and she signed contently, feeling as if the sun had suddenly dawned upon her instead of thunder shaking the house. She took a deep sniff, and pulled back, her insides dropping slightly as she recognized the smell. "You've been drinking?"

To her ultimate surprise, he smiled even wider, his eyes glinting mischievously. "Actually, I didn't take one sip. I was about to, but the sheriff caught me and tossed all the alcohol into the street. It would've been awesome if I totally wasn't ready to shit bricks." Finn laughed while Rachel could only watch in her horror, the cops found him _drinking_? "Anyway, he started talking about choices andstuff, kinda like those boring talks Mr. Schue always puts us through, but this one got me as he said I had two choices, the first being that he could take _me _to jail and face my parents."

Both winced at the wrath of Finn's mother and Burt that could only come of such a thing, but Rachel couldn't help herself and asked, "What was the second choice?"

"He offered me a job at the station!" Finn explained eagerly, his face a glow with light. "Sheriff Jahner said it would only be a glorified desk job, barely above job shadowing, but he said it would be great experience if I ever wanted to be a cop."

"That's great, Finn!" Rachel said, happy at his joy but confused with such potency he was feeling. "But..._but do you want to be a cop_?"

"No idea," answered Finn simply, making her even more befuddled. "But don't you see, Rach? What if I like the idea of becoming a cop? What if it's my thing? Maybe it will work for me, and Jahner said if I do well and want to become one, he could get me into an academy near here within a heart beat - SA Academy, or something! It would be hard work and take a little bit of time, but he said I could do it, Rach, he said I could become a cop!"

Rachel smiled at her boyfriend, playing with the curls that was beginning to bounce against his neck. The light in his eyes was so heart-wrenchingly beautiful, the same bright joy he had whenever he used to talk about a football scholarship, that she couldn't help but to believe him. He would become a great cop, she knew it, he would be the best of the best. "I know you, Finn. If you want to be a cop, if you set your heart to it, then you'll be the best and most handsome cop there ever was. Now, return to the beginning and tell me how you managed this all again. How does a cop, especially a sheriff, let you away so easily?"

"Well," said Finn with a smile, "I promised that I would buy him donuts the first day, and I think I'm like Jesus in his eyes now."

Rachel stared at him, then laughed and fell back onto the couch, her sides heaving with amusement. Finn glared mockingly, wondering why she was laughing so hard, but she couldn't answer. She finally was silenced, when he leaned over and placed his mouth on hers, losing her in everything that she thought was once lost.

**Hope you enjoyed! This may be a brief respite from the drama, but it's coming! Hold onto your seats, people, only a few more chapters to go! Please, tell me your opinions on the chapter and the story in all, I love reviews! Thanks, have a nice week! **

**_Vale_!**


	8. A Shower of Sparks

**Hello, I hope you enjoy! Thank you!**

08) Shower Of Sparks

"Finn's not here yet?"

Quinn entered Rachel's house, a plastic bag in her hand which she immediately placed onto a table before looking back at Rachel. She looked positively beautiful in a slim sundress that was a brilliant shade of blue, barely covering the tips of her brown shoes that peeked out. Her athletic form had not even taken a month to return after she stopped smoking, looking just as fine as she did when she wa sin sophomore year.

And Rachel was so _envious_. Her limbs felt heavy and sluggish, her breath coming in gasps at times when she stood for a period of time. Her usual lean and narrow face felt pudgy and she couldn't help to remember the times when she still had a layer of baby fat - it made her want to cringe. She felt fat, she couldn't help but to admit sadly, and watching Quinn glide across her living room floor with such ease and grace made it even more so.

Swallowing her emotions that she knew were being floored by her hormones, she nodded. "Yeah, he works at the station until five but he is coming straight here after work."

"I can't believe Finn works with the police," Quinn smiled with a shake of her head, sitting delicately onto the couch while Rachel fell into a chair. "It's just him being Puck's best friend and all, I don't see how that works out."

"Finn doesn't mind, he really likes it there for some reason," answered Rachel, a smile coming across her own face. "They probably see each other more this way, knowing how many times Puck gets in trouble with the authorities."

Quinn laughed, white teeth flashing. "You're probably right." She fell silent for a moment before remembering to the bag on the table and inclining her head towards it. "I brought some folic acid and other prenatal vitamins, they will help the babies. Prevent spins bifida or something like that, the ex-Mrs. Schuester always hounded me about them."

"Thank you, that was very kind of you," Rachel said, smiling warmly at Quinn. It was reassuring tok now that she had one friend who still stuck to her side besides Finn. He had been amazing since the day she told him and since he started to work at the police station about a month ago, but he couldn't be with her at all times of the day, and she needed the friendship at this time more than anything. Especially, since with what happened at glee club, none of them would even look at her. She had gotten so upset with their silence and anger that she couldn't even go anymore.

Finn tried, he really did try, to tell the club that it wasn't how it looked but how was he supposed to explain everything without telling Rachel's secret? He couldn't, Rachel knew, and she was too scared to tell them. She could still picture Finn and Quinn's reactions in her mind, the horror and gruesome disbelief that flashed across their faces. It still hurt to even think about that and she couldn't imagine the reactions upon her other friends' faces. Kurt's, Mercedes', Mr. Schue's? How would they be affected by the news, what would they think of her when they found out she was raped?

No, she wasn't ready to tell them and it was better that she'd just drop out of glee club. It wounded her deeply to do such a thing but she knew that they could win without her and that they were all incredible singers, even Sugar was getting better! She was so proud of her team, especially when they won Regionals without her help only a few weeks ago, but still wished that she could be with them when they went to Nationals in a month. Though, in her heart, she knew that they would win with or without her, she had complete faith in them.

"Rachel? Are you okay?" Quinn's voice snapped her out of her thoughts and she blushed, feeling chagrined at her own self.

"Sorry, it's becoming easier for me to get...distracted lately." Rachel sighed, brushing her hair out of her face with an impatient wave. "With the babies and all the hospital appointments, I have so many things on my mind. Not to mention what is going to happen next..."

"Have you guys made a decision on the babies? A-Are you going to put them up for adoption?" Quinn looked away, her face pained. "I hate how people say that, "put them up" like they were nothing more than cattle or something. Though, I guess, I really cannot say anything as I did it with Beth..."

"We haven't made a concrete conclusion on the subject, but Finn is pretty weighted on the idea of keeping the little ones." Rachel said, trying to talk between a lump in her throat. They never talked about it all, neither wanting to discuss what was going to happen once the babies were born. They were still trying to figure out what to do now and even that was difficult, especially with the bills that kept coming. Rachel knew Finn had some money stored up but was it going to be enough? She felt guilty for not ever having a job, always thinking that she would get a scholarship from NYADA then get the hell out of Lima and make the big bucks in New York, not having to care about the little expenses that would be nonexistent then...

NYADA. New York. It all seemed so far away now, that it would never be reachable. She always planned to be a star, to live her dream on Broadway and see her name in lights and tabloids. But how was she supposed to do that while finding a way to pay her way though college, pay rent, support two children and raise them like Finn wanted, and still be able to look for auditions and what not?

It seemed impossible to have both.

"What do you want?" Quinn suddenly asked, and Rachel gave her a quizzical glance.

"What do you mean by that?"

"You know what I mean, Rachel," Quinn said patiently, her eyes burrowing into her knowingly with an aquamarine drill. "What do you want to do with the twins?"

Rachel was silent, torn between what her heart wanted and what her mind wanted. In her head, she knew that they were most likely Jesse's children and she wasn't sure she could handle raising them knowing their father's crimes. What if they looked exactly like him, what if they became him? She knew that there was more than just genetics in the making of a personality, but seeing how close she resembled her own mother's life, she couldn't help but to feel wary.

But in her heart, in her wildest dreams and happiest feelings, they were Finn's. They would be perfect in every way possible, she knew it in her being, that they would be the most talented and loving children ever. Even better was the mental picture of Finn being a father, playing with the little boy and cherishing the little girl, tossing them up into the air with wide grins and merry giggles. God, Rachel hoped that they would have his laugh.

Yet doubt and reality prevented it from being anything more than that - _a dream_.

"I don't know, still undecided," Rachel lied, hoping that Quinn would not notice the light crack in her voice that made her words tremble. "It's a hard choice to make and I'm not sure I'll ever be ready to make it."

Another lie, she knew exactly when. The moment she turned her eyes on her newborn children, to see if they were Jesse's or Finn's.

"It's okay, Rachel, everything will be okay," Quinn said, leaning over and pressing a hand reassuringly to the top of Rachel's knee, the warmth comforting. "Trust me, I went through it and now look at me, I don't think I've ever been more proud of myself. I figured out that life was more than just how people think of you or your status in high school, because most of that doesn't matter. What matters is that your happy, that you know your doing everything you can to be a better person, and to have people in your life that actually care about you, not a false pretense like half the cheerleading team."

Quinn's eyes flashed playfully. "I think you already got that last one" -a knock at the door interrupted her and she smiled- "and here he is now."

Rachel smiled back at her, a bubble of happiness flickering inside of her as she realized that Quinn's words rang true. She already did have that last one, and she knew that she would have him forever. A prospect that she would never tire of thinking about.

With the aid of Quinn, she rose to her feet and hurried to the door, her eyes flashing across the clock but not taking in the time as it turned exactly five. She opened the door and flung it wide, her face beaming as she said, "Hi. Fi-"

Horror crashed down upon her, bringing the smell of dirt and the woods into her nostrils. The odor was so potent that she almost vomited but her body had went into complete shut-down mode as she stared into icy blue eyes, the color glittering with cruel intelligence and dark amusement. Memories of pain tearing into her inguinal region made her legs shake and vision flicker but she couldn't faint, she was forced to watch as the destroyer of her life stated down at her.

She finished her saying lamely, "Jesse."

"Hello, my little Rachel! You are looking quite beautiful," Jesse said, his tone unsettling as it was ripe with amusement. "May I come in?"

"N-"

"Splendid." He stepped around her, his gait comfortable and at perfect easy, appearing as if he owned the house and walked inside on a daily basis. It made her feel angry, hating the smugness that he showed as he removed his jacket and flung it on a chair. He moved his head around the living room casually, landing on Quinn eventually. "Oh, hello, Fabray. I thought I smelt smoke while I was walking up the drive."

Quinn looked the perfect state of confused and shocked, flashing to Rachel the instance she entered the room. "What is he doing here, Rachel? I thought we were just going to watch movies, you know, only _us three_." Her eyes narrowed slightly. "Like you, me, and Finn. Why is _he_ even here?"

Rachel couldn't speak, her body feeling numb as she stared at the young man in her room. He hadn't even raised an eyebrow or looked offended as Quinn obviously showed her opinion of him in her voice and words, actually, he only grinned wider.

Jesse winked at Rachel with a quick nod of his head before tuning back to Quinn. "Do not yell at her, Fabray, she didn't know I was coming today. It's just that I heard something today that made me a little curious." His blue eyes turned to Rachel. "That you're pregnant."

Rachel's legs trembled under her, threatening to make her faint, but the wall was suddenly behind her. She put her hands on it for support, trying to appear calm and nonchalant but her heart was in her throat and a headache was beginning behind her eyes. It wasn't his presence that was bothering her but the look in his eyes and the smirk on his face, the almost ravenous curl to it. He knew just as well as she did of whom the father was, and it brought a flash of nausea to her mouth.

"Hey! Sorry, I'm late, but I had..."The front door opened and Finn stepped in, beaming as he walked in while untucking his blue polo from his khakis. Usually she couldn't help to admire him in the somewhat professional attire, but now all she could do was gap at his facial expression that changed into utter confusion at the sight of Jesse. What he was about to say drifted off and he glanced at Rachel questioningly before flashing back to Jesse, a growl to his voice. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Hello to you, Finn, it's so nice to see that you have mastered the basics of greetings," Jesse remarked sarcastically, his grin too superior. He made a point of looking Finn up and down. "You look quite good, like a kid playing dress-up. You should feel so proud of yourself."

"What are you doing here, St. James?" Finn repeated, coming to stand beside Rachel and put a hand into hers, squeezing reassuringly. The gesture was so Finn, so obtuse to the truth, that Rachel felt like crying but she continued to stare on in a state of concussion and dread. She didn't want to even think about what was going to happen next, the thoughts too difficult to even comprehend. "I thought you moved to New York."

"Oh, I did, for a little while anyway," said Jesse brightly, "but I found it too voluminous and broad-minded for my _specific_ artistic abilities, something you would never be able to understand." Finn's hand tightened as he glared at Jesse, who knocked his head with a smile. "A cop, huh? Kinda already done, no? High School star turned into fat and sweaty cop, definitely already been used."

"I swear, St. James, tell me what you came here for or I'll kick your ass!"

Jesse turned to Rachel with the same grin, looking very pleased and proud of her. It made her sick. "You haven't told him? Well, I'm glad that you still have some sense in your head even with all those hormones."

"Told me what?" Finn looked down at Rachel, his cinnamon eyes scrunched together as he appeared confused. There was a certain hurt in them, a pain brought on by once again being kept in the dark. She hated the look, she hated Jesse, she hated it all. "What is he talking about, Rach?"

Rachel wanted to run and scream, to escape the hell that was about to be brought. This was it, she realized as three pair of eyes were all looking at her, this was the climax. She knew it would have to come eventually, that it wouldn't be able to kept down forever, but, damn, she wished she had more time. More time to think of some explanation, some way to make it easy. All she could do was open her mouth and say:

"Jesse raped me."

Finn looked like he was punched, his face turning so pale that Rachel feared he would faint. A cry of surprise was heard on the couch and Rachel saw out of her peripheral that Quinn was crying, edging as far away from Jesse while looking in horror. The silence was palpable in the room as her words sunk into each of them, the truth finally out.

Rachel wasn't sure how she would feel once she exposed the secret. Relief? Satisfaction? It was neither of those as red-hot fury enveloped her. Here was the man who ruined everything for her, here was the guy that made everything good she had start to crumble, he was the one who almost made her commit suicide. Her life was perfectly normal until he destroyed, until he made it all burn away.

And what was worse was the smug look on his face as he continued to look at her, never flickering.

"You son of a bitch!" Rachel yelled, her rage being fueled by the hormones flowing through her system as she hurled herself at him. She wanted him to suffer, to feel the agony and torment that he put her through. A red haze filled her living room as she approached him, ready to do whatever it took.

A hand surprisingly fell on her shoulder and held her back, a gentle squeeze that made her glance back. Finn looked torn; revulsion, anger, and sadness alternating between his expression, before it was all cleared by calmness. He shook his head as their eyes meet, and said, "Don't, Rachel, it's not worth it."

Rachel was appalled at her boyfriend, unbelieving of how he was reacting. Where was the kicking of chairs, where was the scream and flailing of fists. Where was the revenge, the retribution? She couldn't make any sense of it. "_What do you mean_? Did you not hear what I just said? He raped me!"

"I heard you," Finn said quietly and reached out to bring her in close, her head held tight against his chest. She could feel him shaking, and the way he held onto her showed how he was truly feeling; a dam ready to break. "I heard you..."

He lifted his head and glared at Jesse, his jaw clenching with control. "And I'm guessing you're only here because you know that there is no proof, no legal evidence that could classify you as the rapist."

"Finn, Finn, Finn," Jesse shook his head, that damn grin never leaving his face. "You keep saying rape as if it was true, but that wasn't what happened. Rachel wanted it as much as I did, isn't that true?"

Rachel felt her face blush with indignant rage, the need to hit him growing with every word. She usually abhorred fighting but there was anything else she wanted to do more than to kill Jesse St. James. "That is a lie, you bastard!"

"Oh, really?" Jesse raised an eyebrow, his grin vanishing to be replaced by a look of mock surprise. "Now, Rachel, you can't think that you can blame everything upon me? It's certainly not my fault that you wanted to get into NYADA so badly that you would sleep with me."

"What!" Rachel froze, completely stunned as a horrible realization struck her. "You're making this up! I didn't sleep with you, I didn't-"

"Really now, Rachel, there is no point in hiding the truth," said Jesse. "You tried to keep it hush-hush and this is what happens, you get pregnant. And, if I remember correctly, you were in such a state of need when you found out that I could make NYADA happen for you that we didn't wear protection." He looked around at Quinn and Finn. "So, now you can see why I intervened upon here today. To make sure that if they are my children that they are raised correctly and intelligently, not like a dumb-headed jock." The last word were thrown with a glare towards Finn, who hadn't said a word.

Rachel looked up at him, noting his eyes flashing with thoughts as he tried to connect them altogether. He couldn't believe what Jesse was saying, he couldn't think that anything that ass was saying was true. She put her hand back into his, making his gaze shift to her. Everything she felt for Finn, every feeling that made her want to be with him, every truth and love that she experienced, came to her as she said softly, "He is lying, Finn, don't believe him."

Finn closed his eyes, breathing hard while his expression changed with doubt and he shifted slightly away from her. It was then she finally noticed that his other hand, the one she hadn't grabbed, was clenched closed with the sides of a small box peeking out from his large fingers. She barely had time to think about what it was when Finn suddenly turned to Jesse. "Get out."

Jesse laughed, a dark smirk on his arrogant face. "Oh, I will but not before I tell you that I will fight. If those babies even have a drop of St. James' blood in them, I will not give up until they are under my custody. No matter the cost or how many lawyers, I will get them." He raised his nose at Finn, looking all that superior. "And trust me, once they compare me to you, Hudson, I know who they would rather have in charge of the raising.

"I better go, don't want to wear out my welcome," Jesse said brightly, scooping up his jacket. He winked at Quinn, who looked out of place and small. "It was really nice to see you again, all of you. I hope we make a habit of it." Then he was gone as fast as he came, leaving Rachel to stare hollowly at the floor while she reflected upon everything that happened. His words echoing horribly inside of her mind with Finn's shocked expression dominating before her.

Quinn's getting-up awoke her from being totally absorbed, and she panicked. What would she think? Would she believe Jesse's lies? Would Quinn leave too, like the all the others, and think that she screwed up. Rachel instantly sought her friend's eyes. "Quinn..." There was a layer of whining and begging in that single name, pleading that Quinn would understand.

Quinn paused by Rachel and reached out a hand, brushing her fingertips against her face. Her pretty face was determined and warm, lighting Rachel with relief. "I believe you, Rachel. I seen the agony, I seen the choices you were forced to make, and the actions you did. I believe you, and I'll be here for you if you ever need me. Always. But-" her eyes flashed to Finn for a second "-I think I should leave you two alone, there is something that Finn wanted to ask to you."

Rachel was confused, the day's odd events making her tired and her head to ache. Not to mention the dread and coldness she felt whenever Jesse's words came back to haunt her.

_No matter the cost or how many lawyers, I will get them._

She shivered, trying to push it away as she focused on Finn who still looked uneasy. "What is she talking about? Ask me what?"

Finn let go of her hand to rub his neck, hiding his other hand behind his back as he threw an exasperated glance at Quinn. She only smiled slightly, though it vanished quick enough as she walked away with a wave. Rachel couldn't blame her for wanting to leave, especially since the tension, now somewhat awkward, was rising as the two were still unable to meet each other in the eyes, both not wanting to face the issues at hand.

When was everything going to stop, Rachel thought sadly, when did all the bad things end and there would only be calmness?

The door closed with a light snap as Quinn left, leaving only Rachel alone with Finn and the thick tension. Neither wanted to make the first move, but Rachel eventually took a step back from Finn, hands clasping and unclasping uncertainly as she looked down at the floor. "You do believe me...right?"

He was silent for a long moment, then she felt a hand gently lift her head upward, his finger under her chin. There was a bright gleam in his eyes, a profound gaze of trust and love. Rachel felt herself lighten at the gesture, his words even bringing a small smile of happiness to her face.

"I love you, Rach. I think I have been in love with you ever since I heard you sing, or maybe when I saw glimpses of you in the hallways in freshman year. There is something about you, your drive, your inspirations, your loyalty, that always makes me come back to you, even when I want to hate you."

Rachel blushed, remembering vividly of her stupid actions the year before. Finn, however, kept his gaze constant and never wavered in his tone, reflecting his belief in his words. "I love you, I love yous o much that at times it's almost scary. I trust you, Rach, because if I can't trust the person I love the most in the world, then I don't know."

"So, you believe me?" Rachel asked hopefully, desperate and happy tears coming to her eyes as her heart soared, never feeling better than knowing that Finn trusted her and she had his support. Jesse's words didn't seem as oppressive before, especially when Finn answered.

"Of course," he said with a small smile, falling to his knees as he raised his other hand to her; a small box lay on his large palm. "I wouldn't ask a girl to marry me if I couldn't believe her words."

He opened the box and a gleaming ring flashed in the light of a lamp, a beacon of Finn's love to her. She put her hand to her mouth, a rush of emotions swallowing her as Finn looked uncertain, almost scared and the ring shook.

"Rachel Berry, will you marry me?"

**Yay for eventful chapter? Hope you guys enjoyed and have a nice weekend! **

**Until next time, bye!  
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	9. A Proposal of Sorts

**Salve! Sorry about the lateness of this chapter but it's been a huge week and so many of my coworkers are getting sick, but I hope you guys will still enjoy! And, if you would do me the honor, please review! Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee/Fox/Ryan Murphy Productions  
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09) The Proposal of Sorts

When Finn thought of telling Rachel to marry him, there was a couple different scenarios that ran through his head. There was the one that he hoped for, the one where she would scream happily, jump into his arms, and seal it all with a kiss of passion; he really hoped it would have been that one. Then there was the one he did not want, where Rachel would stare at him in disbelief and say no, not in a million years would she ever marry him. He knew that the latter seemed unlikely, but he could not help to feel that twinge of uncertainty when the idea first popped into his head.

He was not exactly sure when he finally began to form the idea, maybe after seeing Mr. Schuester's proposal to Miss Pillsbury? The first time he ever saw the beautiful Rachel Berry? He didn't know but it crept inside of his head and it wouldn't detach itself, the idea growing and growing until it was all that he could think about. It was an obsession, but the good kind that actually made him smile goofy whenever he thought that she actually might say yes.

It actually drove him to go and seek Quinn's opinion, something that seemed odd considering their past. Finn feared that she would freak or get mad, or _something_, but instead she actually smiled the brightest he had ever seen on her and said, "Well, it's about time, Finn Hudson. I can't believe it didn't take you sooner to ask the question. If you want my say, I don't think she'll have the ability to say no to you."

With Quinn's approval and his determination, he could not help but to go and buy a ring, something that also made him need Quinn's assistance. What the hell did he know about wedding rings? They searched for awhile until Finn found what he hoped would be the right one, a pretty piece with a diamond shaped into the figure of a star. It was beautiful and perfect for Rachel, and he couldn't help but to feel excited about Rachel's reaction. To see her smile, to feel the happiness actually radiating off of her, he couldn't wait.

Of course, he didn't expect to learn that the person who raped her was Jesse St. James, the fucking prick of the universe. His hands itched to turn into fists and punch the smug-ass look off his face, to feel his jaw break and nose crunch under his blows. To make sure that every ounce of pain and humiliation Rachel felt was done twice as hard to him, wanting to end the life that almost took her away from Finn. He wanted to do it, hell, he fucking felt like he _needed_ to do it, but something kept him back.

Maybe it was knowing that there was no evidence against St. James, that legally he wasn't able to do anything, and he would only make matters worse by beating him until there was nothing left...Even if it did make him feel better and relieve the need to kill something. Or was it the expression on Rachel's face, that look of pure horror and fear that enveloped her whole persona before he walked through that door and she saw him. She was scared of Jesse, he had realized, but the moment she saw Finn, it was gone. Soon, to be replaced by an anger that he recognized grimly.

It was the same reaction he had whenever he lost himself to his emotions, to allow that need to consume him. It may have felt good at the time to satisfy that want, but it always left him sad, lonely, and hurting. It wasn't the smart way to react, nor the mature thing to do, and it always made him feel like a child that was in the wrong, the one who lashed out because he wasn't able to do anything else. He didn't want Rachel to feel that way, to feel so hopeless that she wasn't able to do anything else than to fight.

That was his way, not Rachel's, and she shouldn't be brought to such a level.

Finn, trying not to hide his disappointment at Rachel's reaction, rose from the floor and cautiously approached her. "Rach, please, don't cry. If you don't want to, just say no-"

"It's not that," Rachel whimpered, brushing her eyes furiously with her hands to take away the tears but only more came despite her attempts. "It's not that at all, it's just...just..._why now_?"

"Why now what?" asked Finn, confused as he put a hand on her shoulder and felt her shaking slightly. He wanted to pull her into his arms and hold her tight, to make all the hardships go away, but he felt suddenly awkward, that a line had been crossed.

And fuck, did he hate it.

"Why now!" Rachel repeated, turning and beating the cushions of the couch with her fists, knocking his hand away. "Why did he have to ruin everything, why did he have to do it this day of all days. I'm supposed to be happy, ecstatic, speechless-" Finn raised his eyebrows, slightly unbelieving of that "-but instead I want to hit someone. It's not fair!"

"You're right, it's not-"

"And, you!" Rachel suddenly looked at him, making him flinch at the sudden anger in her voice. Tears were shining with rage as she continued. "Why didn't you do anything, why did you just stand there and let him go! You're supposed to have done something, you were supposed to have protected me."

"I was, babe, I was," Finn muttered softly, trying not to feel that same guilt he felt before. "I stopped you from making matters worse."

Rachel turned away, still looking angry but her emotions seemed to deflate against him. "Matters worse, is that even possible?" She shook her head dejectedly, looking pale compared to the redness of her eyes. "How can things get worse, Finn? We both are trying to scramble to keep our lives together, our friends won't even look at me without a snarl, I'm pregnant, and now Jesse, who practically came right out and said he raped me, is trying to take the children away.

"I won't let him, Finn." Rachel swore, her eyes flashing to him in an instant, determination flaring proudly in her bright gaze. "I won't let him ruin anything else, I won't let him take this away from us. Not our babies, not our children."

Finn sighed sadly, his heart missing a pang as he felt a rush of disappointment hit him. Before he could contain himself, he muttered, "Your children, Rach, not mine-"

"No!" She yelled, the word unnaturally loud in the silent house. Rachel pulled him down to her as she clasped his hands in her's and held as tightly as she could, not allowing him to pull him back as their gazes meet. Her eyes were as set as stone, a fierceness that made his heart leap slightly. "They are your children. Blood isn't everything, Finn. Who your father is, that's not important. You may think that just because your father made a mistake that you'll do too, but you're wrong. Christopher Hudson may have given you life but he didn't force one upon you; it's your life to choose. Tell me, Finn, who do you respect most as a father figure, who guided you when you need to, who comforted you when you were sad?"

Finn didn't even need to think as he instantly said, "Mr. Schuester."

"Exactly, Mr. Schuester." Rachel smiled, the gesture warm as realization dawned on Finn. "And he isn't your father, yet you regard him as highly. Our children will think the same, they will love you as much as I do, because you'll be there when you need them, because you will be their father."

Rachel was right, Finn thought to himself as he pulled her into a hug, bringing in the smell of her perfume and hair as he buried his face in the soft expanse of her neck. He loved those children, he wanted to be with them as much as he wanted to be with Rachel. It was another reason why he asked her to marry him, so that they could be together forever and have nothing tear them a part.

Finn pulled back, feeling his reluctance reflected in the slight hesitance Rachel had before letting go of his neck. Her eyes were shining with tears, but there was an empty and wary depth to them that still expressed her fears, her pain. He didn't want to see that look, he wanted her to be happy and smiling, love and warmth glowing in those chocolates eyes. Nothing he really could say would do much good, he learned that awhile back, but actions spoke hundreds of words - or something like that.

He smiled at her, and she knocked her head a little, a small laugh escaping her as she asked. "Are you okay, Finn? Why are you smiling like that?"

"I haven't done this much, but I'm sure you have to be standing when I do this," Finn explained, going on one knee as Rachel's eyes widened with realization. She paused for a moment, then her whole form exploded into a radiance of happiness as she stood and smiled, trifle of giggles coming out now.

"Okay, you may ask now," laughed Rachel, almost shaking as she clasped her hands right to her ever-growing belly. Who were growing under her hands, their children, drew away the slight fears that Finn had at her hesitation and made him feel more driven to do this.

"Well, Rachel Berry," Finn started, unable to keep the crooked smile off his face or the seriousness in his voice as his emotions swamped him, making his tone crack at almost ever word, "I love you, I love those kids, and I want to be with you. I'm not sure how our life is going to happen, I don't know what will become of us, but I know that I will do everything I can to be a good husband and an awesome father. I'll do my best to do our family good.

"So, if you would like, would...would you do me the honor of being my wife?"

Rachel looked into his eyes for a moment, love and affection passing between them, before she held out one of her hands and said with a slight hiccup. "Only if you would do me the honor of being your husband. Yes, I'll marry you!"

Finn laughed, teeth flashing, and placed the piece of jewelry upon his fiance's finger, the sight making his heart beat quickly and head swim with all the possibilities that the sight meant. He immediately got to his feet, wrapping Rachel in his arms and bringing her close to him, mouth dropping down to claim her's in his. They meet, the feelings erupting to greater potency in him, the kiss deepening and he felt themselves drift to the couch, her body atop of his.

The front door shut with a loud snap.

Rachel practically flew from him, left hand flying to her mouth as she turned to face her two dads, Hiram and Leroy Berry, both of whom were looking between embarrassment and anger as they took in Finn and their daughter. The instant she made the gesture, she immediately dropped her hand and held it in her other behind her back; a sheepish smile coming across her face. "Daddies! I didn't think you would be home so soon!"

Hiram walked slowly to his daughter, an odd expression on his face, while Leroy looked angry and his eyes immediately sought Finn. "What do you think you are doing to our daughter, and on _my exquisite, leather-surfaced couch-_"

"Show me your hand, Rachel." Hiram asked of his daughter, completely ignoring his husband who looked taken back at Hiram's lack of anger. Finn's heart dropped, a small feeling of dread making his throat constrict and palms sweat.

By Rachel's expression, she surely felt the same as she faked confusion. "Daddy, I-I don't see why that is important. We'll just leave-"

"Rachel. Your hand." Hiram stated firmly and Rachel allowed it, slowly revealing her left hand and the ring that blazed upon her finger. She suddenly straightened, her gaze rapt as her fathers looked at the ring with a mixture of horror and disbelief. It took him a moment before finally looking up. "Baby, you can't be serious."

"I have never been more serious in my life than anything else," Rachel said, surprising the men in the room, even Finn. Her enthusiasm and determination was evident, making Finn smile even when Leroy was glaring at him openly now. "I love Finn, you know that."

"And he also was the one to hurt you so much last year, you barely spoke for weeks!"

"Because I was devastated! I didn't want it to end, I still loved him and knowing that some of it was my fault made it even worse," Rachel returned, holding out her right hand for Finn to take and he did, getting off the couch warily while watching Leroy. He remained silent, knowing that he would only make matters worse if he didn't and also because he was slightly scared by the two fathers before him. "But we came back together, because our love was too strong to be apart. We didn't make the choice lightly."

Hiram sighed angrily and snapped, "Was it out of love or is it because you're _pregnant_?"

Rachel flinched, Finn dropped his jaw in surprise, and silence dominated the small room. Leroy looked suddenly disappointment, almost sad, as he stood by his husband and put a reassuring hand on his arm. Hiram closed his eyes, let out another breath, and opened them again. Sadness obvious in his gaze. "How long did you think you could keep this away from your own parents?"

"I-I," Rachel stuttered, looking completely unable to speak as she practically leaned against Finn for support. He decided that he couldn't stay silent anymore, he had to say something.

He just prayed that it wasn't going to blow up in his face...Did the Berrys own a gun? He hoped not.

"Sir-Sirs," Finn started, feeling his face flush as two narrowing pair of eyes flashed upon him, making him suddenly uncomfortable and hot. He swallowed to try and remove the lump that abruptly appeared in his throat. "I know you probably don't want to hear this from me-"

"Damn right," Leroy grumbled but allowed him to continue.

"But I just want you to know that I love your daughter, it's almost scary how much I do. I won't lie, I admit I made mistakes. A lot of them." Finn screamed at himself to shut up, the men's gazes hardening. "But this isn't one of them, this is the first choice I made in a long time that I really thought about. It didn't come easy to me, it wasn't something that I decided in the moment I learned she was pregnant...I decided it the first time that I saw her."

Rachel was silent in his arms, but he knew that she was listening to every word. Her parents were silent, but the edge to their eyes lightened. Slightly. "I didn't realize it then but I have been trapped by her ever since I saw her once in a hallway, she looked positively beautiful and I didn't know it, but I think I began to love her. The next year, fate and Glee brought us together and now here we are."

He shifted his head to Rachel who looked up at the same time, tears in her eyes as she lifted her left hand and placed it gently against his cheek; the ring unnaturally warm against his skin, but seemed right somehow. She smiled. "I entranced you, Finn, not trapped you."

"No, babe, there is just something that trapped me," Finn said, tightening his arm around her waist. "Even when I wasn't with you, you were constantly on mind. The only person that I thought of. I love you."

"I love you, Finn," Rachel smiled back, the two lovers beaming into the other's eyes while the two men stood back, forgotten. It took Hiram clearing his throat to break the connection, something that was done reluctantly. There was anger in his eyes, and Finn had to gulp, wondering if he only made things worse.

"Damn it. Damn it!" Hiram swore, before sighing defeated. "_You two are serious_."

Leroy looked at Hiram in shock and surprise, clearly not expecting that while Finn could only feel relief and elation soar through him. "Honey, you can't be saying that you approve of this! They're only kids, they have no idea-"

"Look into our daughter's eyes and Finn's," Hiram interrupted again, a small smile upon his face. There was a blaze of determination to his eyes that strongly reminded Finn of Rachel, his faith in his own thoughts that he believed in so strongly. "It's the same look you give me, the same that I give you. They are in love, Leroy, and they may be young, but they are certainly not kids."

Leroy looked like he was about to argue, but he slumped down and recognized his own defeat. He turned to Rachel and, with tears in his eyes, held out his arms, "Why couldn't you have stayed my little girl forever?"

Rachel left Finn's side and ran to embrace her father, tears streaming down her own cheeks. "Oh, I'll always be your little girl." Hiram stepped in and they all surrounded each other in a hug.

Finn stood back and watched awkwardly, knowing that this was a personal moment with the family. He was just relieved that Rachel's dads weren't going to chase him out with a shotgun; that would certainly dampen spirits a bit. Though, he couldn't keep the smile off his face. The bond between Rachel and her parents made Finn want that sort of love and compassion, a connection that seemed to be unbreakable. A bond he hoped to have with his own children someday.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Hiram said softly, interrupting Finn's thoughts. "That you were pregnant, I mean. We may have been disappointed but you have no idea how much it hurt to find out b yourselves, and not you."

"I'm so sorry, I was scared," Rachel wept, her head upon her father's shoulder. "I was so scared that you would throw me out, or...or-"

"It's okay, our little star," Leroy said, brushing the hair out of his daughter's face in a loving, fatherly gesture. "Everything is going to be okay, don't cry. Please, don't cry. I don't think I can take it anymore."

"Okay," Rachel laughed shakily and took a step back to reunite herself to Finn's side, a small break happening in that step. A break of a bond that held for eighteen long years as she took the step from being her fathers' little girl to being a woman, a lady that can make her own decisions. It was known by all in the house, and there was a mix of sadness and happiness upon Hiram and Leroy's faces. Rachel smiled slightly. "No more tears."

Hiram took a deep breath, then faced Finn. His eyes were slightly red but there was a level of respect in them that Finn couldn't help but to feel relieved at. "I wish you had come to ask our permission first but I understand that we wouldn't be as willing to let our daughter to go. " He held out his hand to Finn. "Welcome to the family, Finn."

Beaming, Finn took it and shook it friendly. "Thank you, you have an amazing daughter."

"Oh, we now," said Leroy with a flourish of pride, then narrowed his eyes threateningly at Finn. "And you better take good care of her, or else..."

Finn blanked, fully understanding where Rachel got her dramatic side from now.

Hiram smiled at his husband before looking back at Finn. "So, how did your parents take it?"

Finn blinked.

Oh. Fuck.

_Burt._

**Hope you enjoyed! Please review, you guys make my week! **

**Until next time, Valete!  
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	10. Catalyst

**Whew! Another busy week done and just hundreds more to come, but let's get to the chapter! Hope you enjoy and if you would be so kind as to review, that would be awesome! Enjoy!**

**By the way, Rachel is about 8 months pregnant at this time.  
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10) Catalyst

The ring felt heavy upon her finger, a weight that she was always conscious of no matter how many times she tried to ignore it and act normally. But things were not normal. She was pregnant; her kids' father still unknown if he was Finn or Jesse, her rapist; she was getting married; and she wasn't in Glee anymore. Things seemed like a twirl of positive and negative, and she was panicking to find stability.

Truth be told, Rachel Berry was scared, and she had no idea what was going to happen. There always used to be a certainty of her future, that decisiveness that made her exert herself to be the most astounding woman that she could ever be, to not fear opposition from those that may hold her down, but now...She could barely think of anything else but of her uncertainty and the unquenchable feeling that everything was going to go wrong; that ever since her rape it had all been going downhill, and multiplying with each step.

Finn's proposal changed that, it made all of her fears, for a moment, disappear. The feeling of joy, so great and positive, filled her like it used to, that drive that made her songs so epic, as Finn always put it. It made a feeling erupt in people's chests, that they were touched by just a little bit of that joy and warmth. That brief moment made people want more, to be better than they were and to achieve something.

For Rachel, that old insight brought with her a rush of her old life and the need to have things back to normal; to finally have things work out and be prosperous.

But a part of her knew that was never going to happen, that fate was taking her on a road that seemed impossible to veer off of. Though, she thought to herself as she slid her binder back into her red locker and grabbed her keys, she at least had Finn. He was always there whenever she needed him the most, when she needed his arms to be around her and holding her protectively. Of course, Finn couldn't be there all the time, like at night or when she closed her eyes and saw the eyes of _The Girl_ staring back at her wickedly.

She had never left her, gliding along her like a ghost and popping into sight whenever She pleased. Rachel couldn't even close her eyes to hide away from it all, She being there to greet her with a sinister grin and the words, _Your still as dirty as I am, Rachel, still as stained..._

Rachel slammed her locker door shut and fought against the wearisome tears that were so easy to collect in her eyes; she wiped them away instantly. There were only a couple of more weeks left of school until graduation, but that meant nothing to the Hockey Heads or Cheerios who prowled the halls, striking at anything that was susceptible to their taunts and slushies. And ever since the incident with the two popular kids, all eyes have been trained upon her, just waiting for the chance to get their revenge.

She looked up and meet the bright eyes of Mercedes, who was chatting with Tina and Mike. The other girl was smiling widely but seeing Rachel look back at her, it fell. They stared at each other for a moment, Rachel begging non-verbally for Mercedes to say anything - even negatory - as the silent treatment was torture. Mercedes only glared back before she finally looked away and motioned for the other two to leave, completely unaware of the girl breaking behind them.

Rachel wanted to run after them and scream, yell furiously at them for being insensitive, heinous, ignorant - no, she sighed to herself as she let her rage drop away to be swallowed up by regret and despair. It wasn't their fault that they didn't know about the truth, the secret that Rachel kept tighter to herself than anything else. All they knew was that the children inside of her might not be Finn's and that she cheated with someone, despite Finn's claims that it was all untrue. They didn't believe him, thinking that it was just another way of her manipulating the easy-going boy.

She wanted to argue that she would never do such a thing, especially to Finn, but she realized shallowly that she did. Toying with his love, she tried to make him think that the children were his.

And look how well that turned out, Rachel sighed and then headed towards her car. She usually waited for Finn but with his new job at the station he had to leave right after school and she also had to prepare for her next NYADA audition which was only a day away. There was no doubt that she was happy for him, finally having something that he could stick to, but she was slightly disappointed that they didn't have as much time together as they used. She remembered when they both had all the time in the world to just sit back on a blanket in the park and stare at the clouds go by until their hormones took over and they ended up in each other's arms. Now, that time was only a happy memory that she wasn't sure she would ever get back, where they would get that child-like innocent back...

"Hey, Rachel!"

Rachel blinked and turned around, a ripple of fear and nerves spreading throughout her body as she recognized the voice. A voice that taunted her in her nightmares and even in her wake, plaguing her like a dismal cloud. Her legs felt weak but she forced herself to stand up straight and meet the owner straight in the eye.

"Jesse. What do you want?"

Jesse was strolling casually towards her, an amiable smile on his face while his hands were in his jeans. There was an arrogant stride to his step that made Rachel feel that anger again, but she kept herself focused and in control. She couldn't allow Jesse the satisfaction or evidence that she may not be a fit mother, a person considered well enough to have the task of raising children.

"To see you and how you are doing, of course!" Jesse exclaimed loudly as if surprised, but Rachel could read past the act easily. It wasn't real, it was only that - an act.

"I don't think that is really any of your concern anymore," Rachel said, trying to keep her voice civil and without the snap that threatened to come out. "Not after what you did."

"Rachel, we both know that you wanted that to happen as much as I did." Jesse said, shaking his head in mock disapproval. "I saw it in your eyes, the way you begged to be with me. I saw it last year when I tried to help you and the bunch of losers that dance around in your shadow. The need for love, the need to be with someone intellectual and great, a man, not a child."

"If you're talking about Finn, he'll be more of a man than you'll ever come close to!" Rachel retorted furiously, hands clenching into fists. Her control was slowly slipping away as he stared ever on with that mocking, wide grin and arrogant expression. "And don't you dare speak to my friends like that! You'll never be able to understand their talent!"

"Talent? You call those pig-wallowers talented?" Jesse laughed, perfect teeth flashing. "My word, Rachel, you really have that much faith in them? Pah!" He ran a hand through his hair, a gesture that used to make her melt with the charm, but now she only saw the arrogance and pride he had in his own self. "And how can you even call them friends, they barely even speak to you anymore."

"It's because I - Wait," Rachel hesitated, eyes narrowing at him suspiciously while taking one defensive step back. They were in the parking lot of McKinley High and groups of students were around, all hanging out with their friends before going to work or home, but she couldn't help but to feel wary of the man that raped her, that stole everything from her. "How did you know about that?"

"From the same person that told me you were pregnant, a good friend of mine." He smiled again. "Can you guess who?"

Rachel's mind flashed through all her friends but she knew that they would never go and tell Jesse; most of them hated him as much as she did now. Every option that appeared seemed less and less likely, not thinking any student really had a connection with Jesse...no, not a student but a_ teacher_.

"You're still talking with my mom?" Rachel demanded, furious at Shelby. How dare she go blabbing to the world about her situation, about something that doesn't even concern her at all.

"Aiding me to get all those national titles under my belt really helped the student-teacher relationship," said Jesse proudly. "I was talking to her to other day about just my latest success with NYADA when she, by chance, just started taking about you of all people. You could have imagined my surprise when I found out that you were pregnant with my child!"

"Children," Rachel rectified with a growl, "and they're not yours, Finn is the father."

"That oaf? A father, you can't be serious!" Jesse raised his eyebrows, looking nonplussed by the idea. "I'm surprised he knows how to put his pants on the right way, how could he ever be the father? That is one thing I';; never understood about you, Rachel, why you liked Finn Hudson. He is just another perverted, hormonal, teenage boy that always wanted to get into your pants. What does he know of love, of raising a family - I mean, look at his dysfunctional household! Do you want him raising children?"

"Yes, Jesse, I really do!" Rachel said furiously, and flung her left hand in his face. "And I love him too! I am going to marry Finn and we are going to raise our children together, and all you're ever going to be is a dark memory."

Jesse's smile finally faded, his face blanking as he stared at the ring. Rachel smiled victoriously in return. "Also, Jesse, what do you think a court will do? In terms of non-married woman being pregnant, the children usually always go to the girl. And once they see that Finn is working at the station, we're going to get married, and the testimonies of a good friend, you'll have nothing to help you win this case."

The young man glared now at her, eyes flashing with promising intent. Rachel suddenly felt her bravado disappear as she took another step back, the realization that the parking lot was pretty much empty now striking her hard in the stomach. The fear of that terrible morning enveloped her again, making her feel numb and empty, an ache riveting inside of her stomach as she slowly walked back fearfully while Jesse approached a little bit closer, his hands rising to...

"Berry!" A piercing shout rang through the air, forcing Rachel and Jesse to look over to see Santana come bounding forward. The Latino was wearing her red Cheerios jacket over her uniform and staring openly at Jesse. "St. Jackass, what are you doing here? I didn't think there was a national convention of douches with dumb hair in town."

Jesse didn't respond to her, only flashed back to Rachel. "I swear, Rachel, you are going to wish you never put that ring in your finger. I promise!" The hiss was only a whisper that Rachel alone could hear, his ominous tones sending shivers down her spine and making her feel cold in the warming spring weather. Then he was gone, strutting furiously back to his vehicle and leaving Rachel alone with a judging Santana looking down upon her.

"What the hell was that all about?" Santana demanded, raising an eyebrow at Rachel. "What did that ass want?"

"N-nothing! I mean, it's nothing," Rachel stammered, unable to ignore the horrible horror that came with Jesse's promise. It made her shiver, ripples that speared down her back and throughout the rest of her limbs. "I'm fine."

"No, you're not," Santana said, crossing her arms coolly. "You're more of a mess than Charlie Sheen on fifty pills of Viagra. I saw and heard everything, Rachel...everything. Even what you said about us, your supposed friends."

Rachel blushed, trying to read the look in the other girl's eyes but it was blank of anything except Santana's usual glare; a stare that read too much and saw it all. "Despite what you think, Santana, you guys are still my friends-"

"Why, Rachel?" There was a sad tone in her voice as she asked the question, almost shameful that surprised Rachel. "We have been awful to you, how can you still call us friends?"

"Because...because I can't lose anything else in the world," Rachel blurted, feeling the rush of tears come to her eyes. "Because lately everything is falling apart and what I need most right now is stability. Glee club is the only thing I have except my parents and Finn, I don't have anything else in my life. If I lost you guys too, I-I don't know what I would do. You have no idea how much it hurts to have the very people you call friends hate you, hate you for something that you couldn't even prevent-"

Rachel blanked while Santana's eyes widened slightly and grabbed Rachel's arm. "What do you mean by that?" Rachel didn't respond, trying to shake out of her grasp but she held tightly to her.

"Berry! What do you mean, what happened? Does it have to do with Jesse...I heard what he said about children, about your child-"

Santana suddenly swallowed the rest of her words and paled terribly, a broken example of her usual strong self. "Did...did you have sex with Jesse?" Rachel didn't respond, only shaking her head and begging to herself that Santana would drop it all and never bring it up again. "Then how-"

"Jesse raped me!" Rachel burst out, tearing her wrist forcefully away from Santana. The wristband that was now a permanent accessory broke off, the scar a sharp juxtaposition against her pale, olive skin. The sight only inflamed Rachel's sudden fury that seemed out of place, but she couldn't control it; a tense ball that simply exploded as she screamed.

"Don't give me that fucking look, I don't want it, I don't need it. The only thing I wanted was for you to treat me the same as you did before, I can't stand that look!" Rachel cried, eyes blazing with emotion as Santana could only watch; same pitying and horrifying look in her eyes. _The look she hated_. " I didn't care when you thought of me crazy or even with disdain, but don't you dare give me pity! And it's a little too late for that, don't you think?" Rachel was practically snarling now. "Say your apologies, say you didn't know, but it's too late. It's too late to help me, too late to make me feel better. Too late to undo a wrong."

Rachel held up her bare wrist, the scar flashing and Santana put a hand to her mouth. "I know, I have tried."

"Rachel...I-I didn't know," Santana sad slowly, looking almost sick. She reached a comforting hand out to put on Rachel's shoulder, but she veered away from it.

"And why do you think that was?" Rachel snapped. "Because this is what would happen - you would treat me differently. I just want everything to go back to normal...but I know it never will. Please...please, just leave me alone."

Rachel turned around and walked quickly away from Santana, tears rippling down her face now as she reached her car and sunk into the front seat. Her insides were twisting with pain and a terrible ache was forming inside of her chest. Santana's expression kept flashing inside of her mind, reminding her forcibly of Finn's and Quinn's expressions as they learned of the truth. How was she ever going to be able to tell anyone else, how could she deal with this feeling each time she exposed her secret?

_Hello, Rachel._

Rachel opened her eyes startled to see Her staring back at her through the windshield, a twisted grin upon Her dirty face. There was an ugly pleased look to Her gaze that made Rachel feel slightly sick, knowing that anything She could be happy at was never good. The Girl raised her eyebrows slightly. _What? Not happy to see me?_

"Go away."

The Girl opened her mouth and laughed, the sound hollow and ominous. _You still don't get it do you? Do you know who I am, Rachel?_

"You're a monster," Rachel said quietly, the tears blurring her vision but she could still see Her perfectly. "A dark, evil-"

_I'm you._ The Girl interrupted pleasantly, raising a hand and placing it on Her cheek. _Everything I am, how I act, how I look, how I speak, belongs to you. I'm not a monster, I'm not even real. I'm you, Rachel Berry, and I'm slowly taking over. A part of your mind, the part that is struggling to be free._

"No," Rachel muttered, eyes wide as she pushed herself into the cushion of her seat as much as possible. "I'm nothing like you, you're-"

_You._ The Girl said, silencing Rachel with a dark grin._ The old Rachel Berry would never drink asmuch as you did; she would never hurt her boyfriend - do you know he'll always have those scars; she would never curse such profanities such as fuck; and, never in a hundred years, would she think of suicide!_ Rachel couldn't help but to glance at her wrist horrifyingly, the memory of a sharp pain rippling through her.

The Girl only laughed. _Now you understand why I'll never leave, why I can't simply go away. Because I am you, Rachel Berry, and forever will be._

"No...no...NO!" Rachel screamed, grabbing her keys and throwing them into the ignition. "I'm nothing like you, I despise you, I'll never allow you to become me."

The Girl lifted Her eyebrow again, Her voice cruel as She said, _And how are you going to stop it? I'm always in the one place you can't get rid of - your mind._

Rachel shook her head, unbelieving, and with a protest from the wheels of her car, she tore out of her parking spot and turned wildly into the street. She needed to get to Finn, he was the only one She couldn't affect. The pedal was practically on the floor of her car as she launched-well past the speed limit.

The streetlight in front of her was yellow that blinked red just as she was about to go through.

There was a series of honks, screaming of tires, a sudden flaring pain in her stomach as she suddenly was spinning, then-

Darkness.

**Ouch, cliffhanger. Hope you enjoyed and will review, it's greatly appreciated!**


	11. Start of a Long Night

**I'm back! I can't say enough how sorry I am that I had to put this on hiatus but recently renewed, I'm ready to finish this! Thank you all for your support! I would be nowhere without my awesome reviewers!**

11) Start of a Long Night

Finn stretched his long limbs one by one, making sure to get all the tension out of the muscles. He liked his job - don't get him wrong - but sitting in a chair all day was a lot different than being on your feet and working on vehicles and mucking around in grease. Though the pay was good, hours decent, and he didn't rue going there like he did the shop sometimes, so he couldn't complain at all.

Finn stepped out of the station just as another cop, yawning slightly and supporting a large cup of coffee with the Lima Bean logo on it, approached. He nodded at Finn. "Hey, Hudson. All quiet on the front?"

The tall boy grinned, "All quiet, sir. Not even a cat in a tree."

"Good, and stop calling me that," the man muttered, eyeing Finn with distaste. "The name's Jahner, not that bs 'sir.' Makes me sound old."

"Yes, sir - err, Jahner," Finn returned blushing slightly while the older man just shook his head exasperated, but there was an amused glint in his eyes that Finn was starting to know well.

"Rookies, never learn." Jahner smiled and gave Finn a strong pat on the shoulder. "You have a nice night, kid. And get some sleep, you look like you're about to fall to your ass tired."

"I will, sir. Have a good one."

The sheriff sighed exasperatedly but decided to just enter the station without making another comment, leaving Finn to smile to himself. He really did like the older goofy man and couldn't thank him enough for the kindness he showed Finn, and that he ignored the whole underage drinking thing. _That was totally cool._

Things were looking up, Finn had to admit as he pulled his shirt from out of his pants and strolled easily to his truck. He wasn't exactly sure he wanted to be a cop, even if the idea seemed pretty sweet, but at least it was something. It payed well and it was so much better than the shop, and that, in itself, was a bonus. He never wanted to look down again.

"Finn."

He started, his face scrunching up in confusion as he heard the voice. A person immediately came to mind but it couldn't be him, surely he wouldn't come to him without expecting a beat down, to be that stupid. His hands itched to do it ever since that day and only his self control kept him from finding the dickand making him a caricature of black and blue.

Finn turned and meet the steely, blue eyes of Jesse St. James, the one who destroyed his girlfriend's - fiance's life. The shorter man was staring up at him with a hateful expression, one hand stuck in his jacket while the other was held at his side; in a fist.

"What the hell do you want?" Finn asked, his voice a low growl. "If you think I wouldn't kick your ass when I saw you, you might want to leave now. Because I'm sure a station full of angry cops is the only thing between me and your grave."

"_You ruined everything_!" Jesse hissed, eyes flashing with his hate and tone brimming with such venom that Finn felt himself grow wary. The look Jesse had was almost...insane. "You always ruin everything. Why can't you keep well enough alone?"

"You're the one who fucking raped Rach," Finn returned, slowly moving his key to the truck to unlock the door. He really wasn't liking the expression Jesse was giving him now, brooding and full of a feverish sheen. "You ruined everything, you ruined her!"

"No, no," Jesse blubbered quickly, shaking his head indignantly in Finn's direction. "I had a plan, everything was going to be perfect. When I was in New York, I never felt more lonely. Getting into the business was harder than anyone could imagine, even with my outstanding credentials, and all the people I meet were only looking out for two people: their own self and the ass they had to kiss to get higher up."

"Sounds like you!" Finn snapped, but he didn't think that Jesse even heard him. His skin was flushed and sweat gleamed in the streetlights that were beginning to sparkle to life as the sky darkened.

"I was alone, so alone," Jesse continued. "All I could think about the whole time was the only person who really loved me - Rachel Berry. She filled up the shadows that were around me and I finally got a break as I was offered a job with NYADA. It was great, but it was never something I dreamed about or saw myself doing, I mean, I was born to do so much more! I wanted the stars but as that wasn't happening, I just made one star my priority. I wanted Rachel Berry, the want almost becoming a need, I'm afraid to say."

Jesse smiled now, a wide grin revealing all his perfect white teeth. Finn's hate flared up a notch at the sight even if it unsettled him at the same time. "So, I came back here. I came to little Lima, Ohio, a quaint town of morons and sluts parading around in their football uniforms and cheerleading outfits that would one day become cooking aprons at a fast-food place and a hooker's mini-skirt! I can't figure out why or how Rachel was unlucky enough to be born in such a place, where it was considered bad to be talented. I'll never understand William McKinley High for that, nor why they named it after such a blubbering president.

"Though I still remember Rachel from a few years ago, when I was in my junior year and you two were sophomores. When I meet her in that library, she was so sad and broken-hearted by the boy of her dreams. Or," Jesse added dryly, "used to be. She explained it all to me, that you had to find yourself before you could date her. That you didn't even want to date her."

"That was almost three years ago!" Finn protested, warmth rising up his neck as he let guilt rip through him. It was another thing to add his growing list of stupid things he had done, but he'd only been sixteen then. "I admit, I was complete moron but you can't blame me for that. Rachel doesn't. And you, you're a hypo- hypocrate or whatever the hell the word is! You raped Rachel! How can you blame me for something I did years ago when you committed something much worse?"

"I'm really tired of hearing you throw that word around," Jesse growled, his hair falling in disarray around his face. "Rape is a serious accusation, boy." Finn narrowed his eyes at the title, insulted. "You don't want to keep saying that or someone of actual importance may hear, and both of our reputations will go down the drain. And we both know yours can't get much lower, almost to the sewer practically already."

Finn decided that he had heard enough and was about to throw open his door, ready to enter it when an unsettling sight flashed before him. Jesse, his expression turning mean and ugly, pulled his hand from his pocket and exposed a shining revolver. It was a basic handgun most people would have laughed at if they seen the Drama King hold but Finn froze, suddenly aware of his mortality. Being around a police station, he had seen plenty of guns of all sizes but having one pointed directly into his face was completely different and Finn's body seemed to shut down, mind slow.

Jesse's face was twisted with malice and hate, a dark smile upon his once-handsome face. He looked deformed, crazy, and completely out of his senses. Finn recognized the demeanor well, he had seen cops dragging in stoners plenty of times with crazier expressions than that but something told him that Jesse wasn't simply getting off on crack or anything. He was just completely and mentally fucked up.

"What happened to you, Jesse?" The question escaped Finn before he could prevent himself, his thoughts racing to think of something while his body burned with need to run, to escape the lunatic who was holding a freaking gun to his face. "Just because your life sucked doesn't mean you have to destroy others. You raped Rachel, you hurt her in more ways than I ever thought possible, and yet you say you love her. I don't understand."

"When have you ever understood anything, Hudson?" Jesse muttered back, his hold on the gun trembling slightly but never wavering in the direction of Finn. "And you definitely don't understand Rachel. She wanted me as much as I wanted her, and she was so beautiful that morning. Her eyes were radiant, skin flushed to a beautiful glow, and she was smiling so invitingly despite the cold. I knew when I saw her that she was ready for me, it was like her screaming to the heavens that it was time for me to make a move. I've been following her for months before then, watching her and analyzing her, trying to figure out a way to approach her. She's so beautiful, and when I saw her on that glorious morning, I knew, I knew. It was time."

Finn swallowed uncomfortably, trying not to fidget as the gun stared ever on. His insides raged with anger, trying not to act upon it as he listened to the mockingly sweet voice talk about his fiance like she was his, Jesse's fiance . The idea made him sick and furious but he only said, "Yes, she is beautiful, but she doesn't love you."

Jesse's grin fell slightly, his face shifting between emotions so quickly that Finn could barely read them; hate, jealousy, disbelief, confusion, pain. His arm began to tremble, Finn noticed uneasily but that wasn't his intention. He shot a quick glance at the police station, a gut-wrenching feeling emanating inside of his stomach as he realized he parked out of range of the cameras placed around the station. There would be no help coming that way soon, a part of his mind dimly registered, and he returned his attention to Jesse.

The older guy's expression had turned cold, reverting back to the mask of hate and disgust. "And what? She loves you? You, Finn Hudson, a boy forever to be remembered by how many times he led his football team to defeat; how he was gullible and stupid enough to allow his best friend and girlfriend to have an affair right under his nose, and then go onto believing the kid is his; a child so pathetic he can only go back to the girls who broke his heart in the first place, who cheated on him?" His voice grew sardonic and full of humor, both Finn and Jesse aware of who had the power at the moment. "Yes, I can really see why she would _love you."_

Finn was silent, his thoughts rushing and swirling like a mad river to think of solution to get out of this alive. His first reaction was to run, to hide behind his truck and call someone for help but what if he wasn't quick enough and he got nailed right in the brain or chest - that would certainly not be cool. He didn't want to die, not here, not when he was going to be married to the girl who held his heart so dearly. Not when they were so ready to start their lives anew again. It wouldn't be fair to Rachel or the twins on the way, they already had enough pain and anguish to last a lifetime.

Closing his eyes, Finn thought of Rachel. Thinking of her smile, the way her eyes shone with warmth and life as she laughed heartily, how she could read him so easily with just his body movements and expression, zeroing in upon his troubled state immediately, and the way her presence made him feel - perfectly and ultimately content. He loved her, loved her so much, and he wanted to be with her for the rest of their lives. No one could make him experience the same emotions she did, she made him need to be someone better, not just for her, but for himself and the world. To make a difference, to be someone important. And most of all, to be someone she could love as much as he loved her.

When Finn opened his eyes, he was surprised by his own calmness. The gun was pointed directly at him, just waiting to be fired and end his life, and he could almost hear the bang exploding in his ears but he only meet the wild gaze of Jesse St. James, the one who claimed he loved Rachel so much. "Can I ask you something? Do you really love Rachel?"

"What kind of stupid question is that?" Jesse snarled angrily, but he looked off-guard, obviously not expecting it. "Of course I love her, I would give all the money in the world to her if I could."

"Me too, I feel the same," Finn affirmed slowly. "At first, I thought she was somewhat weird and crazy, like hiding-under-the-bed-stalker crazy, but she's not like that. She knows what she wants and will do anything in her power to make sure it will happen, even if it lowers peoples' opinion of her. It's her way or get off the stage." Finn smiled to himself. "And you can't blame me for loving her, you feel the same way."

"Yes, but she loves me truly in her heart, not you!" Jesse retorted, his hand still holding the gun but was it Finn's imagination or did it lower slightly. "Our children growing inside of her show that, a testimony of our love together. They will be so perfect, marvelous and grand, they will storm the world and make themselves known around the world as icons and celebrities. I'll be so proud of our children, of my children."

He'd gone absolutely, fucking crazy!

Finn kept his expression in check, arranging his features so only curiosity and understanding showed openly, not the disgust he felt. "Would you love them if they weren't yours?"

"They're mine, Hudson! Don't you fucking try to say differently," Jesse roared. His face was turning a deep, angry red and the gun flashed back up towards Finn's face, shaking but controlled,

"If Rachel did decide to go and love you, choose you over me, and the children were mine," Finn continued, trying to ignore the gun but failing as it was like a freaking bomb in the middle of a school. "Would you still love them? Seeing my face and features upon them for the rest of your life, always knowing inside that they were the kids of someone else, could you still love them? Could you still stare down upon them and feel that swell of pride as you talked about, would you be proud of your children?"

Jesse's whole body was shaking now in silent fury and confusion shone upon his feverish and sweaty face. It felt like an eternity before he finally shouted, "Shut up, don't you dare say another fucking word or I swear-"

"I would," Finn interrupted, ignoring his words. "I would love and be proud of them with all my heart. I'd do anything and everything to be the best father a man can be to his children. No matter if the father was you or me, I would."

"I said SHUT UP!"

" Even if they were your children, I would love them as if they were my own. Because, running alongside your blood, would be Rachel's. They are a part of her as much as they are a piece of mine or yours, and for that I would love them-"

"I mean it, I'll shoot you if you don't-"

"For I love her more than you could ever manage and if me raising those kids will make her happy, I'd do it in a heartbeat," Finn finished, his voice swelling with meaning to show the truth and conviction of his words. "Could you truly say the same, Jesse?"

Jesse looked almost sick, his eyes bucking madly, like panicked horses, and his legs trembling shakily under his weight. Breathing heavily through his mouth, he was taking deep gasps of air but it only seemed to make him more anxious, as if he was trying to fill his lungs but couldn't. The only thing that remained still was the gun in his hands, holding on with both now, as he kept it firmly trained upon Finn, the short barrel looking deadly in the street lights that just flared to full life above their heads. Finn had to stop himself from taking a step back uneasily, wondering if had gone too far.

Tears suddenly exploded in Jesse's eyes. "I love her, I could give her the world on a silver platter if she wanted me to. I'd do anything for her."

"I know, I know, but think what Rachel wants right now," Finn said, taking a step forward cautiously, his chest tightening with anxiety as he feared Jesse would shoot him but he seemed totally caught up in his sudden revelation. "Think of what she needs. I don't think she really needs right now is for one of us to shoot the other, do you think that too?"

Jesse looked uncertain, turning his eyes upon the black gun with amazement as if he had just realized that it was there. He dropped it to the ground with a cry, Finn jumping back in surprise as it made a loud clank against the pavement but then it fell flat, appearing innocent. Taking a deep, relieved breath and leaning against the side of his truck, Finn tried to keep himself from bursting into tears with joy, but instead he looked back at Jesse, gauging his expression.

The only description Finn could think of was that he was completely fucked. Paler than usual, Jesse fell to his knees, staring at the gun uncomprehendingly. His hands rested upon his thighs, palms upward and fingers stretched apart like they were stained with filth and he didn't want to smear it upon himself. Tears were cascading down his cheeks but he gave them no notice, completely focused upon the handgun.

Finn thought he was until he finally spoke, his words so quiet Finn wasn't sure if he was including him in the conversation or not. "I didn't mean for it to get this far, I just wanted her to love me. I seen the way she looked at you while I was following her around before we meet that morning, filled with such joy and love. I imagined it was me she was looking at, not you. She meant so much to me in the short duration we were with each other that I hate myself for ever breaking it off with her...I wish I could go back and change the past, do you know what I mean?"

No matter if it sickened him to say it, he agreed with Jesse. He would have given the world to go back, to stop himself fromever believing in Quinn's lies, to change the way he felt after his first break-up with Rachel, to not have done it in the first place, to force himself from ever bullying kids or making fun of people because they were different. But, looking back, they were the events that shaped him into the man he was now, the leader he wanted to be and the fiancé Rachel needed. Without them he would've still been that boy who only cared about what was for dinner and trying to get into Quinn Fabray's pants.

"But I can't and I became obsessed," Jesse continued solemnly when Finn remained silent, his words getting quieter and quieter as the truth revealed itself to him. "When I saw her that morning, coming out of your house and looking like a better version of herself, something inside of me snapped. I knew you two had slept together, that you'd taken away her virginity, and it pissed me off. Something broke and before I knew it, Rachel was under me, crying and sobbing into the dirt. I-I didn't mean to, I would never hurt her intentionally, I just wanted her so badly. I ignored her cries and pleas, most of them for you, and told myself that she liked it, that she enjoyed it as much as I was. I was firm in belief, so I kept-"

Before he knew it, Finn took a step forward and, drawing his foot back, smashed it across Jesse's face. Anger and retribution burning inside of him as he saw Jesse skid across the ground, blood spraying from a broke nose. He didn't even cry out, and laid still against the ground but his eyes fluttered as he struggled to look up at Finn. He could've only imagined what he looked liked, pissed? Angry? Disgusted? Hateful? He felt them all as Jesse talked about what he did to Rachel, like it was nothing more than describing a bad movie from the past.

The gun suddenly in his hand, his finger resting upon the trigger, and focused upon Jesse, Finn was ready to shoot. His body ached to relieve the anger tensing his body, his head screamed to end the life of the man who stole his Rach away from him, and it would all be sated with a simple motion of his finger. One gesture and revenge would be his, blood for blood. He would be a hero, not only to Rachel, but to all the other females in the world who'd experienced the same tragic event by the hands of slime like Jesse St. James. He would be Rachel's hero.

Jesse, his face disfigured with his nose askew and blood streaming around his mouth, returned his look evenly. "Kill me," he muttered softly. "I don't want to feel this way, forever tormented by the fact that the one person I love with all my heart will never love me back. Kill me, it would be easier for all of us if I was dead, and then you and Rachel could live forever happily after."

The idea was tempting, Finn couldn't help noticing but he found himself pausing. Death seemed too easy, so permanent. Rachel tried to end her own life because she thought she couldn't live anymore with the pain but she didn't succeed, she choose life knowing she would forever have to remember the memory of her being raped. Finn was going to do his best for her never to have to think about that day again, but would killing Jesse help her. Would it solve their problems? Finn knew the answer, but he didn't like it.

Without another thought, he turned his back on the bloody person laying on the pavement and walked over to the side of the street. Wiping the handle clean with his shirt, he grabbed it by the edge of his shirt and dropped it down a sewer grate. He stared down at the dark hole for a few moments, wondering if he had done the right thing. He strode back to Jesse, his expression confused and uncertain. "I told you to kill me, you had the perfect chance."

"When have I ever listened to you, St. Jackass," Finn snapped, cutting off Jesse's next words. He was seriously wishing he had reconsidered throwing the gun down the drain now. "I'm not going to kill you, death is too good for you. You deserve to live a long, horrible life and be reminded of the actions that you committed every single day for the rest of your crappy-ass existence. Everyone has to deal with the bitterness of their past, why should you be considered above the rest? No, I'm not going to do that but I am giving you a chance. Prove to the world, yourself, and, most importantly, Rachel that you are sorry for what you've done and turn yourself in. The police station is right there, tell them everything that happened. It's the only way you'll truly show you are sorry."

Finn opened the door to his truck, preparing to get in and wipe Jesse St. James forever from his life when he paused. Not looking back at the mess but feeling his stare burrowing into his back, he added, "It's your choice but I swear to God and anyone else that may be listening, I'll kill you if I ever see you around Rachel again. The next time I promise I will do so much more than a fucking broken nose. Do you understand?"

Silence answered him for a horrifyingly-long moment but finally he was returned with a muted, "I do."

"Good, now get out of the street before I run your ass over."

Finn slammed his door shut behind him when he got in, hands clenched tightly upon the steering wheel as Jesse rose to his feet and shuffled to the side of the road. He didn't take the time to watch him, only grumbled his truck to life and sped off toward home. He wasn't very certain of a lot of things but Finn was positive at that moment Jesse was out of his and Rachel's lives forever. No matter if he turned himself in to the police or runs to the hills trying to hide from his past, he doubted Jesse would bother them.

Maybe things were looking up, Finn thought positively as he tried to keep his calm. He knew the instant he tried not to think about it, the night's events would totally succumb him and he would probably end up in a corner sobbing while in the fetal position.

It was then his phone rang.

**Going back to this was like reading a book you haven't read since elementary school. Please review! It would mean so much to me. **

**Valete, **

**~Dreamy**


	12. Fourway Turn

**Next chapter! Tissues at the ready! **

**I ****hope you read, review, and, most importantly, enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, Fox, Ryan Murphy Productions, So many other things...**

12) Four-way Turn

"No, no," Finn muttered under his breath, tears exploding in his eyes as he dropped the phone that was once up to his ear a second ago. It wasn't true, it couldn't be true. Not after all they had been through, all the pain, all the tears. "They're lying to me!"

Only the low growl of his truck returned his statement, consistent but revealed no insight to his words. A part of his clouded mind nudged him to get going but all he could do was sit in the crappy driver's seat of his crappy truck, staring at the crappy driver's wheel. When did his whole life turn into crap, when did everything bad seem to fall upon his broad, yet young, shoulders.

_Finn, there's been an accident. It...it involved Rachel Berry. Her vehicle ran a red light while going fifty in a twenty-five zone. She managed to avoid hitting the other two vehicles present without harming them - a Honda Civic and a Jeep Wrangler - but her little Chevy spun and...and crashed into a light post. It doesn't look good, her car is totaled and Rachel was pulled out of the wreckage and sent to Lima Memorial but the EMT present said it didn't look good for her. I'm sorry, son, but I thought I had to contact you...Finn, are you-_

That had been as far as the officer got before Finn hit the red END button and let it fall from his numb fingers. The words 'didn't look good for her' ran through his head like the trail of words under a news report. They went too fast, they didn't connect in his blank mind even though they continued to flare in front of him mockingly.

_Didn't look good for her._

What did that mean? Was she dead, were the babies dead too? Finn felt numb and empty, an ache tearing through his stomach like knives. He felt like he should be crying or pleading for mercy but he couldn't, the water brimmed in the deep depths but none fell down his cheeks. He was past crying, he was definitely past begging. The whole school year felt like he'd done nothing else; cry, beg, worry, run.

Finn closed his eyes at the lost thought. If Rachel and the twins were dead...what was there here for him? Except for his family, absolutely nothing and he knew he wouldn't be able to live in the basement of Burt's house for the rest of his life. Running was the only option he had left. But where would he go? What would he do? The world lay open at his feet but it seemed empty and dull without anyone at his side.

Especially if that anyone was Rachel...

A loud ring broke his thoughts and clarity suddenly dawned through his numb mind, sending the tears falling down his face. Rachel could be dying - needing him - and what was he doing? Sitting in his fucking truck and doing absolute shit! Ignoring the phone that was ringing annoyingly in his lap, he wiped the tears away angrily, flipped the truck into drive, and tore off the curb and, going well past the speed limit, floored it to the hospital.

I'm coming, Rach, I'm coming, Finn thought to himself in his head like a chant. Don't you dare stop fighting.

* * *

><p>It was the first day of freshman year and she was so nervous, she was shacking.<p>

William McKinley High School. _High school._ It had always seemed distant and far away to her, like something she would never experience before. All through middle school she'd heard the rumors of the sorts of things that happened inside its infamous walls. The ruthless bullies who would dunk your head in a grimy toilet and flush - a swirly; the popular girls and cheerleaders that would crush you to the ground with their lies and gossip, all coming from flawless lips and curvy, beautiful bodies; the jocks who slept with every girl, or whoever pleased them, in the school.

They kept her awake at night, terrified at some of them but deep inisde of her she was somewhat excited. There was nothing more she wanted than to be an actress, a mature and talented woman with people bowing their heads in respect and awe at her talent. High school would just be another stepping stone in that process, to raise herself up higher on the ladder to stardom. She imagined herself laughing and chatting with the top-of-the-food-chain girls, a queen in their ranks and impervious to the lowly bullies, and all the while with a handsome guy wrapped around her finger.

She imagined wrong.

Barely before lunch, she had 'dwarf' scratched on her locker, purse stolen, and clothes slushied. The first time she even tried to talk to a couple of girls in cheerleading uniforms, she was given such looks of contempt and disgust that she ran away before they could even comment. The jocks and bullies seemed to be one the same, pushing and throwing kids into lockers or dumpsters whenever the chance arose; proudly bearing the red letterman jackets as they did. To her added disappointment, most weren't even that good looking.

Well, until she saw him.

Walking along the hallways (after going home and changing during lunch), she shyly and timidly raised her head to see a bunch of football players walk by her. They were laughing and chatting about something, all except one that was. He was in the middle, face benign and open but thoughtful. Wearing a white polo under his jacket and black pants, he was a dashing sight and one she never forgot.

It was the first time she had ever seen Finn Hudson and in her mind, there was no one as perfect as him. Tall with a broad chest, strong physique, and brilliant brown eyes - an amazing cinnamon color, she noted - he was the boy of her dreams. A smile came across her face for the first time that day, diminishing the clouds plaguing her since the first time she felt the cold assault of a slushy, and a flutter began in her chest.

She watched him as they passed each other, hoping he would look at her and...do something. To her dismay, he walked by without even a single glance in her direction. Sighing, she only tried to keep the sorrow suddenly exploding in the pit of her stomach from turning into tears and kept going.

The whole time she was unaware of the eyes watching her walk away, curiousity and interest flaring in the cinnamon depths.

* * *

><p>Finn screamed to a stop outside of the hospital, uncaring when someone yelled he couldn't park there as he bolted into the hospital. Running past a sign that said 'Quiet please, our patients are healing,' his feet made loud smacking noises as he stopped before the information desk with a tired and disgruntled receptionist looking up at him.<p>

"Can I help you-"

"I need to know where Rachel Berry is at, she's my fiance and's been in an accident. She's pregnant and I need to know where she's at. Please, I need to know." Finn spoke the words so quickly and frantically that he wasn't totally sure he heard himself correctly but the woman apparently had, her fingers going to her keyboard but someone screaming his name made him look up.

Santana Lopez, looking very unlike herself with tears streaming down her face and hair in a wild tangle upon her head, threw her arms around his neck and bawled into his shoulder. "I'm so sorry, Finn! It's all my fault! If I hadn't pushed her, if I hadn't pushed you, none of this would've happened! I'm so sorry, I d-didn't mean any of it! I tried calling but you didn't pick! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

This was definitely not what Finn expected and pushing Santana roughly away from him, he grabbed her arms and meet her frantic gaze. "Santana, what happened? Is Rachel going to be okay? Where's she at?"

Santana seemed not to hear him, totally besides herself as she buried her face in her hands; voice muffled. "Why was I such a bitch? If I could go back, I would, Finn, I swear I would. I'd never make fun of her again or you or anyone as long as she's okay. _Dios mio_! The sound of the t-tires squealing, the car horns, the crash - it was awful. A-And it's all my fault! If I never made that comment, if I wasn't such a bitch none of this would've happened. I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault, Santana," Finn gritted his teeth, trying to keep himself from physically shaking the answers out of the distraught girl. A strange tension was aching in his shoulders and jaw, fear and nerves accumulating on top of it and making him shake. Desperation was heavy in his voice as he asked again: "Please, Santana, where's Rach -"

"No!" Santana's scream echoed in the hospital's silent entryway; Finn took a wary step back; the receptionist jumped in her seat behind the desk. She wrapped her arms around her chest tightly, sobbing awfully and voice breaking. "It's all my fault! She told me what happened between her and Jesse, what...what he did to her. That fucking dick, I'd kill him in an instant for what he did. It was Jesse, Finn, he raped her! And I let him just walk away, he's out there safe and well while Rachel-"

Santana broke down then, crumbling to her knees and falling into a miserable pile as she hugged her knees and shrieked. Finn could only stare, torn between the girl in front of him and the girl of his heart. Luckily, the receptionist was quick on the uptake and was at Santana's side in a moment. She whispered something to Santana, who only nodded her head once. The receptionist looked up at Finn. "I'll call someone for your friend here, I already contacted someone to take you to Ms. Berry. He should be - there he is now."

Finn turned to see a familiar boy coming up to him, looking professional in chocolate-brown scrubs. Jordan Breckel smiled at Finn warmly but there was a hidden pain in the deep brown eyes. "I would say it's nice to see you again, Finn, but I'd rather not of done it here. Not in these circumstances." The edges of his mouth slipped slightly. "Come on, Finn, I'll show you where you can go to wait for Rachel and the doctors. Her parents are there now."

Finn, relieved, only gave Santana a final glance - she was being helped into a chair and asked who the receptionist should call - before following after the CNA. The other boy was surprisingly quick on his feet and even Finn had to hurry to follow along beside him. He was dying to ask so many questions but unsure how to, he remained silent. Jordan seemed so calm while Finn just wanted to explode and burst into tears like Santana, a part of him scared that he was never getting a straight answer on how Rachel or the twins were doing.

Jordan, possibly sensing Finn's unasked questions, cleared his throat. "I volunteer on some weeknights as a Unit Secretary. It's nothing like being an actual CNA but you still help a whole lot. I was working when Rachel came in. I don't know really anything about what's happening to her but I do know she's at least stable and the doctors are doing everything to save her and the baby."

Finn felt like crying in relief at the word 'stable' and the tension in his neck lessened slightly and felt like he could breath again. But something was off to him...something was wrong. It was hearing Jordan's words repeat in his head that made him freeze, fear clutching at his heart and making his head swim. The smell of the hospital, once distant, clogged his nostrils, churned his stomach. His mouth felt uncomfortably dry as he repeated the words that had frozen him. "The baby?"

_As in only one?_

Jordan stopped, realization flooding his face and something like anguish flickering across the boyish features. "Oh, heck. You don't know, do you?"

Finn's world dropped as Jordan told him.

* * *

><p>The sun was lazily flicking over her exposed skin as she reclined back into the towel, eyes closed, muscles relaxed, mind cleared. The sound of water gently lapping in the wind reached her ears and calmed her senses, the smell of grass around her pleasant, if maybe a little potent. However, it was the body next to her that was making the scene perfect.<p>

She could easily picture him in her head, even down to the exact number of birthmarks dotting the side of his jaw and mouth. Wearing only a pair of swimming trunks, his broad but strong chest was tanning in the summer light that filtered down from the sky. Imagining the dark sunglasses protecting his eyes, the crooked grin, the almost-black hair, it sent shivers racing down her spine, through her arm, and to her left hand where his meet hers. She involuntarily moved her head towards him and opened her eyes.

He was staring back at her, a serene and calm glint to his eyes making him seem even younger than his eighteen years. The smile upon his face was the same she seen in her head, an intoxicating gesture that made her always want to lean forward and press her mouth to it. To feel the shape of the grin, to try and reproduce it, but never managing to ever do it the way he could.

She smiled back at him. "What?"

"Nothing," he returned simply.

"Why are you staring at me like that?"

"Can't I look at you?"

"_Finn_." Her voice was as even as her look.

He chuckled and shook his head slightly, the deep sound reverbrating through his whole body and she could feel it in her own fingers. "Forget it, sounds stupid anyway."

"Tell me." She couldn't help but to press him, her interest spiked, it had to be sated or she would go crazy not knowing. "Please, what is it?"

Finn looked at her contemplatively then sighed. "Okay, but you got to promise not to laugh." She did, but Finn appeared doubtful as he continued. "Well, I was just thinking how nice these last couple of months were ever since we got back together. No fighting, no bickering, just...us. I know we both did stupid things in the past but I'm tired of always looking back, I...I kinda want to look forward."

She regarded Finn silently, unsure of where he was going with this. It was true, the last two months had been glorious and she secretly considered losing Nationals worth it. They were so caught up in all the time they'd lost, they weren't so wrapped up in the past. It certainly didn't mean it was forgotten but some things were better not talked about all the time, only remembered and learned from.

Finn blushed; his large fingers brushing the back of her hand reassuringly as if she needed the comfort. "I know you're going to New York after senior year and that could possibly be the end of us but...but I don't want it to be over - no, don't speak yet. Let me explain," Finn added as she opened her mouth, guilt twisting her stomach partially.

"I don't expect you to stay here or not go to NYC because of me, but I just want you to know something," his voice became gruff, like he was trying to keep back emotion. "When your world changes by changing cities, schools, homes, and friends, just know that my feelings for you will never change. I'll always love you, no matter what happens. Even if we're states apart, my heart will always belong to you.

"And one day," Finn's mouth curved up slightly in a small grin as he shrugged his shoulders, "maybe we can be together again. Buy a home, get married, start a family, have kids."

Her jaw dropped.

Finn glared accusingly at her. "I think I'd prefer you laughing at me. I told you it was stupid."

"No, no," she hurried, fighting back tears. "It's just...you never really talk about the future and that's a lot to think about. Not stupid at all, only I'm not sure what's going to happen next, Finn. Who knows what can happen to us a day from now, or a month, or even a year. Though, I'm glad you're here with me now. I don't know who else I'd rather spend my time with."

"Even Barbra Streisand?"

"Don't push it, Finn."

They shared a laugh and a deep kiss before returning to their positions, Finn's right hand still in her left hand. She was unaware of his fingers gently rubbing against her ring finger, thoughtfully brushing the undisturbed skin.

* * *

><p><em>Beep.<em>

Make it stop...she wasn't feeling good.

_Beep._

Her head hurt, the sound was only making it worse.

_Beep._

A moan escaped from her mouth, the sound eerily loud to her and echoed painfully in her mind.

_A rush of voices, frantic but gentle emerged but they made no sense. A name. They kept repeating a name. _

She didn't know who it belonged to so she stopped paying attention. She wished the pain would go away...it hurt so much. Luckily for her, a numbing sensation of sleep began to fall over her. With a sigh of relief, she succumbed herself in it and fell away into the darkness.

She was standing in an intersection of hallways, each direction veering away. In front of her, red lockers framed the sides of the wall that lead to a set of wide, glass doors. A comforting white shined through them but she couldn't see past it, only the sense of peace and warmth wrapping around her left her sure it wasn't anything bad.

To her left, the corridor branched off into darkness. It was shapeless, indefinite, empty. No, there was a shape in it. A short, slender form with dark hair falling around their face and gently resting on their shoulder: a young woman. She could've been beautiful but dirt and grass matted her hair, bruises lined her face and bare legs, and an ugly smile spread across her mouth. The sight was disturbing.

Quickly turning away, she looked behind her and away from the woman. Her breath caught in her throat, awe flooding her system and making her forget about what she had just seen. The hallway opened up into a great plaza, buildings rising up and reaching for the sky majestically. It was New York, she knew but couldn't understand how she knew, but that wasn't what caught her eye. It was the grand sign trailing across one side of a tall tower that did; a picture of herself with lights flashing around the borders and making her seem even brighter in comparison. It was magnificient and everything she wanted but the plaza was empty and cold, no one in sight.

Almost involuntarily, she turned to the last hallway. She smiled at what she saw. Finn, looking mature and very adult in a razor-sharp suit and glasses, was smiling as he held a child in his arms. A young boy, she noted, probably about six, who was wearing khaki pants and a stripped polo shirt; his smile mirrored the grin upon Finn's face. They didn't move or say anything, only watched her pleasantly, silently.

She suddenly felt a tug on her hand and she glanced down, surprised but at the same time knowing exactly what she would see. A little girl, around the same age as the boy, was holding her hand and beaming up at her with a wide smile. Chocolate-brown eyes sparkled from behind almost-black bangs, her nose maybe a little off portion to the rest of her face but cute all the same; a pink dress, white gleaming socks, and tiny ballet shoes finished it all off.

Sharing a smile, they only continued to watch each other. A bond, something she never felt before except for what she felt at times with Finn, was so strong between them that she never wanted the little girl to let go. However, a part of her knew she had to let go eventually and she felt tears brim in her eyes.

The little girl smiled and shook her head, hair bouncing as she did. "Don't cry, Mommy. Im'ma gonna be okay, you'll see."

"But I don't want you to go," she muttered, tears making tracks across her cheeks.

"I'll always be with you, Mommy, but I jus' gotta go." The girl glanced at Finn and the boy, then back at her. "You'll look after Daddy and brother, right? They need you."

"I will," she promised, nodding her head and smiling despite the tears. "But we need you too. You belong with us."

"I am - right here," the young girl placed a hand on the right side of her chest.

She laughed and gently moved the hand to the opposite side of her body. "Your heart is on the other side, sweety. Don't worry, your Daddy had the same problem."

"Daddy's funny sometimes," the girl giggled, then looked to the hallway leading into the white light. "It's time for me to go. Kiss Daddy and little brother for me?"

She nodded, and the little girl beamed. "Bye, Mommy. I love you!" With that, a wave to Finn and the boy, she let go of her hand and skipped into the light, her tiny frame disappearing into the peaceful glow. She watched after her for a moment, sad and happy at the same time, but then realized it was her turn. She had a choice to make as each hallway taunted her, each goading her down a road a part of her yearned for.

To follow after the young girl, to be with her in the soft, warm light.

To turn and descend into darkness, to lose herself in the solitude of it all and never have the burden to make choices or care what people think.

To step up and follow her dream, make it her priority and forget about everthing else except her and her rise to power.

To walk into the future, embrace family and life, but also all the problems and issues that may have to come with it.

It was her choice to make and hers alone. Not Finn's, not her parents', not anybody's except for hers.

With a deep breath, Rachel closed her eyes and decided.

* * *

><p>Rachel's eyes cracked upon as a loud cry pierced her dream and tore her awake for a moment. She briefly took in the whitewashed room, the wet sheets around her frame, the exhausted but pleased people in gowns and caps, but it was the bundle one of them carried in their arms that captivated her. A beautiful baby boy that whined once, blinked, then opened his eyes.<p>

They meet her own gaze directly and a spark of cinnamon flared in the deep depths.

**The last chapter is coming up! I hope you enjoyed this one! I want your thoughts on the last part. Was it too much? Good? Awful? Review please! **

**Sorry for the wait, I'm going back to college but now I'm seriously thinking it was a little too soon.**

**Valete,**

**Dreamy.**


	13. Solace

**Last chapter! Hope you enjoyed the ride, even though it was kinda prolonged due to me having issues. Sorry, I wish I was a faster writer sometimes. Thank you so much for all the support and encouragement, your reviews/PMs always make my days and nights so much more enjoyable. **

**But enough of me...**

13) Solace

The sounds of metal clinking and someone giggling distantly made their way through her dreams and sent her awake. Blinking sleepily, she groaned and rolled over in bed, trying to fall back into her dream but the giggle came again. Without looking, she threw out her hand to the opposite side of the bed, ready to prod the lump there awake. "Finn, I'll give you anything for five more minutes, I - Finn?"

Rachel wearily looked up from her pillow and to her deepest amazement, saw Finn's side of the bed was empty. In a whole long year, he'd never gotten up before she did. But - she glanced at the clock on the bedside table - never had she slept in so late either. It was almost ten already! The days when she used to get up at six mocked her but her life was totally different then. She sighed and closed her eyes again, feeling very tired suddenly and just wanting to pull the covers over her head and forget the world.

But she'd made a promise.

Throwing a velvet robe around herself (a gift from Carole and Burt for her birthday), she padded softly across the carpeted floor of their apartment. It wasn't very large or extravagant but it was the best she and Finn could afford and he always pointed out, "At least it's not Lima Heights Adjacent or anything."

That usually shut her up. Actually, a part of her warmed to the apartment as time went on and it became home - also when Finn sealed the cracks in their bedroom's wall. Sure, the carpets were crap, the paint needed work, and don't get her started on the bathroom sink, but it was theirs and starting to become perfect more and more as the days went on. The carpet had become bearable after a couple dozen washings, Finn had spent a few days painting their bedroom and was beginning to work on the living room, and the sink...well, it ran clean water (partially).

No, Rachel thought with a slight smile, it was perfect. And walking into the kitchen that morning and witnessing what she was seeing, she knew she picked right. The sun was flickering through a window and brightening the kitchen to a warm glow, the light reflected in the faces of her two boys. Dressed in only a pair of sweats and an old gym shirt, Finn was humming as he sat at the dining table, head propped up on his hand with one arm while the other dangled keys in front of a baby boy.

A baby boy with amazing cinnamon eyes, a crooked smile, and a nose that was too big for his face. Black hair curled playfully on the top his head, bouncing as he giggled and tried to grasp at the keys. Finn brought them close, enough for the little tyke to grab, but always jerking them out of range when he got too close, earning Finn a round of baby babble.

"This is why Chris always spits on you and not me," Rachel said, and the two favorite boys of her life turned in her direction and grinned. They looked so alike, it was beautiful even though Rachel always felt a shameful spurt of jealousy at the thought. If she had lived, would she have looked like her?

"Nah, he likes it. Though he sounds exactly like you sometimes when you're really riled up and pissed - a whole lot of words that I can't understand," Finn said, tossing the keys to his son who shook them in a little fist triumphantly, then put them in his mouth proudly. Finn laughed; Rachel sighed and pulled them out gently, giving him a ring of play keys instead.

"Eww, Finn. Think of the germs."

"Germs never killed anyone," Finn muttered while standing up and wrapping Rachel in his arms. He lowered his forehead so his head rested on the top of hers, their eyes meeting. "How did you like the extra few hours of sleep?"

"Good, felt different, but good," Rachel returned, hugging her own body to his. "Too bad I couldn't do it everyday, I really think I could get used to that kind of treatment."

"Trust me when I say it's easier to start sleeping late than getting up early," said Finn, a brief smile gracing his features. It dulled suddenly as she felt his body tighten slightly, the tension almost palpable in his muscles. "Are you okay, though? We don't have to do this today if you don't want to. I mean, it's all what you want to do."

Rachel felt a familiar pressure form behind her eyes but she shook it away with a negative gesture of her head. "No, it's not just about me. It's about you, Chris, and her, as well. I want to do this, I need to do this. I have to go, to show her she still means something to me."

Finn smiled sadly. "I love you so much, you know that right?"

"Of course, and I love you. Nothing could change that - nothing," Rachel promised then leaned up to get a kiss from her husband, the ring on her finger tingling with warmth. It had only been a small ceremony a month after the accident but it meant everything to her and Finn; they were a family in that moment and Rachel knew nothing could ever change that. It was stability and peace of mind, somethings Rachel really needed after Chris' birth.

Finn pulled back, grimacing and nose scrunching. "Ugh, morning breath. Go get ready then we can head out, I'll make sure Christopher is all dressed. I already feed him so he should be good to go."

"Whatever you say, Mr. Mom." Rachel teased before snatching a banana from a bowl on the table and heading to the bathroom. Finn grinned to himself, then looked down at his son in the height chair, content with his whole fist practically in his wide mouth. "You know what, Chris, I kinda think I like the sound of that. Mr. Mom."

Chris winked at him, then farted.

Finn chuckled. "That's my boy."

* * *

><p>The Hudsons bundled up into their Grand Prix, the car a wedding gift from Rachel's father despite her pleas; they already had paid for the wedding and the medical bills - it was way too much. They shook it off and said they only had one daughter and one grandson, so hell if they were going to allow them to be driven around in Finn's piece-of-junk truck. It wasn't fancy or anything but Rachel loved it all the same and so did Chris it seemed as it was the only place he hadn't spit up in yet.<p>

Rachel, making sure her dress didn't get stuck in the door, shut it with a snap, checked on Chris one last time, then smiled at Finn. "All set."

Finn was dressed in a black suit and looking extremely handsome but his expression was somber as he nodded and pulled the car onto the road. He didn't say anything, his hands clenched tightly on the steering wheel. Rachel couldn't blame him, she didn't feel much like talking either. Closing her eyes, the last year passed quickly by her eyes.

The first few months felt like a blur, a rush of events that kept piling on top of each other and another and never seemed to stop. The papers to sign, the bills to pay, the food to get, they all spiraled into each other and even with all that, there was the pain. She and Finn both tried to hide it but each were hurting deeply inside for their baby girl. The doctors said she was the weakest to begin with and when Rachel was in the accident, the twins had basically been torn away from her placenta and forced into premature labor. Rachel was told that she was extremely lucky she and even one of the babies made it.

She remembered laying in the hospital bed, Chris somewhat stable in the NICU, and Finn sleeping uneasily in a chair next to her, and feeling anything but lucky. Rachel wanted her baby daughter to be snuggled next to her brother, not placed in a small box that contained her tiny body. It was so unfair, Rachel cried to herself, so unfair that everything bad seemed to happen to her and Finn. There were countless times where she just wanted to end it all, to go and be with her baby daughter but the promise always popped up in her head, always making her change her mind.

Rachel knew that this was one promise she was going to keep until the day she died, no matter what came around the corner next.

It seemed to Rachel that Finn was dealing with it worse than she was. The first time they meet after it all, he'd buried his face into her shoulder and just cried. Holding him tightly, she'd let him and whispered that everything was going to be okay. At the time it seemed like it never would, but in her heart she knew they would be okay eventually. They wept together that day, falling asleep with tears in their eyes but waking up to a beautiful dawn. A dawn of a new tomorrow, a dawn of forever.

It got better when the tests came back and Finn was finally declared the father. He protested at first that he wore a condom, but when Rachel bluntly stated if he would've preferred it to be the other choice, he stopped. Well, he did shut up but a few years down the road and never where Rachel could hear, Finn always told Chris to never keep condoms in a warm wallet.

Finn never fully explained to Rachel what happened between him and Jesse that fateful night, only that he was forever out of their lives and gone for good. Unnerved by the dark pall that always fell over his face and the deep silence, she rarely brought it up but at times curiosity would win out and she'd ask. The answer was always the same:

"Sometimes the past just needs to stay dead, Rach, so we can start the next day. He's gone and will never bother us again, I promise."

And Finn was right, Jesse St. James never bothered them again. Except for one thing which happened on Chris' eighteenth birthday. A card was sent with almost two thousand dollars inside. There was no note, no signature, only a small picture of an egg in the corner. Christopher never understood why his mother began to cry or his father left the room, slamming the bedroom door sharply. Rachel read it as an apology but she never would forget Jesse for the things he did, nor would he ever face the full punishment of his crimes. It was an awful life lesson to Rachel: sometimes there's really no happy and justified endings, only the sad truth and the insatiable feeling of hope.

Hope.

Rachel wiped her wet eyes, trying not to think about her. It was impossible when everything in her past reminded Rachel of her baby girl, the dream still fresh in her mind as if she only slept it last night. The branches of her life veered away in front of her, all ready and tempting her to travel along them. She occasionally had felt the tingle in her limbs to leave the path she was on, to turn and choose something easier, less painful. Then, when she was cradling a crying Chris as Finn left to go work a graveyard shift at the station, she realized that the pain was worth it as Chris' eyes closed, respiration calmed, and his tiny hand wrapped around her finger. The award was greater than the pain ever could be.

The Girl never showed Her face again; Rachel's reflection in the mirror once again belonging only to her. She thought she'd see Her on a daily basis after all that happened but she didn't. It was only when she was in the deepest grips of her self-pitying did She ever rear Her ugly, mean face. But when Chris was born and she and Finn got married, Rachel finally stopped thinking about solely herself. Two other lives were in her hands, needing her support and love, and she couldn't do that while being absorbed in her own melancholy. She had to continue on and hope for hope.

Hope.

Rachel suddenly turned to Finn - the exact time he looked at her. An unspoken message flashed between them and Finn, without saying a word, did an illegal U-turn and swiveled onto an old dirt road. He held out his hand and Rachel clenched it tightly, taking deep breaths and trying not to break down.

After a few minutes of traveling on the road, no other vehicle in sight, Chris giggling in the back at the rocking motion, Finn slowly rolled under a rusting gate and passed a series of low stones in the ground. Age and the elements weathered most of them away to practically nothing but the farther they progressed, the newer the stones became. The Grand Prix stopped before a small stone, the white gloss and letters still bright as the pain in their hearts.

_As the gravestone dulls in time, so does the pain and memory._

Rachel hesitatingly stepped out of the car, scared and wishing they had never come. The thought of getting back in the car and telling Finn to leave crossed her mind just as Finn - Chris held sturdy in one arm - held out his hand for her to take again. He smiled sadly, his cinnamon gaze shining with emotion, and only said, "Come, let's say hello."

"Finn...I-I don't know if I can," Rachel muttered softly, trying not to cry in front of Chris. Her son's face was unusually somber as he looked around the graveyard from his father's arms, the same emotion of Finn's reflected in his own. "What if..."

"She needs her mom," Finn continued, palm held out to her. "Just like Chris and I need you."

Rachel took it and allowed him to lead her across the newly green spring grass, the warm aroma of flowers on the wind teasing her nose gently. It was a beautifully glorious day and the sunlight flared brightly on the stone her husband was leading her to. The letters practically glowed.

_Hope Shelby Hudson  
>Forever in our hearts<br>Forever in our dreams  
>Eternal is our Hope<em>

Rachel put her free hand to her mouth to stifle a sob, tears flowing freely down her face now but let it fall shortly after. Not letting go of Finn's hand, however, she kneeled gently in the dirt before the grave, not caring of stains or harming the material. Her fingers traced the letters on the stone, repeating each of them in her mind as she went along. When she reached Hope, a small, sad smile came across her face.

"My Hope," Rachel started, her voice barely a whisper but she knew Finn could hear her and so could Hope. "I miss you, which is weird as we never really met but I always keep feeling you in my heart. Whenever I laugh, whenever I smile, or see your Daddy and Chris happy, I know you're there and I almost imagine you laughing like the rest of them. God, I hope you don't have your Daddy's laugh too."

"Hey now, you love my laugh." Finn smiled warmly, squeezing her hand which she returned.

"I do, I do," Rachel acquiesced softly before moving her attention back to the stone. "I wanted to apologize, Hope, for not coming sooner. I could tell you it was a long, hard year and there never seemed time but those would just be excuses and I never want to lie to you. I could've found time, squeezed it in somewhere, but I-I was scared. I didn't know what I'd do when I got here. Cry, I suppose - like I'm doing now if you can't tell." Rachel laughed slightly and dabbed her eyes with the back of her hand.

"But I want you to always know that I'm constantly thinking of you and wishing you were here with us," Rachel continued, pressing her palm to the stone and feeling the warmth of the sun emanating off it. "We don't live on and leave you behind, we live on for you. Every moment is special, just like you. You'll never know how much you mean to me, how much you saved me. I just wish it didn't have to be through your death."

Rachel stood and wiped her eyes again, this time a smile came instead of tears. "I gotta go now, baby, but I'll be back. Promise." Turning away from the grave, Rachel held out her arms for Chris. "Here, I'll take him back to the car if you want to say something."

Finn nodded and gently gave her the now-sleeping Chris - he could sleep anywhere. He watched her walk away for a moment, pressing her face to her sons as they returned slowly to the still-running Grand Prix. It touched his heart and he wanted to go follow after them but he had something to say first.

Finn bent his knees low to the ground and rested a hand on the top of the smooth stone. Her name winked at him and he returned it.

"Hey, Baby Girl," Finn muttered softly, voice gruff and deep with emotion. "I wish I could say things half as well as your mother but I'm not very good at speaking. She's so mature and smart, I feel like a kid still before her and I wonder how I could ever raise a child? I want to be a good father but never having one myself really, I don't know if I'm saying the right things or not. I know you probably think me silly, sitting here and talking to a grave but I believe, somewhere, you can hear me."

Finn's shoulders shook and he blinked multiple times, trying to stop the tears. "I love Chris, he's my entire world along with your mother, but I was really looking forward to having a baby girl. Someone I could protect, pamper, tease, worry, and chase off boys for. I know your Uncle Kurt would have spoiled you with clothes from lines and names I can't even pronounce, and so would've your grandparents. But, most of all, the thing I really wanted was to love you, a mini-Rachel Berry. I know you'd be as perfect as her."

Finn dropped his face, body now trembling with sobs that coursed through his frame. "But I never will be able to do any of those things now. I feel like I've failed you, that I could've done something better or sooner and you'd be alive today, but now you'll never be able to laugh or cry or _live._ If I could, I'd change places with you in an instant but I know I can't. But if there's one thing I want you to know, I'll forever love you and you'll always be my 'Baby Girl.' No matter what."

Finn leaned forward and kissed the stone, closing his eyes and imagining kissing a little girl resembling Rachel upon the forehead. She giggled and chirped happily, "Bye, Daddy! Love you!"

"Love you, Baby Girl." He then stood, smiled at the gravestone, and returned to the car. The sun flashed above them and the stone sparked in the warm glow; a same spark lighting in the hearts of Finn, Rachel, and Chris Hudson, a spark that would never be doused for Hope would forever be in their hearts.

* * *

><p>McKinley High's auditorium was packed, to both Rachel's amazement and surprise. Never since she'd made the agreement to do this speech did she ever expect this many people to show up. She saw familiar faces - all the original New Directions were there, smiling encouragingly at her even though guilt still showed in some of their gazes - and unfamiliar as well. It made her stomach do flips and hands wring nervously but her heart was set, she knew she was doing the right thing.<p>

Finn stood at her side, his arm around her waist, always supporting, while the other held the curtain parted so they could see out. Chris was with his grandparents, all fussing who got to hold him next or pamper him the most. Rachel was just happy he had those sort of influences in his life, all the support and love. There was nothing more important you could ever give a child.

Finn's hand tightened slightly and she glanced up at him, meeting the gaze she never tired of looking at. Married, a kid scrambling around, and an apartment together, she still felt being with Finn was only a dream. That she'd wake up one day and find she was still a freshman, wishing he would at least know her name or give her a second glance out of the corner of his amazing eyes.

He smiled at her now, warm, comforting, reassuring. "I always knew one day you'd change the world, even though I'd never guess it would be like this." His eyes twinkled. "But I don't think there's anything more important you could do then this. I know it's going to be hard but all those people aren't just here to hear you, they're _here _for you. Exactly like me, I'll never leave you alone."

Rachel's eyes shimmered and she wrapped her arms around his neck, burying her face into his suit. "What did I ever do to deserve you?"

"You cared," Finn answered simply, kissed the top of her head, then nudged her forward to the stage. "Go, it's time."

"Okay," Rachel said, quickly composing herself. With a parting kiss from her husband, she walked out from behind the curtain and up to the podium. Silence ruled the massive room, so thick she imagined she could cut it with a knife.

Clearing her throat, meeting the intrigued gazes of the audience, she started. "Good afternoon, I'm Rachel Hudson. Most of you know who I am, what I used to be, and how I was. Few know the whole truth, but everyone has their opinion. Today, I'm going to tell you the truth." Rachel paused, fear clogging her throat and making her eyes burn but she took a deep breath, thought of the state she was in after _it_ happened, and continued. "On an early fall morning, here in small Lima, Ohio, I was raped."

Like she expected, a ripple of shock went through the crowd but - unexpected - they remained silent, waiting. Rachel glanced nervously at Finn, who gave her a firm nod to continue. Gaining courage off that, she did.

"I won't go into details but a part of me died that day. A hole was left in it's place, tearing into me and making me feel empty and cold. I tried everything to fill it - alcohol, sex, pain, lies, but nothing ever could. I felt broken, dirty, alone, ugly." Her voice trembled. "I wanted to die, to make all of it go away once and for all. But something stopped me, prevented me from taking that extra step and killing myself. It took me awhile to fully understand it but after the birth of Chris and the death of Hope, Finn's and my children, I realized it. It was hope that kept me going, even when I wanted to curl up in a ball and die.

"Finn's love and unrelenting support always gave me the inspiration to go on and always keep hoping, to never give up." Rachel turned again to look at Finn and found him beaming at her, tears falling down cheeks. "It was through his love, one important friend's support, and a few people's' well-given advice that I stand here before you today. I know I hurt people on the way but I was scared, frightened, and worst of all, I hated myself.

"No one should hate themselves for things out of their control. Some lie to themselves and their friends to hide the truth but deep inside of their souls, they hate it and are disgusted. No matter if it's sexuality, being gay, or being somewhat larger than what everyone expects as being the 'perfect' shape, or how you look, or for enjoying things people don't think are cool; no one should hate themselves for things out of their control."

Rachel, feeling the truth of her words and imagining a small hand squeezing her own approvingly, she sped on; voice voluminous and proud. "That is why I want to open a crisis hotline here in Lima, a free 24-hour service that anyone can call for help. No matter in what situations, volunteers will be ready to help and provide aid. It would be named "Hope Eternal" for hope is never truly dead, even when we're at our lowest. It's the very thing that drives us to live on. Hope to be happy, hope to have fun, hope to love. Believe me when I say that hope will turn up one day."

Rachel smiled, thinking of Finn when she said that. She'd never given up hope that he would love her someday as much as she did him. Now look, she was married to the guy of her dreams and was happy.

"I hoped one day that I would be a star, an actress and performer up in lights. I thought it was the most important thing in my life but sometimes you find you'd rather wish for the small things. At the moment, I wish and hope for a mild summer so our AC bill isn't so extreme or that the car won't bust and need repair. I hope for my family to have a happy and full life, and that everyone else in this room - this world - have the same. And for those who did wrong, I hope they see the wrong of their ways and learn from them.

"And most of all, I hope you support this idea of mine because having someone to talk to, someone unprejudiced and unbiased, in your greatest time of need may very well be the thing to make your spirits turn. Before I let you go, I wanted to dedicate a song to my daughter, Hope. She's the reason I came up with this idea, why I invited you here today. This song was the very song I was going to sing for my final NYADA audition but never was able to because of obvious events. Then, it was only a good song, but now, it means something much more to me. I hope you enjoy."

Rachel took a deep breath as the soft music began to play and closed her eyes. She saw Finn, always handsome and caring, Chris, always giggling and making her laugh, Quinn, always opinionated but supportive, and all her other friends until finally Hope flashed in front of her. A happy smile was on her face and she was clapping excitedly, while screaming, "That's my Mommy! That's my Mommy!"

_Every night in my dreams  
>I see you, I feel you<br>That is how I know you go on._

_Far across the distance  
>And spaces between us<br>You have come to show you go on._

_Near, far, wherever you are  
>I believe that the heart does go on<br>Once more you open the door  
>And you're here in my heart<br>And my heart will go on and on._

_Love can touch us one time  
>And last for a lifetime<br>And never let go till we're gone._

_Love was when I loved you  
>One true time I hold to<br>In my life we'll always go on._

_Near, far, wherever you are  
>I believe that the heart does go on<br>Once more you open the door  
>And you're here in my heart<br>And my heart will go on and on._

_You're here, there's nothing I fear  
>And I know that my heart will go on<br>We'll stay forever this way  
>You are safe in my heart<br>And my heart will go on and on._

Rachel looked up at the lights of the auditorium as they sparked upon her while the crowd jumped up, clapped, cheered. She didn't care about them at the moment, she only cared about the young man running towards her, a baby boy in his arms, and twin smiles on their faces. Pure, raw hope exploded in her stomach and filled the gap that had been missing ever since that fateful day in the fall.

_And that's my Hope_.

_**The End**_.

**I hope you enjoyed the story. I know it was very angsty and sad, even the ending! If you could review/PM with details on what you liked the most, absolutely hated, didn't get, or thought was plain unrealistic. I'll read them and try to do better in the future. This is my second story I officially finished and I feel so happy, yet empty at the same time. It feels like when I finished Harry Potter for the first time..**

**Okay, I ramble too much. Now, I can put all my effort into "As It Seems," which I hope you all read if you liked my work.**

**Until next time,**

**Dreamy!**


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